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Ego Exist, Wisdom Is

I used to take for granted that the opposite of darkness is light but as the wiser part of me grew I start to see the falseness of this so-called truth. In reality, darkness has and will always be, or, in other words, is. The whole entire universe is dark except for a few blob of lights here and there. Light is in existence amidst darkness. Relatively light is impermanent as it is in existence. The word “to exist” means, to be sustained and thus temporal by nature. Whereas darkness need not be sustained as it always is and thus no need for existence.

I like this analogy very much as it reminds me of the statement made by Yeshua: There is no necessity to seek for Truth but it is necessary to seek what blocks us from the Truth. Truth is, and will always be. Ego exist amidst Truth. As such I am not wiser than you or you are wiser than me. Truth or Wisdom, Is. What disallow me to see this are the blocks which I need to work on. The meaning of non-separation is based on this analogy. What separate us from each other is the illusion of Ego – but beyond (or amidst) the Ego is Truth, or Wisdom, which has and will always Is – thus the word Infinite Wisdom. There is no such thing as Infinite Ego as ego exist! And each existence is limited by its conditioning.

And that too reminded me back of what the Buddha said when he mentioned that he found the Truth. Truth can’t be created except to be found. To find darkness, you just need to dim or extinguished light. Darkness is always there, awaiting you. So it is interesting to note the word “ignorance” frequently been used in Buddhism – ignoring what is already here for one to recognize.

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Misguided Behaviour

I was reading one of my favorite book of all time, Broken Open by Elizabeth Lesser, and came across this quotation which I find it appropriate and relevant to my inner process of reclaiming my power today.

Man: Doc, my brother’s crazy.  He thinks he’s a chicken.
Psychiatrist: Well, why don’t you turn him in?
Man: I would, but I need the eggs.

– Woody Allen

During my meditating this morning I start to realize how I drained myself psychically by putting my power outside me. Psychically I could feel a part of me linking to something outside me, equivalent to the experience of anger hooking on to someone. The attachment I give to is draining my power away from me.

Now if I need approval from you, I am already draining myself as I need to continously give attention to you waiting for your approval. The attention I give to the person is the energy I invest in, thus putting my power outside me. It could be anything from I need love from you, I am jealous of you, to something trivial as a complaint, like, why are you so grumpy today. In short, any meaning you give to the world is an investment of your part.

All this investment gives your power away. Let me illustrate to you an example. If I need approval from you, I am saying inside me that I can’t approved myself and thus needing approval from someone outside to fill the gap. Now if I were to question my thought I will be inevitably lead to the source of that need, which is my incapability of self-approvable. To replace that I have to heavily invest my attention or power outside to complete what is not inside me.

Now If I am wise at at point, I could see through the illusion of this needing approval, and by doing so reclaim back the power I invested outside. You will know for yourself whether the power is been reclaimed by the freedom towards the person you targeted, or by the dissollution of the illusion.

Another method I could work with is to recognize the illusion of the idea that I have about my need for approval and replace it with a new idea of I am approving myself unconditionally. Recognize that both too are ideas except that one brings bondage and the other freedom. You need the contrast to nullify the other. This method could only be performed if you truly see idea as illusion.

Now all of us know through hard knocks and bumps in life, that it is never possible to consistently get anything from the world (world meaning outside). If we get anything from the world, it only make us want to get more as the getting does not truly replace what is within us except the illusion of it. Somewhere deep within us we are aware of that truth, and yet, and yet we still hope and hope that one fine day we can oppose that truth.

Isn’t that needing the eggs though we are aware that “he’s not a chicken”?

To quote from Byron Katie “an unquestion thought is the beginning of suffering”.

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Putting the Cart in Front of the Horse

Seeing everything as illusion, experiencing Truth, or even acquiring wholesome mental qualities are all effects rather than causes for one to work on.  In other words you cannot practise “seeing everything as illusion” as they are effect of a certain causes that need to acquire first. In the same way you cannot experience Truth directly, nor try to be “compassionate”, “loving”, or non-judgmental. You can, except an imitation.

Imagine you have not eaten a durian before and someone came along telling you how nice the taste is. Without tasting it would it make any sense for you to keep repeating how nice the taste — whether to yourself or to others? That is what makes knowledge and wisdom a huge difference. One is a lie, the other a truth. When I use the word “lie” I am not saying a conscious expression but rather an unconscious experience that is totally devoid of essence.

Thus when one proclaim “everything is an illusion”, without experiencing it directly, one is only adding another baggage to the mind, an idea that is of no difference than seeing everything as real.It has far reaching implication than just baggage. Firstly, it creates conflict to the mind, as in reality the mind has yet to experience it and yet one tries to make the mind in believing in. Now that is a mission impossible as you can’t lie to the mind except lying to yourself. It is like telling a lie and yet ignoring it is a lie. That is compounding lie.

Belief and Realization have different effects altogether. Both don’t arrive at the same destination, though at times we are been convince that belief is the beginning of faith. Belief do lead to faith, but blind faith. Understanding leads to faith, a different kind of faith that sometimes refer to as confidence.

Secondly, misguided view leads to the strengthening of ego. Ego arises from ignorance of what is, an unconscious choice we made in our intent and action. Whenever ego is present, there is no possibility wisdom can arise, unless and until you recognize the presence of ego in you. Even then, it may not be as simply as we think it is. Try recognizing anger, when it arise and you will get what i mean.

In summary, understanding is key to spiritual growth. Specifically, understanding the principle of cause and effect. For example, to come to the result of seeing everything as illusion, one’s cause is realizing its opposite as as unreal. In the same way, to experience Truth, one has to recognize the falseness of things in perception. Or to develop wholesome mental qualities, one has to understand the aspect of the unwholesome mental qualities.

Recognize, realize, understand are all aspect of a wisdom mind. They are the causes to breaking open from what is not to what is, in other words from ignorant to wisdom. Wisdom is the beginning and yet the end of the journey.