beyond the world

Jealousy – do I have a Choice?

Posted on 17 January 2010

Not if I am ignorant. Jealousy is an inherent nature of the mind. So long as there are wrong ideas in the mind – ideas that are ignorant by nature – jealousy is set to arise. Why is that so? Idea creates projection. Whenever I have an idea, I can’t but not notice that the idea is a projected thought – though in reality ideas never left its source.  The projected thought creates a seemingly separation from me. It is either about myself or something out there. I don’t see idea as me but rather about me. The same with the world – it is about the world. It is like one looking into the mirror. I don’t see the reflection as me but rather about me. Whenever it is about something, I am prone to judgment. And each judgment has the tendency of right and wrong.

Every judgment is preceded by comparison – I can’t help comparing as it is part of perception’s work. Perception function is to memorize and each memory that does or does not matches the past will be automatically compared. If I am not present to recognizing c0mparison is a function of perception, and not me, I will automatically be compelled to  judge – as what I see, I see as something either better or worse than what I have experienced before. Even seeing things as the same is also a kind of judgment – a blind judgment that is ignorant by nature.

Whenever my judgment is about something better than what I had experienced before , automatically, I am in favor with what I seemingly perceived. I see myself one notch higher than the past, whether be it myself, a relationship or any event or situation, for that matter. I felt happy, not being aware that my happiness is about judgment – I am holier than thou attitude. In truth, it is a lie that I am more spiritual than before, except a hallucination, a fabrication of delusion.

I observed this pattern when I am helping someone for a period of time. During the help, I consider myself compassionate and ever willing to lend my hand as a gesture of goodwill and selflessness. I feel holy and noble with my action. The moment the situation changes, I am faced with my own demon of jealousy – that there is no reason to help anymore. I can only see through this illusion if I am authentic with myself for there is  no possibility I can lie to myself. But if I am not skilled in observing the mind, I will accept it as a moving on phase where help is no longer a necessity. In this context, I am been reminded by Byron Katie’s phrase – I only see it as a loan, when the person returns me what I have given out.

If it is a genuine help, I don’t event question what attitude the person has. I give unconditionally irrelevant what he does or does not do. If I am affected by his attitude I can be sure my help is conditional. I could have help from the space of seeing him as a victim – I am better than him. The moment the victim meaning disappears in my mind, I see him as a threat.  That is when jealousy or even regret arise from what I have given in the past.

For that I am not in favor of the word help, in my space. Either I give unconditionally or if I were to give conditionally, I am to accept the pain that comes with it – that is part of nature of how things work in the mind.

If my judgment is about something unpleasant, I can’t be having jealousy as I have the illusional mentality of  “I am better than thee”. Whereas if the situation does not reflect better or worse, but seemingly sameness, I will ignorantly go along with it. Seeing things the same is ignorant simply because there is no sameness in anything except now. There is recycled experience, but not the same – it is always presented anew, though not truly new.

Thus, irrelevant how I view the world, if I identify with my ideas, I am prone to delusion, to ignorance and I can be sure of error. I can be sure each aversion directed to anyone has jealousy in it.

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1. My Choice, My Detriment
2. To Love Conditionally or Unconditionally – Do I Have a Choice?
3. Whose Choice – Me, Who, or What?
4. Making Peace with Ideas
5. My Reality, My Responsibility
6. Allowing the Mind be Free
7. Feelings, Nothing More than Feelings
8. An Impossible Mission
9. Nailing instead of Opening to Inquiry
10. Glimpsing Beyond the World
11. Am I Ignoring the Obvious?
12. The Value of Gift or in the Giving?
13. I am Frightened by… Me!
14. Either Ignorance or Wisdom. Period.
15. A Different Country, a Different Attitude
16. The Paradox of Duality
17. You ALWAYS Give Your Best
18. The World Begins with Views & End by Views
19. Meaningless Meaning, in Separation
20. I am not upset for the reason I think it is