It is amusing to observe the people coming into my life as I sit quietly listening to the conversations they have with me and also the conversations they have with others – the inner chatter that each and every one of us carry as we exchange words now and then to complete what needs to be completed, within us.
At times the conversations are frivolous, focusing on issues that are none of my business. But the mind loves poking fun on others as if I was given the rights to intervene in another’s life. As if I have the rights to chart their lives with shoulds and should nots frequently arises in the chattering. Very often the sentences have smacks of complaints more than compliments. And if ever there are compliments, it has, many a times, come from the space of self-unworthiness or as a means to negate the guilt that has arisen due to the complaints. Rarely the compliments are genuine expression of love – except when my heart quivers with intense joy and has the need to express appreciation.
There are conversations that are done just for the sake of killing time or entertaining a meaningless topic that was left unresolved in the mind. I do wonder at times how much nonsensical stuff is floating in the mind, waiting to be pulled out for others to take on. It is like sweeping rubbish out of the house, expecting others to clean it up for me. But of course that is an impossible feat as whatever ideas that I have can never leave me until I resolve it within, through the right understanding. Whatever I throw out only magnifies it, more so when unwarranted views are added on it, which occurs all the time. Do you notice that conversations that are not supportive of our views will end abruptly, either through a moving away, albeit diplomatically; or, a change of topic? Worst, the conversation may even turn into an argument when my expectation is not met as I struggle to hold steadfastly to my righteous view.
Yet there is another kind of conversation that arises due to boredom – the desire to escape from it or the need to kill it, as if it is wrong to have it in the system. Usually this kind of conversation leads meaninglessly nowhere, and even if it does come up meaningful, it is always about something that excites or agitates the mind. That is what the mind loves, away from the boring boredom.
Rarely conversations are stricken for the sake of making peace with oneself. Even if that is genuinely our main purpose, there are always loopholes along the conversation for the ego awaits for opportunities to seek for approval or for resounding support from others to see it “my way”. And rarely the conversation is completed with a sense of peace and love. At most time, it is a fulfillment of satisfaction of needs being met and seeds for conspiracy to germinate.
There are conversations of the ego and conversations of Spirit, or conversation of ignorance and conversation of wisdom. Listen deeply and you will know the difference. At any point we have the choice to turn it around either from ego to Spirit or Spirit to ego, depending whether we are inclining towards desire or inspiration. It is not about right or wrong, but about peace or war that we wage upon ourselves. Others are only here for us to make choices for our own sake, for in reality the inner world is what we are dealing with and that is all we have; though the ego tends to trick us to think that there is someone out there for us.