Illusion to Reality

An untrained mind is inclined towards craving, the incessant wanting and not wanting. Whenever I am not mindful, not aware of the now, the nature of the mind is always about the past or future. And each thought about the past and future has either expectations or guilt in it. When I think about something pleasant in the past, there is an expectation for it to occur again. When it is about an unpleasant thought, the mind either expect the unpleasantness to be get rid off or guilt takes over me. As for the future, the mind expect pleasant experience to occur and may even worry for the unexpected to happen.

Each craving or expectation depletes the mind, wasting unnecessary energy that can be conserved for better use. Thus thinking unnecessary eats up my mental energy, making me restless and lethargic. Furthermore when my expectation is not met, which normally is the case, upset ensues. Each anger depletes me further. Anger blocks the energy flow in the body and creates further dis-ease. Each dis-ease affect the healthy growth of cells in the body. Imagine the harm I do to myself when I am unaware, unmindful – the wastage of energy and the creation of toxic waste in the body.

Whenever I am upset, the verbal expression is always harmful and excessive. I tend to verbalize my anger more and probably louder. There is unnecessary wastage in my expression. I tend to breathe unnaturally, holding my breath, disallowing a good flow of air coming into my body. The more I tense the more I disallow the natural flow of energy – leading to long term damage and wastage of the body system. Similarly, whenever there is desire or expectation, there is a potential overuse of energy to pursue my needs, not to mention overeating and food wastage.

I observed that whenever I am unmindful, I tend to turn the water faucet more than needed, wasting water unnecessarily. Environmental pollution has a lot to do with heedlessness or unawareness. I am directly responsible for what is happening around me. It can be a tissue paper I used, or forgetfulness to close the fridge properly – all leading towards wastage and non-conservation.

If I wish to see a better world, I have to start taking stock of my craving, my forgetfulness of being present to my desire and resistance. To help the world is to destroy the world, to help myself is to save the world. So long as I am reluctant to see my own shortcomings, my overused and wastage, I am condoning the death of mother earth, even though in form I am seemingly supporting environmental work.

Peace in the world comes from me, not through advocation or provocation. There is no peace so long as I am not at peace with myself. There is only enemy simply because I am against myself. Everything starts from me and ends in me. To forgive the world is to forgive myself. To forgive myself is also to forgive the world. Both comes in pair. Each moment of unforgiveness is a grudge I made upon myself, an endless revenge of myself until I come into peace with it. All acts of unforgiveness is a waste of time, of energy, of mental peace and freedom that is within my reach, each moment.

Desire and the Importance of Failing

…
A window opens.
A curtain pulls back.

The lamp of lovers connect,
not at their ceramic bases,
but in their lightedness.

No lover wants union with the Beloved
without the Beloved also wanting the lover.

Love makes the lover weak,
while the Beloved gets strong.

Lightning from here strikes there.
When you begin to love God, God
is loving you. A clapping sound
does not come from one hand.

A thirsty man calls out, ‘Delicious water,
where are you?’ while the water moans,
‘Where is the water drinker?’

The thirst in our souls is the attraction
put out by the Water itself.

We belong to It,
and It to us.

God’s wisdom made us lovers of one another.
In fact, all the particles of the world
are in love and looking for lovers.

Pieces of straw tremble
in the presence of amber.

We tremble like iron filings
welcoming the magnet.

Whatever that Presence gives us
we take in. Earth signs feed.
Water signs wash and freshen.
Air signs clear the atmosphere.
Fire signs jiggle the skillet,
so we cook without getting burnt.

And the Holy Spirit helps with everything,
like a young man trying to support a family.
We, like the man’s young wife, stay home,
taking care of the house, nursing the children.

Spirit and matter work together like this,
in a division of labor.

Sweethearts kiss and taste the delight
before they slip into bed and mate.

The desire of each lover is
that the work of the other be perfected.
By this man-and-woman cooperation,
the world gets preserved.
Generation occurs.

Roses and blue arghawan flowers flower.
Night and day meet in a mutual hug.

So different, but they do love each other,
the day and the night, like family.

And without their mutual alternation
we would have no energy.

Every part of the cosmos is draws toward its mate.
The ground keeps talking to the body,
saying, ‘Come back! It’s better for you
down here where you came from.’

