beyond the world

The fire rage ceaseless one more time as if the last was not enough and it was just ten days ago Then came the torrential of water drawing what is along its path insinuating discomfort calling for release which can be sudden cheating preparation And just when all seems to end the wind in waves [...]

Lizards mosquitoes frogs grasshoppers and of late, scorpion (yes, just one) fed my numbers of beings that is of non-human that I am acutely aware off. Not that they are uncommon or unusual to my field of experience but they become succinctly obvious when the senses of experience are put to bare minimum. No tv [...]

A retreat is not a heavenly experience where one escapes from the world to chill. On the contrary, a retreat is to come back to what one keeps running away from and to face whatever fear that kept one at bay. In truth, retreat is facing the world again, the world within that has never [...]

You came but I was away ignoring your presence. I came but you were not around missing your presence. We kept missing each other not meeting thus never getting to know you better. There are times you were around I know but I kept missing you for I was not honest missing the obvious. Being [...]

I am familiar to you but you never truly knew me for who I am for you have either resisted me or held on to me through personal identification without giving me a voice. You are not seeing me as nature unfolding in the mind but instead made it as yours ignorantly for your foolish [...]

I attended a Family Constellation workshop with Bert Hellinger in year 2008 and remembered a poignant statement he made about exclusions of family members in a lineage. Through his years of experience he found that if a family member was to be excluded in secrecy or had not been given a proper place where he [...]

I am just an environment giving you the freewill to incept whatever ideas you wish and with it you get to experience the feeling that accompanies it. But be forewarned the game you play in me as you may lose yourself and suffer in consequence. For, you see there is such things as wrong ideas [...]

The purpose of awareness, or mindfulness, is to give presence to what is already occurring in the mind, which obviously has to be in the present, not in the past or future. Past and future too are actually thoughts of the present, arising in the here and now with meanings of past and future. And [...]

If different sets of instructions are given to different levels of maturity, obviously, the instruction you get now at this moment changes over time. It is a sign of progress when one is able to recognize that what is told now, no longer holds the truth later on. Not that the master is indecisive or [...]

If you were to ask me how I can never tell. If you were to ask me when I can never tell too. If you were to ask me what that too I can never tell. What I can only tell is that it is impossible to tell more so, to show how the path [...]

To some, a welcoming event; to others, a reminder of eminent age. To some, a new resolution; to others, a year of dread. To some, a new planning; to others, conformity. What say you, a new year or old; if changes are made for the sake of year, instead of changes made within. The year [...]

Darkness is not known until light comes into picture. Water is not known until the fish is brought out of it. Life is not recognized until death robs it away. Wrong is not known until right is shown. Bondage is not seen until freedom is experienced. Hence no meaning of darkness where there is no [...]

There are two ways of learning in differentiating right and wrong. Right and wrong not from the space of judgment of good or bad but what it entails when each is done as the end result is what we have to face when the cause is applied. In other words, right action entails freedom of [...]

I define my own life script by giving specialness to each meaning and upon it my storyline unravels Hence each experience has my supporting meaning behind it If I see you as unfair it is because I have my own meaning of fairness added to the experience but I forget all that and make you [...]

The mind gives hierarchy of meanings to the things it associates with, making specialness out of it.  And to each specialness, is found compartmentalization of preferences. It is the manner the mind works and by so doing, the beholder feels the sense of exclusiveness from his or her experiences deriving from each degree of specialness [...]

In slumber knows not asleep until awaken to realize a dream was it all In slumber knows asleep awaken yet within the dream – oh! what a curse! Not to know better off than to know if dream persists Not to know in total darkness and yet knows not – oh! what a curse! To [...]

Who am I? How would I know? Where do I come from? Can I know? Where will I be led to? Can I be certain? These questions burning in one leads one to seek and hence begins his spiritual journey. It does not come when there is no reason for it and when it comes, [...]

In the practice of Insight Meditation, where one will finally be led to know about himself through his own initiative; as the name of the meditation implies; an important criteria to the success of this practice is inquiry. Obviously to know oneself is to mean realized and for realization to arise, the prerequisite is understanding, [...]

Forget about being serious or trying to put in extra effort to get somewhere or even anything. We have been already too serious in life that makes a fool out of us. Fool in the sense of developing our ego more than annihilating it. Of course there is nothing wrong to that, except it is [...]

Can you not see me right at your very sight? that when you are seeing anything you are actually seeing me but yet you are not aware? I am here and yet you see me not You keep looking but I have never hidden from you your attention just needs to shift precisely at the [...]

