Month: January 2010

Which attention do I give when I am giving a gift – the value of giving or the value of gift? Many a times my giving is about unworthiness, about looking good, about how a person will view me by the gift I am giving – all about seeking approval from without. Seldom it is about the inner value of my own needs and peace of mind. My teacher used to ask me which importance will I give to life – outside or inside? What he meant is whether we give ourselves priority or others?

To the norm of the world, when I give myself the best, I am seen as selfish. Even the guilt is found within me whenever I give myself the best. What is the cause of this misperception? Upbringing and beliefs. There is a salient difference between giving myself the best and selfishness. There is no difference between selfishness and selflessness. Both have lob-sided discrimination. When I am selfish I ignore the plea of others, in selflessness I ignore the plea of myself. Experiencing both I come to the middle way – neither selfish or selfless – non-self.

But to come into the centre I have first to acknowledge both extremes. It is because of both extremes do I know where the balance is. So it is fine whether I am selfish or selfless, provided that I see the extreme of it. If I were to see selfishness as wrong I will be compelled to do the opposite extreme – selflessness. Both are about right and wrong which is a judgment instead of wisdom. When non-self is understood, seeing things as nature rather than a self attached to it, the action that is derived from that moment is motivated by wisdom.

Where there is wisdom there is always peace of mind to myself. Or else I cannot find a point where I will find my peace, my balance. The result will be either about guilt, regrets or anguish.

So whenever I give, do I give out of love, compassion or joy, or out of commitment, pity, or unhappiness? There is no right or wrong to both except that both leads to different consequences. I don’t expect to attain peace of mind if my giving is motivated by ignorance. In the same I can expect to attain peace of mind if my giving is motivated by wisdom.

Thus in truth, giving is about what comes out in me rather than the gift itself. The size of my gift is irrelevant. What the person thinks will not be my business, except him or her. If I am faced with guilt in the midst of offering the gift, I can be sure it has to do with my inner motivation – ideas. Even that I can take the experience as an opportunity to understand the reason of that motivation. I will do my level best not to beat myself up as I would have understood by now that every action has an idea behind each motivation. So what is the idea that I need to recognize, to understand and to see the illusion of it? I can’t remove ideas nor try covering it up with positive thinking – it does not address my root issue. What I just need is a little patience to see every past idea as a part of nature unfolding. I cannot do better than what I have done in the past – if it has come from ignorance, I am willing to accept that the consequences will naturally bring dis-ease and guilt.

So the journey of truth is about recognizing the blocks to love presence  and that is wisdom too.

If a picture can paint a thousand words, a sentence can do better than that – countless meanings. Each meaning doesn’t mean anything other than what it is trying to convey at that moment of its interpretation.

Words are but symbols of symbols, twice removed from reality.
– Yeshua

The meaning I give at each moment only last, but that moment of time. Each meaning has a wonderful range of ideas attached to it. The next moment of expressing that same meaning would have mean another meaning to myself and also to others, due to the fluctuating changes of ideas coming up the next moment. The mind is not static and thus whatever that comes up is varying all the time.

As I try my best to convey the same meaning again the next moment, I would have gained a deeper insight in the process of saying it, or I may have missed a certain key words that made that meaning incomplete. Even if I were to repeat word by word of what I have spoken, my level of understanding at that point of time would have varied, due to the change of conditioning arising hitherto. It is fortunate that changes are taking place or else I would never have grown out from that meaning. Meanings are but conclusions and all conclusions are like a nail to the coffin – flattening the richness of the actual experience that is been understood at that precise moment. It can also be a bane when it comes to transmission.

Meanings are interpretations – to interprete is to mean putting a symbol onto the experience, onto the reality of what is true at the precise moment of experience. There is no way meaning can replaces experience as experience is a kind of understanding that have myriads of angles and perspectives to it. Even a simple cup can be seen from numerous angle, each angle conveys a different perspective, not to mention the levels of understanding that can be derived from a certain topic of discussion.

Imagined what could have occurred when a message is being expounded by a master, a seeker or anyone else for that matter. Each person listening at that point of time would have many conditioning within them –  level of understanding, state of mind, intensity of their attention, ability to discern, ideas that is accompanying that moment – brings about the culmination of interpretation of what they are hearing. Language barrier, comprehension of the words used, the phrasing of the sentence are other factors that will influence my capacity to understand. What about the feelings at that moment – my feelings will influence the way I perceive things.

Ponder on the implication of each permutation of conditioning that comes to each moment. Everyone will understanding according to what has been heard at his or her own level – and may not wholly represent what the speaker is trying to convey. What more when the words are been written down and passed on year after year, decades after decades, centuries over centuries. Language do change, disappear from civilizations, or even took on a new meaning, distorting the meaning further.

Hence the fallacy of words.  Of scriptures. Of translations. Of beliefs. Of traditions and cultures. Of rules and regulations. Of principles that changes over time. Fallacies of everything that is found in this world of form – I have no possibility of understanding another except myself. Even that, is an impossible task if I don’t take to task the effort to remain vigilant and mindful of the elusiveness of the mind, the deep conditioning that comes along with it, and what enters into the mind through my senses.

If I truly wish to understand what Truth is I have no choice but to enter into the domain of the mind – the storehouse of the unknown, the mystery of life and the ending of the meaning of existence – of the world. Blessed will be those who comes into understanding themselves – the workings of the mind.

To each its own.