Month: March 2010

Spiritual enlightenment can be a BIG word to many. Big because of either not truly knowing what it means or big because the meaning given by a higher authority makes it either too lofty to reach or too complex to comprehend. More than that, along the years the meaning of the words took on numerous definitions and interpretations for personal agendas, making the word watered-down and, or many a time carry a subtle egoic motivation, which in contrary, is in total opposite to what it really is.

The historical journey of spirituality is always found in this irresolvable persistent conflict – sincere practitioners do not want themselves to be identified to any bodies whereas those seeking for identities attached themselves to bodies that advocate the realization and releasing of identity. It is a Catch22 situation – a paradox that creates a tug-of-war between the light and dark forces.

Wars, religions and politics are fought for this reason though on the surface it may not seem so. Any need for self-righteousness is already pointing towards a need for identification. And yet deep within each and everyone of us is this deep yearning for freedom – freedom from everything, which simply is the freedom of self-identification. Paradoxically, it is this very thing that propels one to further his or her own power for control of autonomy, resulting in oneself and also of another’s imprisonment. Indeed a queer dynamic.

We need not seek very far to see this conflicting dynamic occurring.  It is occurring in each moment of our lives covering the entire areas of money, relationship, career, health and sexuality. It is this very disease that is threatening our own spirituality, but because we are either oblivious to or ignoring this internal plea, we bring this disease to a bigger field, creating the scene of what the world is going through now. The world is merely a reflection of what is within every single individual unit on earth, particularly the human species, as we are the main driving force of what is being experience in the world – the advancement of technology and the downfall of environment . And it is without doubt, that whatever any situation out there in the world which we resist or abhor is the very internal conflict we have yet to resolve within us.

My observation is that the root cause of this spiritual conflict comes from the idea of being good or bad – the ongoing battle in our day to day choices and decisions – the guilt journey of righteousness between both. Being good in order to suppress the “bad” is a continuous battle of spiritual conflict within each and every one of us. We are not skillfully guided to address this internal issue but instead told to see it as right and wrong. Every one of us is going through this dark secret, and yet it is an open secret to all. Our whole life is governed by this ancient battle and when we come to a specific faith or religion, we make this internal battle into a serious war, between ourselves and God. There is no one at fault as we do not know any other way to resolve what is within us and for that we seek external help from authorities whom they themselves may be in the process of their own struggle, the struggle of finding their own spiritual footing.

I stood in the world and found them all drunk, and I did not find any of them thirsty. They came into the world empty, and they seek to leave the world empty. But meanwhile they are drunk. When they shake off their wine, they will open their eyes. – Yeshua.

To me, good and bad is not in the action that I took, take or going to take – for the action itself tells very little about my own internal motivation. Outlook appearance is as deceiving as a wolf in a sheep skin. What is seemingly good can be motivated by ill-intent and what is seemingly interpreted as bad or wrong can be approaching from the space of wisdom. What is truer is the self itself – the intention that makes the action a reality.

And back to this word “spiritual enlightenment” – it is the loftiest realization anyone can ever achieved, paled in comparison to any attainment in the world, when one is finally awakens to the fact that the problem is not about being good or bad but in the very source where the meaning arise – the self itself. As the saying goes – no self, no problem. And yet, to see the end of self, is a very frightening idea to many. It is a nobody’s journey, a path that is fearful to be trod – simply because we have made so much investment out of the self. And yet there are of other extremes where suicide is the only option to end their mental pain; not realizing that killing themselves only kills the body but not the mind where the root pain is – the self. Spiritual enlightenment is the tearing down of self, the realization beyond self.

The mother of all fear is the fear of no self. – Jed McKenna

I begin to observe that I never chose out of the box. In truth I can never choose out of the box. The “I” is the problem, not the choice. Each time there is an “I” attached to the choice, it will forever choose from the box. For the “I” only knows how to choose from duality. It doesn’t know how to choose otherwise as the operating system is limited by its own programming. Like what one meditation teacher puts it – the fan only does two things – either it turns or stop turning. It knows nothing other than that.

