Realizing what the mind is each day
The mind has the nature to remain status quo, not that it is lazy but rather without inquiry, it clings on to what is. Like a ball, without being kick, will remain where it is. Where it is may not necessary be a pleasant state. Some people just remains where they are, though they complaint how painful it is.
When you open up to self-inquiry, look out for what’s in for me – you can be sure there is a self-benefit somewhere that makes you stay where you are.
If I am in an egg, I would not even know that I am in the egg. There is no possibility for me to know that there is a shell covering me from reaching out. I will live a mediocre life that is just like what I am now – ignorant to the fact that there is something beyond where I am. The question of what is beyond life never strikes me and thus I live as if this life is simply a brief passing moment. Who on earth would have thought that there is such a thing as “beyond me“? I know there is death – because I see this happening to others. And I never question that I may escape death. To me, death is the end of me and that will happen in the future. Since I can’t determine the future, I just keep living each day, without questioning why the need to live. Probably I am not even living, but surviving – trying to make ends meet. That too I don’t questioned – for I thought that is the norm of life.
I see life in linear, having to keep trodding, arriving at the end, but not knowing when. It never came to mind that there is something beyond me – not after death – but beyond who I am at this moment. I am who I am – that is what I think I am. I am stuck in my own thinking, taking for granted that it is me that is doing the thinking. It is like the story of a king who wish to know what views the citizens are having about him – the only way to find out himself is to go out to the street, in disguise as a beggar. Just when he steps into the street, he was mugged and severely beaten to the extend that he lost his memory. From then onwards, he thought he is a beggar. One day a minister recognize him and brought him back to the palace. But he quickly insist he is a beggar, not the king. No one knows what to do until a wise man came along.
“Who are you?”, asked the wise man. “I am a beggar” the king answered. “No, you are not a beggar. Neither are you a king. You are you.” That statement woke the king up from his thought – thinking himself is a beggar. That awareness propels him out from the dream.
I have role plays in this life – a husband, a teacher, a writer, a designer, a photographer, a tenant – but they are simply role play. It is interesting to note the “play” comes after the word “role”. I am not that but simply playing the game of a role. If I am totally engrossed in the role I may forget who I truly am – just like the king. I will live a life according to the role, suffocated by the rules and regulation of that role. Each role has its own conditioning and I have to adhere to it, according to how society wants.
What if the “I am” is also a role play on earth here? I am playing the role of a human game – and that too has its own rules – to be in the dream. Is there a possibility that I have forgotten who I am and instead took on the role play of “I am” in this life? Am I in a deep dream, dreaming myself in this life? Or am I in this life, dreaming about who I am?
Once upon a time, I, Chuang Chou, dreamt I was a butterfly, fluttering hither and thither, to all intents and purposes a butterfly. I was conscious only of my happiness as a butterfly, unaware that I was Chou. Soon I awaked, and there I was, veritably myself again. Now I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly, dreaming I am a man.
– Zhuangzi
There are all sorts of reason to meditate – to blank the mind, to zonk the thoughts, to achieve peace, to read another’s mind, to gain calmness, to reach one-pointedness, to gain concentration, to connect with God, to fly if possible, to see angels, to read the future, to remove sickness, to have better health, to improve memory, to love, to see past lives – the list goes on.
To many, meditation is religious and only for the holy and wise people. I remembered years ago when I mentioned to a new friend that I am going for a meditation retreat, he looked at me startled, and said seriously that meditation is only for the sissy. Seems like there are pretty many misconceptions about meditation. Then there is another who keep reminding me that meditation can lead to madness and spirits possession.
When I was assisting my teacher years ago in a retreat centre, I talked to a Singaporean who has just completed his long retreat and the first expression he has about meditation is that it is worst than national service! He said that even though there are times the training is strenuous, disciplined and bored, yet at least he has a chance to daydream – for no one can really tell what he is doing – whereas in retreat, he is been reminded to sit still and not allow the mind to run loose! Worst, when pain were to arise – he is told to stay with the discomfort without changing the posture. Oh, my God! He ended the retreat happily though – with a little more understanding of himself.
It is of no wonder many people just give up meditating after awhile – seeing the futility of the practise. I have been doing meditation for the last 30 years and throughout those years I have seen people coming and going in the practice. I am amazed how I stayed on so long, though upon hindsight, I don’t have proper understanding what meditation truly is in my early years, until lately. I thought I knew, but what I knew in the past is narrow and unwise – though the teaching supposedly leads one to wisdom. My previous motivation in meditation is about getting something, about not going to hell after death (if ever there is such a thing) , or many a times to feed my ego. Chogyam Truangpa calls it spiritual materialism.
I am not saying that all those years of practice are meaningless. It have brought deeper insights into my understanding of the mind. At least it have also allowed me to come to who I am now, progressively. But what is missing during those years are information – right information about why, what, which, how. In my early years I am told not to ask too much questions about meditation, neither am I encouraged to read books on any other form of meditation techniques. It was indeed fortunate that I have not gone astray with the scenario I was in.
So what is meditation? In a nutshell, meditation is about understanding the mind, developing good qualities of mind states and transcending the egoic pattern of the mind. Do you have a mind? If you have, then meditation is necessary. Meditation has nothing to do with religion though most of the techniques sprung from religion. Why is it so? It is important to note that great masters do not have a religion until people who came along the way make it one. Prior to their enlightenment or meeting with God (whatever it means), they are just like you and me, pondering on the purpose of life.
That leads them inward – understanding themselves. If you have a mind, meditation is key to unlocking the mystery of who you are. Is it necessary to know, you may asked. The mind, though so near and yet so far, is seldom understood. It has never left you or me, from the beginning till the end – wherever we are lead. Strangely, to many, their suffering is about something or someone out there making them so, not seeing that the mind is the problem rather than what is out in the world. If you do really see this then you can be sure you will be motivated to keep seeking inwards rather than approaching outwardly to get your peace, your love or even your happiness.
Is there any other way of improving the mind other than meditating? Yes and no. Depends how you define meditation. Meditation is not just about sitting still and doing nothing – it is about understanding the mind, irrelevant whether you are sitting, or, on the move. Thus meditation is about being aware of the workings of your mind, as much as you could in your life, moment after moment. Life is meditation. Without meditation, there is no life, as the mind is either drowned in the past or in the future. Life is about now, passing away moment after moment, irrelevant whether you are aware of it or not. So to savor life, give attention to the now, as much as you could, making life worth living for. So long as you are keeping awareness of the mind, you are already meditating. Yet, there is more to it.
I’m a lover of what is, not because I’m a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality.
– Byron Katie