Month: January 2010

If you bring forth what is within you,
what you have will save you.
If you do not have that within you,
what you do not have within you will kill you.
– Gospel of Thomas

How I define karma – what is already in me, I can sow. In other words, the effects are what I get from what I am conditioned to cause. If I have wisdom, wisdom will be my result. If I have ignorance, ignorance will be my result. If wisdom is in hand, wisdom will help me in time of distress or joy; if ignorance is my base, I could not imagine the illusionary horrors that will come my way, be it happiness or distress.

The mind is domesticated and thus whatever I experience I will be experiencing from an old idea, so long as I don’t take the initiative to question myself. Whether I change my job or not, due to frustration or wanting a new experience – if I don’t recognize what motivates me, changing either one makes no difference. I remembered reading a section from Broken Open where the author asked the oracle whether she should or should not divorce and the answer that came about is pretty wise – it is not about either one, it is about whether you learn anything from it or not.

Everything I am experiencing are all recycled. Whether I call it new or creative, each one is old, put into a so-called new perspective. I can be spending my time from one place to another, experiencing new experiences – moving from one prison to another – that is what I am doing, like a fish in a bowl, not knowing what is beyond it. For the mind has not experience anything new other than what it already knows.

What can I truly call an experience? Unborn. That makes the difference between getting an answer and realization. An answer is just another thought that comes from the level of questioning. Realization comes from understanding what you are experiencing in a new found way. That is truly an experience.

New experience is when the mind gets out of its way from the already-know-mind to a non-knowing mind – inquiring, exploring with innocence and inquisitiveness – and that means a total reform to my comfort zone of normality. The mind loves to be in status quo, attaching itself to whatever it experience.

If I truly wish to experience something that is totally beyond the mind, I have first to understand how the mind works. And that is an inward journey – a aloneness journey – instead of chasing after the world. It is not to mean meditating under a tree, or in seclusion, though that is a small part of the equation – it is important to have time for retreat, for rejuvenation. But more so, it is to be with the world instead of against the world. To make resistance is to bring one closer; to be with is to understand its working, thus disentangling and transcending it. So you can be wherever you are – just a shift of perception is all you need.

A Master is quite a different cat. It is one that sees the day as an opportunity in time to create avenues of reality and emotions that are unborn, of realities that are unborn that the day becomes a fertilization of infinite tomorrows.
– What the BLEEP – Down the Rabbit Hole, Quantum Edition, vol. 2, 42 min.

I got this email from Chak, a kindred spirit who is also a practitioner of mindfulness, and thought I would like to share here her wisdom:

Last year, I gave up wearing a watch. All along, when I wear a watch, anxiety of meeting the time on the dot will drown me. So if there is another 5 minutes to an appointment, I will not do anything and just sit down and wait for 5 minutes is anxiousness. So the physical time clock is very exhausive. When I gave up my watch, I actually had more time cause I am not anxious thinking hard to meet time on the dot. At work, when a meeting is to start at 11 am, I will glance at the wall clock and estimate the amount of time I need and carry on with whatever I am doing without being anxious. I don’t have a watch and surrender to whatever time I have.

Somehow, the physical body always got adjusted. When the physical body ‘ring’ for the time to go for a meeting, I will look at the wall clock and true enough it’s close to 11 am. So I used the time more efficiently and not worrying about the thought of meeting 11 am if I kept having a watch on my hand.If I have another 10 minutes of the physical clock of waiting to 11 am, it’s already a more than enough time for me to relax compare to being anxious looking at the wrist watch. When I surrender away the physical clock, that’s when I have enough time to relax.

People quit their jobs cause they don’t have time to do what they love. All of our thinking is the physical clock, the years, the days, the hours, the minute. So if I let go the clock time, the existance of time is more than enough and I found I am totally present of what I do and it’s actually the quality and not the number of counting minute, hour, day, year. I still get to do what I love even though I work 9 to 5. Infact I did an experiment during one holiday by the beach. I did not bother to even look at the wall clock and depended on my hunger to eat, sun set to return indoors. There was such a lot of time and it’s abundance of having more than enough time.

Time is indeed an illusion. Have you notice how each returning trip from a destination seems to be shorter than the going? The anticipation, however conscious or unconscious creates the illusion of time. Imagine if each now is representing the future – the momentum of “am I there yet” can be stressful. Similarly when we are worried over an issue – time seems to be dragging.

Illusion of ideas creates illusion of time. Illusion of time creates further illusion of separation.

The above reminds me of my teacher’s advice: You can be fast and not rush. When I am fast I can be entire present to what I am doing. When I rush I am anticipating the future rather than what I am now. Rush is an illusion – it is a mind imagination – how can I be faster than what is already presented in the now, I can’t be in the future as when the future arrived, I am still in the now. I have never left anywhere except being in the Now.

Whenever I got something, I got two gifts out from that something. I never truly got that thing except the two gifts.  What two gifts? My pleasant and unpleasant feelings over it, depending what idea I have about that something.

If it is something that I like, according to my idea, I will feel joyful. That is my first gift. And yet behind that gift there is another gift – the fear of losing it or the need of having more.

If it is something that I dislike, according to my idea again, I will feel unhappy. That is my first gift. Behind that unhappy gift is another gift – the wish to get rid of it or to wish to have other than what is in the now. One is a feeling, the other a thought. And behind all is the idea.

This is truly my inheritant, what I thought I got is my illusion. I have never got them at all, except probably a chance to interact with it. Everything I possess, I owned nothing out of it except my experiences behind that owning.

The same with this body. I don’t have ownership over this body except a chance to interact with it. What I owned is the mind that is accompanying the body.

The mind is my inheritant and yet that is not true too. If I am able to see through the illusion of the mind, all its perceptions and feelings, even the mind cannot be said as mine. What is in the world, not excluding the mind, is not my inheritant.

Who am I then? “Who am I” is a question post towards the idea of “I am”. If there is no idea of “I am” where then is the need for question? In that letting go, freedom is understood.