It is really unbelievable to come to a realization that nearly every moment, I am not accepting fully what is already here in my space. Let’s not even mention about unpleasant experiences as without any iota of doubt, who of a sane mind would want to stay even a second longer to experience what is [...]

The mind is a strange “thing” – in fact the strangest thing I can ever phantom if I was to compare with anything in my field of experience. Of course it is impossible to compare the mind to anything as “anything” is in fact a subset of the mind, for the mind is the mother [...]

You see me not yet you sense I am around I am not here I am not there I am everywhere Yet, I am not everywhere Neither am I above nor below Inside or outside yet I am all but none of these are true except my ability to conjure them all. Who am I? [...]

Each experience of guilt found in the mind, has its root of ideas born from the unquestioned belief of right or wrong. It is a blind belief incepted into an individual’s mind through ignorance. A wisdom mind seldom see experiences as right or wrong but rather as wise or unwise. While in retreat a friend [...]

The past has always been in the present as what is not resolved in the so-called past is always being brought back into the present. In truth what is not resolved in the present is brought forward into the next present, and probably another umpteen presents until what needs to be resolved, resolves itself through [...]

I will be far far away retreating, transcending the mind. See ya all when I am back to the “world” in mid Jan 2011

The ball has, and always, will be in my court. Nothing left me and never will. The world is simply my reflection, a projection of what is in the mind. What about me to you then? Am I your projection?  This question is tricky as the projection principle doesn’t apply both ways, at least in [...]

The world cannot not reflect me. Each every moment it is doing that. In truth “the world doing that to me” is incorrect as the world is me, as in the mind. Any expression that I receive “out there” is telling me a tale of my subconscious, only if I wish to listen. But many [...]

There are only two kinds of perception – right perception having wisdom as its root and wrong perception, needless to say, with ignorance in it. And that makes a whole darn difference in the way we relate with the world. Words are just impossible to make you understand the vast distinction of it. And mind [...]

Life is not a problem to be solved; it is an adventure to be lived. I came across the above sentence while reading The Heart by John Eldredge. He is indeed a true practitioner at heart. I have for many instances came across such similar statements over and over again but did not see how [...]

Truth can only be recognized by recognizing the false. When false is recognized, truth emerges. It is not two separate experiences. It arises concurrently. To recognize false is wisdom and wisdom itself is already from the space of truth. Hence the spiritual wisdom journey is about recognizing the false and truth reinstates itself. More than [...]

My friend wrote me an email recently mentioning that he was made redundant due to a “resource reallocation” exercise within his group. It is just another nice word to mean he is no longer needed in the company. To be made to leave after working for umpteen years can be a cruel shock. But then [...]

It is interesting to observe the way Masters look at the world and those of worldlings. To those who have crossed the border of awakened state, life is seen as meaningless. And this statement has to be further explained and understood to avoid misinterpretation of its true meaning. To the worldlings, meaningless has a connotation [...]

I was bestowed with smallness the other day. To be exact, it came on Saturday night when I suddenly felt I was not rightfully myself, and I found myself feeling uncomfortable, a clear contrast of what I was not just a moment ago before it happened. I could not put a finger to it, but [...]

Our experiences are unique, due to the perception we have upon it. And our perception has much to do with the way our ideas look at it. It cannot be said as right or wrong as it has no such meaning except how we define it aftersight. Whichever way we see it we can never [...]

I was given an opportunity last week to work with someone who was experiencing mental despair over a perceived issue of abandonment. Throughout my spiritual  journey in getting to understand this frequently arising mental state, including having many direct experiences with it, I came to realize that many of our emotions have much abandonment meaning [...]

Experience is of me not, for me or to me As I consciously take full response to this truth I seek that what I am not seeing be brought to Light That all my perceived pain I am aware off at anytime is from my unconscious guilt, and not caused by anyone else. As I [...]

Of late the thought of shifting out from the current dwelling came to mind. Indeed it is not just a recent thought but a hovering one in the mind for at least the last five years; only that it was not been given priority. The main reason for the planned move was due to the [...]

The mind is constantly experiencing things the way it already always experiences. Seldom does one get out from that already always state unless being challenged to do so. Even that, to come out from that box takes much coaxing and resistance. Is it the nature of the mind to stay status quo or that we [...]

It dawned upon me lately one important clue why my wise meditation teacher seldom gives direct answer or statement whenever I post him a question. Instead, he will counter me with another question, allowing me to ponder and inquire deeply. What he does is to make me investigate, instead of simply accepting any statement as [...]