The mind works the same way. It never goes beyond duality. It is a lifeless machine, so to speak, conditioned by duality. It can never think out of the box. For it knows no other way other than black and white, good and bad, this and that, front and back, above and below, know and don’t know. That is all it is. Nothing new, nothing unique, except the same old game of choices from duality. When I go beyond the form, beyond materiality, what is left is the same old stuff – the mind choosing aimlessly, on a merry-go-round trip, swinging from one end of the pendulum to the other, never getting out of it. And that is what choice is to the “I”.

I may say my choices make me who I am today. But who I am is no different from anyone else except my interpretation or meaning of status, fame, role, possessions. But isn’t that what others have in them too? My ignorance only made me think that I am better than them. But how could I ever be better than anyone when the choices that “I” make leads me in the same kind of situation like anyone else – I still have to experience hunger, sickness, old age, and finally death. If I don’t get this true fact into my head I will always feel I am either better or worse off than others. I can never win this game – as this game is limitlessly limiting by nature – just the duality of existence, a tireless game that has no ending. It is like playing the broken record over and over again, oblivious to the fact that the recorder can be switch off. We let the recorder play, and play and replay again, over and over for meaningless time until we wake up from it.

If “I” can get out of the way, surrendering myself and allowing trust to fill in the gap, what could life be? Have you ever tried? Obviously many failed and gave up, as the ego is just too impatient to allow nature to take its course. It brings up fear in you and force you to imagine that this,* is a wrong way of living. And that is the worst thing we can ever give to ourselves for we don’t allow any opportunity at all for a paradigm shift of experiencing out of the box. We nail ourselves to doom again, falling back to the so called choices of life – which in reality is no longer a choice but simply a trap.

Invite yourself to take the leap of faith – go to the very edge of the ego and just… fall. Play this game and observe what could arise in your space. There is nothing to lose as either way you are back to doom anyway – the ego trap.

It is about choice. Not the kind of choice of which to choose when I am being given something. Neither is it about which road to choose when I come to a crossroad. Nor is it about a dilemma situation which I am forced to choose. In truth, there are no choices in all this scenes, as my outcome of what I choose is derived from my past perceptions, and hence dictated by an idea. Many an occasion , the so called choices I made are fear based rather than love, or wisdom.

I sat on the couch this morning, simply being in the now, observing the landscape of the mind as the heavy traffic of thoughts and emotions wheezes past my attention. Whether or not I am there for the mind, whatever there is in it still passes, oblivious to my presence. And the scene is no different from resting at the window sill, watching the world pass by.

On a certain occasion an object will attract my attention and at that precise moment I will miss whatever that is passing by. I can’t change or reversed the scene again. It is gone. I would not know what is there or whether it was there. What I know is that I am totally immersed in my own imagination of what I was attracted to, oblivious to the reality of what has gone by. In other words I was unconsciously deluded by my inner, so called, delusional reality.

To avoid this from happening, I just need to stay cool, relax and learn not to be pulled into what comes my way. But do I have a choice in this? None at all. I can’t dictate what is already coming into my space. Neither can I dictate what will attract me. Both are beyond my choices. I don’t have a say in it. Only because I am so unconscious to how the mind works. Everything are all natural occurrences coming my way. In other words, they are all effects taking place in this so-called time and space. And they are merely defined as experiences in my own space – nothing more than that. I can’t hold on to it nor resist it – though many a times I thought I was able to do so, obviously out of delusion and ignorance.

So what is choice then? My choice is to choose again. To choose what has already just passed – my reaction to what is. To respond to what has already occurred in my space. If what has occurred is fear, I choose to surrender. If what has occurred is love, I choose to surrender too. My choice becomes obvious and clear as I don’t choose out of wanting or not wanting but simply in the state of being, of surrendering. And when this choice is being chosen again and again, being practiced over and over again, it takes on a new process in the operating system of the mind. It no longer clings or grasps but simply surrender. There is no longer the “me” to do or to choose but simply undoing. No one undoing.

And the meaning of surrender is not what we normally understood as giving up, but rather allowing or letting be from the level of trust. And even that, the trust is not blind but rather the work of wisdom and all its attributes. It is a trust that comes from the knowing that I do not know and there is a greater intelligence far more that this tiny speck of “my” knowing. As I choose this way, I choose to heal the mind from dysfunctional grasping.

I can’t choose right-mindedly unless and until I choose to be in the now and here, right precisely at this moment. And the only way not to forget to be in the present is my choice.

To come into greater Freedom, we take the choice to choose pathways that bring us little little freedom.