No Teachers except Teachings

It is important to distinguish between the two, or else the dynamics between the student and the teacher can be implicated into an egoic journey rather than one that nourishes the soul. The journey of the teacher is to teach and the teaching can only comes through what he has understood and experienced.

A good teacher clarifies his own ideas and strengthen them by teaching them – A Course in Miracles

Who or what the teacher is, is totally irrelevant to the student except the teaching he is receiving. A wise student will be able to distinguish whether the teaching is appropriate for his own growth, and thus will only stay on if necessary. If the student is in doubt, he will take necessary steps in questioning and clarifying it with the teacher. It is not the teacher that he is looking at, but rather the understanding the teacher is coming from or arriving at. The student’s question meet with the teacher’s answer and from it blossoms understanding, or even doubt, depending upon how synchronized both the direction of question and answer. At this level, both teacher and student’s learning is in the same order.

The ability to articulate, that is, to transform experience into words, is the skill of the teacher. As words can never truly represent experience, the teacher may need to illustrate it with analogies and parables. The student in return, with his limited wisdom, will try his best to understand the message, being aware that what the teacher is conveying is only the finger pointing to the moon, rather than the moon itself.

Thus for a student and a teacher to meet, a certain karmic chemistry has to be fulfilled – a resonating frequency that is in tandem with each other,  the unseen force of fulfillment of each other’s needs. The teacher’s need is to convey his message to the level of his student’s maturity, and the student’s need is to understand what the teacher is really expressing. When both criteria are met, wisdom unfolds. Obviously there are also times when both frequencies do not resonate and thus the arising of misperceptions and doubts.

Hence it is an exchange of ideas from one to another, vice versa – the answer changes the views of the student and the question opens up another view for the teacher to share. And when it’s time for the student to move on, there are no qualms whatsoever in both to depart, for it is not a journey about bodies or minds but wisdom.

Yet this is not the case in many situations. When a student’s priority is not well-assigned, he allows the ego to run rampant. Many a times a student judge the teacher by his or her status, number of followers, character and what not. There are cases where students gauge their teachers’ greatness by their material possessions as if wisdom is synonymous with materialism.

More closer to home is our unconscious observation of our teacher’s character. My own past egoic experience tells me that I respect my teacher by his composure. Any unseemingly remark or movement from him makes me think he is not worthy of my respect. But I got it all wrong. It has very much to do with my own unworthiness. I am envious of what is out in the world and my purpose of observation is to seek for mistakes – any tiny mistake is enough to feed my ego. That is when I gain superiority over others, by judging them. That is the silliness the ego plays when we are unmindful. When our attention is focus on the bodies rather than the teaching, we are going on an egoic ride rather than a spiritual endeavor. We can be damn sure any judgments we made upon others is for our own consumption.

We want to see others guilty and we want them to admit their errors – what has their problems got to do with us – I am not sure. But what I am sure is that I am missing the mark. I am not seeing what I am supposed to see – the unworthiness inside me that compels me to judge so as to make others wrong to feed my inferiority, to make me feel superior. And that is all what life is all about. Look at the world and you will know what I mean. What a shackle.

Freakish Incomprehensible Truth

There is a strange unexplainable phenomena occurring in everything across the board, including the universe. It has been proven by quantum physics that everything is in constant flux – there is not one thing that can exist even for a fraction of a moment as the instant moment it arises, it perishes, and to arise again to an entirely new process. No one could reason out how, why or where it arises and its reason for perishing. In other words, the phenomenal nature of impermanence is in permanent status.

This phenomenon can be directly experience through a deep meditative state. But the question is this – if everything arises and passes off instantaneously, where then can we call “a thing” since there is not even a given time lapse for it to be sustainable. The arising is a fraction of a millionth second, unimaginably brief, followed up by its demise. You get what I mean? In fact, to say there is an arising and passing is accurately incorrect since the word arise already mean a state of sustaining, albeit a brief one. Here lies the paradox of existence – there is no thing, no body except impermanent phenomena since nothing could ever exist at all. Now how then could we even define “existence” since there is no-thing at all?

Now here comes the bizarre news – even the mind is in such a flux; meaning, the observer itself, and everything in it – perception, feeling, mind state, is arising and perishing. If this is the case, where am “I” since every moment is new, ever perishing. Can you imagine what is it like – seeing yourself dying each every breath of a second to be “born” again – beyond your ability to do anything! In other words, you are a “victim” to this process.

