Author: asitisnow

there was only happening
there is only happening
there will forever be only happening

yet of them all
there is only happening
as past or future is happening here now
as present thoughts
mangled in imagination

what is more to say
except happening
happening
happening
and still, and yet
another happening
to each moment?

happening is experience
and experience is what you are
and what you are
is simply…
“happening”
not “your” happening
or “my” happening
but simply “happening”
arising, passing on
happening [again]

yet is there “again”?
or simply new, fresh… gone
anew …
from nowhere to nowhere

to be exact…

now here … now here

Probably you have not noticed (else you would have loved) that “the person that you can’t forgive” is in your mind? Not really “your” mind since it does not belong to you, but the mind is simply “an arising” for experience to be experienced. You see, the mind is simply “happening” to mean, it is just an arising of different experiences occurring moment to moment, albeit seamless and endless. The mind is not “something”, “somewhere”, nor is it  “somebody”. It is simply a kind of nature that has the ability of experience to be experienced.

Have you not noticed that each moment of your so-called life is made out of experience; and that “experience” is the mind? That experience, whether it comes from any of your senses, is constantly accompanied with the meaning of “I” – “I am experiencing this or that”. The “I” cannot be removed, nor can it be annihilated as that is impossible since the “I” is merely a projection of the function of “knowing” – so long as “you” exist, then “you are knowing”. “You” and “knowing” is inseparable, indispensable, for existence to exist.

So when it comes to unforgiving, what occurs within the mind of the beholder is the idea that “it should not have happened” – this meaning is conjured within the mind and has never left the mind, so to speak. Somehow, when one does not notice that this thought is simply within the mind and has never “came out of the mind” this obvious experience becomes an imagination of sort that there is “someone” out there that one cannot forgive. The truth is that you can neither forgive or not to forgive another since it is impossible to do so as all the “talking of forgiveness” has never left the mind of the beholder. It is a game one continuously play with himself or herself.

In fact, what one seemingly can’t forgive outside – is not the person, or the body, or something, but a certain character traits that is inherent in that specific event that triggers the irritation. That trigger is clearly an indication of what has been an ancient idea, lodged latent in the mind that has pain meaning in it that has yet to be released or undone. In other words, the mind has been carrying this pain for a long time and each event that brings up that pain is actually a call for inner forgiveness to be initiated so that “where you made a faulty choice before you now can make a better one, and thus escape all pain that what you chose before has brought to you.” (A Course in Miracles).

So, forgiveness, in all its due, is not to let go of anybody from your wrath of resentment, but to free the mind’s illusion that is within your experience of a once misperceived idea that has not been undone. Forgiveness has always been for you – fortunately! To forgive another is missing the mark. When perception is not directed correctly, its result will be a misperception of event, thus arising the “I am holier than thou” attitude, which is not just meaningless, but non-existential. This perpetuates further the already ignorant state.

It has probably been about three weeks that I have observed the car washer not doing the job that I have paid him to do. Instead of the regular three times a week, his washing made it to only twice a week. I took notice of this fact and also acknowledge that a certain uneasiness has crept into the mind. As I was walking along the road passing by my car this morning, I saw another car with the windscreen wiper up indicating that it has been cleaned, but not mine. Most of the cars in my area are cleaned by a group of washers at the same time and thus the mind immediately conjured the idea that he is not doing his job on my car again.

I took the opportunity to seek him out to convey the message of what happened, mindful beforehand that whatever emotions that were to come out from it is something I have to deal with instead of making him wrong. Somehow after seeing him, the feeling was uneasy and upset. As I brought awareness to that feeling, reminding myself that it is not directly connected to the story of the scene, I came to get a glimpse that it is because of the meaning of wrong I have put into the event that the experience of upset came to be – the fact of what happened is one, interpreting it as to judge him wrong is another. It was indeed a revelation as I was able to bring scrutiny to the pattern of the mind instead of the past where I would hold him sentence for a period of time.

But more intriguingly is what follows after that tiny realization. As I was lying down on the yoga mat exercising in the comfort of my own room, reflecting on what I have realized, I came to a deeper understanding that what sparks of the whole scene of event is the deep-rooted idea of right and wrong. And it came from the view that “I paid him to do the job” instead of “I appreciate him for the job he is doing”. One came from demand, the other from love – one is to him, the other for him. Hence, if I was also to turnaround the meaning towards myself, the similar effect would take its equation,  –

• Cause (A): He is paid to do the job
• Effect (A): He is doing it to me again (not washing my car)

• Cause (B): The job he is doing is for me to appreciate him
• Effect (B): What he is (not) doing is for me to understand him (as to bring compassion to it)

Both have different connotation of ideas and each carries opposing effects of feelings. It is insane to expect Cause A to have Effect B as that is not how nature works. Hence if I was to have the idea of Cause A, I am to expect Effect A as it’s consequent, thus the misery. Not that one is better than the other, just that both are opposing realities – one is against reality, the other is in support of reality.

I can realize this mentality only if I give notice to what is occuring in my mind. One frequent observation I take notice of late is the expression of “thank you”. I notice that wherever I am appreciating what others are doing, there is a loving verbalized expression of thank you in comparison to “it is your right to do the job and thus no expression is required”. Expression of thanks is simply an innate appreciation brought into exclamation, of gratefulness brought into expression – thus “thank you” is not for anyone “out there” though it may seems to be, not because we wanted to please another, nor is it because of guilt.

It also dawn upon me that if I do not take notice of the meaning of wrongness occuring in the mind, I would not have any other choice except to feel upset.  Similarly when upset is in my experience, I can’t help but to link wrongness to upset, thus perpetuation that feeling further. Amazing isn’t it? What we are constantly doing unto ourselves!

Thus it has been said that there is only me, the world is merely my own reflection. My belief is my attitude and I am fully responsible for it. I can choose to recreate what I am experiencing, only if I realize that my past is conditioned, and I am choosing again from love, not because of past; not because I see what is past is bad and wanting to rectify it to make it good again. Spirituality is to go beyond good and bad and to see Truth out of both.