The streamwater calls to the moisture in the body.
The fiery aether whispers to the body’s heat,
‘I am your origin. Come with me.’
Seventy-two diseases are caused
by the various elements pulling inside the body.
Disease comes, and the organs
fall out of harmony.

We’re like four different birds,
that each had one leg tied in
with the other birds.

A flopping bouguet of birds!
Death releases the binding, and they fly off,
but before that, their pulling is our pain.

Consider how the soul must be,
in the midst of these tensions,
feeling its own exalted pull.

My longing is more profound.
The birds want sweet green herbs
and the water running by.

I want the infinite! I want wisdom.
These birds want orchards and meadows
and vines with fruit on them.

I want a vast expansion.
They want profit and security
of having enough food.

Remember what the soul wants,
because in that, eternity
is wanting our souls!

Which is the meaning of the text,
They love That, and That loves them.

If I keep on explaining this,
the Mathnawi will run to eighty volumes!

The gist is: whatever anyone seeks,
that is seeking the seeker.

No matter if its animal,
or vegetable, or mineral.

Every bit of the universe
is filled with wanting,
and whatever any bit wants,
wants the wanter!

This subject must dissolve again.

Back to Sadri Jahan and the uneducated peasant
who loved him, so that gradually Sadri Jahan
loved the lowly man. But who really
attracted who, whoom, Huuuu?

Don’t be presumptuous and say one or the other.
Close your lips. The mystery of loving
is God’s sweetest secret.

Keep it. Bury it. Leave it here
where I leave it, drawn as I am
by the pull of the Puller
to something else.

You know how it is. Sometimes
we plan a trip to one place,
but something takes us to another.

When a horse is being broken, the trainer
pulls it in many different directions,
so the horse will come to know
what it is to be ridden.

The most beautiful and alert horse is one
completely attuned to the rider.

God fixes a passionate desire in you,
and then disappoints you.
God does that a hundred times!

God breaks the wings of one intention
and then gives you another,
cuts the rope of contriving,
so you’ll remember your dependence.

But sometimes your plans work out!
You feel fulfilled and in control.

That’s because, if you were always failing,
you might give up. But remember,
it is by failures that lovers
stay aware of how they are loved.

Failure is the key
to the kingdom within.

Your prayer should be, “Break the legs
of what I want to happen. Humiliate
my desire. Eat me like candy.
It’s spring and finally
I have no will.”

–  Mevlana Jalaluddin Rumi (Mathnawi, III, 4391 – 4472)

From ‘Feeling the Shoulder of the Lion’
Translated by Coleman Barks

It is interesting that a friend of mine sms-ed me, commented that I sounded bored with life as reflected in the last two entries. Yes, I have to admit that life is a little boring. “A little” is an underestimation. Probably I am the only one around her who is bored with life.

But hey! Isn’t we all bored with life? Or more precisely, the nature of the mind is always bored, seeking for new stuff to be entertained? Ask ourselves these questions – what are games created for, and what about movies? What about theme parks, entertainment outlets and many more that need no mentioning? I guessed it may not be possible for one to understand what I am writing if they are preoccupied with the world, consistently seeking new challenges, oblivious to what the mind is going through that compels one to seek. As Lonnie Swantek commented in one of the entry “If I would have read this a few years ago, I’m not sure what I would have thought… but today I agree with everything in this post.”

Let the discerning man
Guard the mind,
So difficult to detect and extremely subtle,
Seizing whatever it desires.
A guarded mind brings happiness.

– Buddha

Have you ever relate to the mind? How consciously do you ever connect with yourself? It is pretty shocking when I start to know the mind, the very mind that I am living with. In the past it is about excellence, self-improvement, positive thinking, and many more other mind control stuff, but little do I realized that what I am doing is actually inflating the very ego that I am trying to transcend. I have never kn0wn the mind except increasing its egoic power.

To truly understand the mind, I have to be aware of it rather than using it as a tool for my own means. And awareness is about taking stock of the mind, not entertaining, not identifying with it, but rather taking a step back and just observe the nature of it. It is only by doing so can I get a clear picture of what this mind is all about.

In the past, fear is the main factor for me to excel in life, for me to get what I want, and also as a mean for me to control others. I am still doing it unconsciously, but as long as I am aware, I would prefer to choose love and understand instead.

“If you bring forth what is within you, what you have will save you. If you do not have that within you, what you do not have within you will kill you.”

– Yeshua