Now wait a minute. This is screwing up the brain. If this is really true, yet how could it be that we are able to see, smell, taste, touch and hear everything around us – everything is tangibly in existence! Yes, we have an iota of knowledge that everything is changing, but at least we are still able to touch and feel them. The chair has been here for the last few years. My friends are around since I knew them. The country existed for the last unknown centuries. The world has existed through carbon proof, millionth of years. So what the heck is this?

Could it be that there are two parallel realities occurring within each and every one of us? And both realities can be as real as the other when we are in it. But the question is why? Why such a vast contradiction? Which is more “real”? Or is it possible that both are equally unreal? Could it be that due to the phenomenal impermanent nature, it has to come in a package of duality – one opposing the other to strike an equilibrium, a balance for it to merely “exist” (see Ending of the Equation of Balance), just like arising is balanced by passing? Balance can only occur in polarity, not in singularity. Does that explain the reason for separation? To exist is to mean separate? Does that mean that it is simply a futile game of illusion to exist for the sake of balance which in reality is not really there?

You may not like to enter into this freaky convulated concepts but if your priority is towards “something” beyond the world, you are getting close to it…. but not through conceptual thinking, though.

The You whom You think is You is not You

The you whom you think is you is not you.
The you whom you think is you is just a bundle of thoughts.
The bundle of thoughts whom you think is you is just a condition of ideas.
The condition of ideas whom you think is you is just a meaningless concoction.
Put together to create a meaning of You.

I am an accountant – is a bundle of ideas of what I learned in the accountancy school
I am a boy – is just a mass statement of what others are calling themselves
I am stupid – is just an idea I defined from what I think I am
I am dying – is just a comparison I think I am living
I am of many personalities – each telling a different story of me
Personality in relationship
Personality in health
Personality in wealth
Personality in career
Personality in sexuality
Bring them all together, I am that.

When I am disconnected from those ideas
Totally lost from it as in amnesia
I lost my identity of whom I think I am
Who am I at that point?

What if one day I too lost the “I”
Who am I then?
Or rather “who am I then?” is who, or what?

Veritas vos liberabit – Truth will set you free

This sentence fascinated me since I was very young and it has moved me to seek and walk through many pathways and methods to get closer to this thing call “Truth”. It did not cross my mind during that time that if I really want to know what Truth is, I had to at least, know through logical reasoning, what Truth is before I could aim for it. I guess there was already a deep yearning within me, developed from past experiences that compelled me to complete the finishing line. I remember when I was a kid, probably around five years of age, I used to ask forlornly why we need to die. What’s the point coming to life with death as its end? It doesn’t seem to make sense having to come here just to die. It is like walking up a tall building where I am meant to jump down from it – just to fulfill the criteria for death. That was how I put it during that time.

It was indeed a long journey – from that moment when I started to question life and the thirst for answers that carried me to seek from one meaning to another. Since then the desire for Truth has led me to many unnecessary pathways which, upon looking back, is also part of the necessary journey for me to realize what is and what is not the direction. It was that awareness that made me realize that there is imitation in the spiritual path. I coined it as spiritual ego where the end of the journey has an inflated self rather than the meaninglessness of self.

And that comes back to the statement veritas vos liberabittruth will set you, or rather, me free. If I were to be set free, what am I being set free from? Logically speaking, the opposite of freedom is bondage and thus it is being free from bondage. But what bondage? It is paradoxical and kind of a chicken and egg situation. If I didn’t even know there was bondage to begin with how could I expect to seek for Truth, or rather I wouldn’t even have known there is this thing call Truth!

Obviously there must be a meaning of bondage in my system that makes me look for the doorway out. And the first experience that I’ve got which makes me see bondage real is, when I came to a clear realization that impermanent nature is beyond my charge. In other words, if everything is changing rapidly, perishing the moment it arises, beyond the possible perception of the naked eyes, why am I subjected to this for no apparent reason and not get myself out from it? It is like sitting in a car moving aimlessly, forever, without me having a say in it and yet unable to get out from the car. Doesn’t that sound ridiculous? And yet that is what the truth of nature is. Though I seem to be able to take charge of my day to day activities, but in reality when I come to the micro part of the system, I am being lied to thinking I could or even can be in control in the macro view.

That led me to seek a way of getting out from this crazy system of uncontrollable change, which includes “me”. I am beyond the ability to control the change in me – the whole entire body system is functioning well beyond my awareness, irrelevant whether I need to pay attention to it or not. I am not even aware of the blood flowing in my system – imagine that! And coming to the mind, I can’t even anticipate what emotion is coming up for me except to try planning for it – but could I? Can I control what thought is coming up next for me. Can I stop judging, except only to know it when it has already arisen?