I seldom contain my experience, as to allow its dance to end in the here and now. I proliferate it by furthering its feeling. If it is a pleasant feeling, I further it by my unconscious manipulation, finding ways to make that feeling come to me again. If it is an unpleasant feeling, I try [...]

Whenever I am in experience, which is occurring all the time, where would I place my experience? Close to me, on the other end of my relationship or in-between? The position of the experience tells me my own integrity and responsibility I take upon myself. When I am upset, I observe that my experience is [...]

Come back to nature when the heart is weary when pain is not resolved when solution seems unseen Come back to nature when expectation is unmet when need is unfulfilled and desire seems to pound Come back to who we are come back to what is come back to any experiences that we had projected [...]

When I am in the process of awakening to myself, in short, taking on the spiritual path, every relationship that comes my way becomes a spiritual relationship. The difference between a normal relationship of what I experience in the past, and a spiritual relationship of which I experience now is that the former was unconscious, [...]

Little boy, 6 years old A little too used to bein’ alone Another new mom and dad,another school Another house that’ll never be home When people ask him how he likes this place He looks up and says with a smile upon his face “This is my temporary home It’s not where I belong Windows [...]

The mind is in constant need – need to feel good, need to be understood, need to be loved, need to be approved, and need to be needed as to escape from the experience of loneliness. And it is exhaustingly stressful when I don’t investigate these unquestioned thoughts as and when they pop up in [...]

Love is found not in misperception but in right perception for so long as I see you in concept of who I think you are I am seeing my own judgment about you not loving you but using you for my unconscious need For all judgments are merely projections of what I am not addressing [...]

There is a tendency when people go into relationship to “go limp,” the way an animal goes limp when caught by a predator. There is a kind of “false surrender,” a giving away of one’s power to the other person. This sets the stage for later violation. I urge you to go slowly and consciously [...]

What an illusion what an illusion only when I realized. else I am simply the dream experiencing what has not truly occurred except an illusion of which I took for real. It looks like yet it is not it feels like but it is not whichever way I think it is not what it is. [...]

I seek that I do not try to understand you for it is impossible Instead I seek to understand that I can never understand you and that brings me to my own peace. I seek that I do not try to remove your loneliness for that is impossible Instead I seek to recognize why I [...]

If you find there are s**t coming up in you – wait a minute – stop judging or blaming those whom you wish to make a scapegoat out of, and  instead ponder for a moment that they are here to bring up what you need to heal. In silence, give them a mental hug and [...]

what I give to the world I give either with ignorance or wisdom am I aware? with ignorance the world is led astray if it is wisdom it can only be a symbol of symbol twice removed from reality … so where is there truth except meanings? as much as I would like to accurately [...]

How real can now be, except as an experience? If past and future is just a figment of an imagination of the mind, isn’t the now too another illusion? Consider that if a past memory is brought to my attention and because it is occurring in the now, it then becomes my reality; as an [...]

THE SUBSTITUTE REALITY To substitute is to accept instead. If you would but consider exactly what this entails, you would perceive at once how much at variance this is with the goal the Holy Spirit has given you and would accomplish for you. To substitute is to choose between, renouncing one in favor of the [...]

The mind is constantly righteous as in, in the mode of self-righteousness. Every thought it takes on is always right, at least when wisdom is not available, or to be exact, when delusion is in default. No matter whether it is right or wrong from the perspective of comparison or judgment, the mind is constantly [...]

A Lover of Experience I am though it is not what I want to be but given the moment what choice do I have? “I love you” is my feeling of love of thought directed to you of idea I perceived you as love these never left, me except as my own experience. Do I [...]

She is aware that her growing attachment towards her family is unhealthy and yet she cannot help getting herself out of that sticky feeling. She fears that she may not be able to handle herself if ever anything was to befall her loved ones. She seeks for guidance trusting that meditation can heal her woes. [...]

There is a Chinese saying that goes as “biting at the teeth tendon” that finds its meaning in English as “take the bull by its horn”. This saying frequently jumps up to my forefront whenever I am being confronted with my own inner demons – when my unaddressed ancient emotions take their myriad forms of [...]

Ideas meeting ideas conversation opens views exchange views contemplation deepens righteousness exchange righteousness contradiction happens intent to convey turned out to convince in subtle defense returned with attack hence begin the dance of love in tandem flowing opposing each other in giving in the other giving out and yet in giving up the other giving [...]

