An untrained mind is inclined towards craving, the incessant wanting and not wanting. Whenever I am not mindful, not aware of the now, the nature of the mind is always about the past or future. And each thought about the past and future has either expectations or guilt in it. When I think about something pleasant in the past, there is an expectation for it to occur again. When it is about an unpleasant thought, the mind either expect the unpleasantness to be get rid off or guilt takes over me. As for the future, the mind expect pleasant experience to occur and may even worry for the unexpected to happen.
Each craving or expectation depletes the mind, wasting unnecessary energy that can be conserved for better use. Thus thinking unnecessary eats up my mental energy, making me restless and lethargic. Furthermore when my expectation is not met, which normally is the case, upset ensues. Each anger depletes me further. Anger blocks the energy flow in the body and creates further dis-ease. Each dis-ease affect the healthy growth of cells in the body. Imagine the harm I do to myself when I am unaware, unmindful – the wastage of energy and the creation of toxic waste in the body.
Whenever I am upset, the verbal expression is always harmful and excessive. I tend to verbalize my anger more and probably louder. There is unnecessary wastage in my expression. I tend to breathe unnaturally, holding my breath, disallowing a good flow of air coming into my body. The more I tense the more I disallow the natural flow of energy – leading to long term damage and wastage of the body system. Similarly, whenever there is desire or expectation, there is a potential overuse of energy to pursue my needs, not to mention overeating and food wastage.
I observed that whenever I am unmindful, I tend to turn the water faucet more than needed, wasting water unnecessarily. Environmental pollution has a lot to do with heedlessness or unawareness. I am directly responsible for what is happening around me. It can be a tissue paper I used, or forgetfulness to close the fridge properly – all leading towards wastage and non-conservation.
If I wish to see a better world, I have to start taking stock of my craving, my forgetfulness of being present to my desire and resistance. To help the world is to destroy the world, to help myself is to save the world. So long as I am reluctant to see my own shortcomings, my overused and wastage, I am condoning the death of mother earth, even though in form I am seemingly supporting environmental work.
Peace in the world comes from me, not through advocation or provocation. There is no peace so long as I am not at peace with myself. There is only enemy simply because I am against myself. Everything starts from me and ends in me. To forgive the world is to forgive myself. To forgive myself is also to forgive the world. Both comes in pair. Each moment of unforgiveness is a grudge I made upon myself, an endless revenge of myself until I come into peace with it. All acts of unforgiveness is a waste of time, of energy, of mental peace and freedom that is within my reach, each moment.