So I am going to be free from that when I come to the Truth – free from the bondage of mind and body. But who is this “I” after the mind and body is being released? Would there still be an “I”? Is there a need for an “I”? Or is this “I” the one that makes me thinks that I need to be free? Is it another imitation spiritual journey, a spiritual ego in disguise? Then it dawned upon me….

Truth will set the “me” free. Not exactly me, as referring to myself, but rather the meaning of me or “I” attached to “myself”. When the meaning of “I” is being stripped from me, “I” do not exist anymore. And in that space, “something” comes into being, which the ego can never, never comprehend. It is like the analogy of the Light trying to understand what Darkness is, except to extinguish itself. “We” are “that” – beyond self.

Escape from Darkness

Desire and Desirelessness

A Fearful End with A Fearless Effect

Spiritual enlightenment can be a BIG word to many. Big because of either not truly knowing what it means or big because the meaning given by a higher authority makes it either too lofty to reach or too complex to comprehend. More than that, along the years the meaning of the words took on numerous definitions and interpretations for personal agendas, making the word watered-down and, or many a time carry a subtle egoic motivation, which in contrary, is in total opposite to what it really is.

The historical journey of spirituality is always found in this irresolvable persistent conflict – sincere practitioners do not want themselves to be identified to any bodies whereas those seeking for identities attached themselves to bodies that advocate the realization and releasing of identity. It is a Catch22 situation – a paradox that creates a tug-of-war between the light and dark forces.

Wars, religions and politics are fought for this reason though on the surface it may not seem so. Any need for self-righteousness is already pointing towards a need for identification. And yet deep within each and everyone of us is this deep yearning for freedom – freedom from everything, which simply is the freedom of self-identification. Paradoxically, it is this very thing that propels one to further his or her own power for control of autonomy, resulting in oneself and also of another’s imprisonment. Indeed a queer dynamic.

We need not seek very far to see this conflicting dynamic occurring.  It is occurring in each moment of our lives covering the entire areas of money, relationship, career, health and sexuality. It is this very disease that is threatening our own spirituality, but because we are either oblivious to or ignoring this internal plea, we bring this disease to a bigger field, creating the scene of what the world is going through now. The world is merely a reflection of what is within every single individual unit on earth, particularly the human species, as we are the main driving force of what is being experience in the world – the advancement of technology and the downfall of environment . And it is without doubt, that whatever any situation out there in the world which we resist or abhor is the very internal conflict we have yet to resolve within us.

My observation is that the root cause of this spiritual conflict comes from the idea of being good or bad – the ongoing battle in our day to day choices and decisions – the guilt journey of righteousness between both. Being good in order to suppress the “bad” is a continuous battle of spiritual conflict within each and every one of us. We are not skillfully guided to address this internal issue but instead told to see it as right and wrong. Every one of us is going through this dark secret, and yet it is an open secret to all. Our whole life is governed by this ancient battle and when we come to a specific faith or religion, we make this internal battle into a serious war, between ourselves and God. There is no one at fault as we do not know any other way to resolve what is within us and for that we seek external help from authorities whom they themselves may be in the process of their own struggle, the struggle of finding their own spiritual footing.

I stood in the world and found them all drunk, and I did not find any of them thirsty. They came into the world empty, and they seek to leave the world empty. But meanwhile they are drunk. When they shake off their wine, they will open their eyes. – Yeshua.

To me, good and bad is not in the action that I took, take or going to take – for the action itself tells very little about my own internal motivation. Outlook appearance is as deceiving as a wolf in a sheep skin. What is seemingly good can be motivated by ill-intent and what is seemingly interpreted as bad or wrong can be approaching from the space of wisdom. What is truer is the self itself – the intention that makes the action a reality.

And back to this word “spiritual enlightenment” – it is the loftiest realization anyone can ever achieved, paled in comparison to any attainment in the world, when one is finally awakens to the fact that the problem is not about being good or bad but in the very source where the meaning arise – the self itself. As the saying goes – no self, no problem. And yet, to see the end of self, is a very frightening idea to many. It is a nobody’s journey, a path that is fearful to be trod – simply because we have made so much investment out of the self. And yet there are of other extremes where suicide is the only option to end their mental pain; not realizing that killing themselves only kills the body but not the mind where the root pain is – the self. Spiritual enlightenment is the tearing down of self, the realization beyond self.

The mother of all fear is the fear of no self. – Jed McKenna