There was a potluck party recently and the food brought by friends were delicious and mouth watering. Amongst those friends were a few who were in the midst of a spiritual fasting regime – spiritual in the sense that it is not for any physical purposes; though it is part and parcel of the fast; [...]

Letting go of thoughts The mind remains undetermined in the great Void. Here the highest knowledge is unbounded. That which gives things their thusness cannot be delimited by things. So when we speak of ‘limits’, we remain confined to limited things. The limit of the unlimited is called ‘fullness.’ The limitlessness of the limited is [...]

(taken in tibet) They say beauty is in the mind of the beholder. And I define beauty as a view of the beholder – as there is in reality, no beauty out there except a conceptual perception of how and what things should be in a certain way. Yours and my perception of beauty are [...]

The world begins with views and ends by views. A more precise statement will be that because of views, the world comes into existence. And for the world to cease altogether, it will also have to be because of views – but views that lead to the end of it rather than furthering its existence. [...]

I entice you luring you into my den you feel helpless troubled and restless. One part of you quivers ready to go wild for it and yet another voice whispers biding you to be cautious. I am your devil advocate a mirror of you reflecting your past of choices you err only now another chance [...]

I can’t see you for who I think you are if not for the function of perception running in the mind. My perception projects exactly how I see you. How can it be otherwise? Whatever projection I have about you is entirely a perception running in me. This perception is derived from whatever accumulated ideas [...]

Elephant and the blind men Every teaching that comes into my space is not for me to protect but to realize, and in that realization is the teaching protected. The teaching is not for me to keep but only as a tool to use. The mere act of keeping translates in me my fear of [...]

Ananda, the close attendant to the Buddha, once exclaimed with joy how easy it was to understand the matrix of the mind; of which the Buddha himself retorted that, without the arising of the Awakened One, such statement cannot be possible. Looking back on my own journey, I fully understand where the Buddha was coming [...]

The Debate 2 Sept 2010. Soon I will be back to Malaysia. Someone asked me while I was at the airport waiting for the ticket to be confirmed whether if I have really been to Tibet? It took me awhile to answer him not because he was being cynical but because, like him, I too [...]

25 August 2010. A different country, a different attitude. And the cultural shock is an opportunity for forgiveness to take place. More often than not, wrongness comes into the picture first, followed closely by blames and judgments.  Only when right-mindedness comes into present, that all these are seen from the perspective of love, of forgiving [...]

(Photo taken from the train in the morning along the journey to Tibet) 23 August 2010. It is 11.15pm as the train rumbles along its track, overlooking the range of the Qilian Mountains. The light from the bright full moon of the 7th lunar month cast a majestic silhouette over the plateau. Sitting on a [...]

My close comrades, Junn & Shahira, behind the backdrop of Potala Palace (25/8/10) I am away to Tibet till 4 Sept. Enjoy reading the past entries and be awakened to the Truth! Will share new understanding after my return   :)

Mum is old, confined to the wheelchair, as if waiting for her days to come to a final. Her body frame tells a lot from being a diabetic the toll it has upon her. First, the illness took away her sight exactly nine years ago. By sheer luck, or purely an act of love, I [...]

My little nephew of six abhors bitter gourd. Not that he does not like the taste but rather, he got the idea from his do-or-die-comrade-brother of nine that the gourd is not good at all. Being young and naive, he unquestionably follows what his peer does, with little wisdom in it. But yet, mind you, [...]

When I dislike someone, in my heart “I don’t like you doing this to me” is to mean “I want you to live up to my expectation” When I am upset with something, in my heart “I don’t like what is happening here” is to mean “I want things to be up to my expectation” When [...]

Am I the player in this movie? . When I refer myself as “I am”, I am referring to an experience of that moment. “I am” is a product of experience; experience defines me – I am hungry, I am sad, I am joyful – bored, uninterested, frustrated, neutral, uncertain, dumb, great, angry, stupid, etc. [...]

Will I rather choose peace or, to be right? In a situation where I am faced with a conflict, the first instinctive reaction which I would normally do is to defend myself and the only way to do that is to make another wrong. And to make another wrong is to attack them, not necessary [...]

A Course in Miracles, Lesson 133 Sometimes in teaching there is benefit, particularly after you have gone through what seems theoretical and far from what the student has already learned, to bring him back to practical concerns. This we will do today. We will not speak of lofty, world-encompassing ideas, but dwell instead on benefits [...]

I can only give what I own or what I have. I can’t give what does not belong to me. But the meaning “have”, “own” or “belong” exist only at the mind level, but not the body. It will be correct to say that all these connotations have a further meaning of possession in it. [...]

Never mind the refund. Not even lodging a complaint. In the very first place, I didn’t even ask to be in this amusement park without having an end to it, where I can walk out as freely as I entered. Neither am I aware that getting my way out of this park is another game [...]

While driving back home from a function last evening my eyes caught on to a rear sticker of a car that read “forgive your enemies”. For a brief moment, I pondered on the silliness of that statement. Not that I am judgmental about what others have to say but rather after long being with the [...]

What begins, needless to say, has to continue, unless being interrupted. What has not been interrupted will continue to develop and transform, or mutate, and have its end result based from the original cause and what comes along with it. It is a determined path, a path that has all its prerequisites of what it [...]

Slipping Through My Fist I have drifted down a ways along the shoreline, I just watched these ropes give way where they were tied. I could have reached out quick when the ropes first slipped, if I had tried, but I was wondering where the wind was trying to take me overnight, if I never [...]

My intention seals my own outcome, irrespective what the world offers in return. In other words, my end is my beginning. If my intention of giving is for the sake of a return, my outcome will be expected – returns. My intention here is clearly not of giving, but returns, except using giving as a [...]

It is rather strange how the spiritual journey turns out to be … a completion of sort, a full cycle, and yet gone nowhere neither here, nor there but yet everywhere. There… Here… Ere… Re… E… … (poof!)

Do I have a choice to choose a path of joy, instead of pain, to tread the spiritual journey as advocated by many new age calling for spiritual awakening? Can I be merry and enjoy the very best of life and yet at the very same time be spirited on the masters’ path that brought [...]

There is a field, Not here, not there, not anywhere; And yet it is here, it is there, it is everywhere, within you, within me, without you, without me. There is a field; beyond bodies, beyond personalities, beyond you, beyond me. Only convergence; where separation or non-separation is meaningless, where distance or distant-less is unknown, [...]

I was at the coffee shop one of the past mornings, forgetting that this place is favoured and haunted by many as a favourite gourmet choice, be it breakfast or lunch. The tables were full as usual so both Lai Fun and I were hunting for a place to squeeze ourselves in. After waiting for [...]

The mind, more often than not, has confused itself by making information as realization. There is a vast distinction between both and to recognize their salient characters needs the eyes of wisdom. Information is knowledge whereas realization is wisdom. One is merely an intellectual understanding whereas the other is a spiritual experience, a state of [...]

When I like or love someone, what is it that I am liking or loving about that person, to the effect that I want to be closer to that person, or even needing to possess him or her? But, as usual, more often that not, upon longer interaction or relationship with that person, I would [...]

Finding your deepest truth means looking within. It means not blaming other people, not playing the victim and not spending time feeling sorry for yourself. When you look more deeply at any situation, you can always see that you set it up for your growth. In any situation you feel you were a victim you [...]

I see similarity of denial taught in A Course in Miracle with the Buddha’s teaching on moha, or ignorance. To ignore is to deny what is already in existence and thus creating a whole entire web of delusion of “I”. What I deny I project All projections are denial. And all denial results in projection. [...]

Upon reading Paul Ferrini’s article on Inner Authority, it came to my realization that a major number of upsets that I have each day; projected mainly upon someone or something else, other than myself; has much to do with my non inner authority. Within a day I was able to see how much integrity I [...]

Let’s be clear. Being your own authority does not mean being an authority for anyone else! It just means that you don’t let any one else become an authority for you. Everyone is free to choose, including you. And everyone is responsible for the choice that he or she makes. How else could it be? [...]

I find the mind intriguing, and yet, baffling. Nothing has come near to comparing the capability of the mind, its weirdness and its potentiality. When I refer to the mind, I am referring to a nature rather than something that I am learning to comprehend. In terms of nature – it is not something that [...]

An idea is all it takes to start a dramatic soap opera, be it a nightmare or a happy dream. Not just one idea, to be exact, but rather the first idea that sets the motion of a series of other connected ideas along with it – the entire retinue of cast, so to speak. [...]

Through many a birth I wandered in samsara, seeking, but not finding the builder of this house*. Sorrowful is it to be born again and again. O house-builder! Thou art seen. Thou shalt build no house again. All thy rafters are broken. Thy ridge-pole is shattered. My mind has attained the unconditioned. Achieved is the [...]