The Inception Game

Never mind the refund. Not even lodging a complaint. In the very first place, I didn’t even ask to be in this amusement park without having an end to it, where I can walk out as freely as I entered. Neither am I aware that getting my way out of this park is another game I need to figure out, besides what this park offers. It is not stated in the rules before I stepped into this darned nightmare.

Welcome to Elm Street or closer to a newer version of disillusionment, Inception, where dreams are carried into multidimensional layers. Isn’t that what life is all about? Obviously we can only know what we know and not know what we do not know and thus to have this latest movie at our local screen is a confirmation that we are so well-versed with this thing called life that we are able to create unimaginable, though not unfamiliar, stories out of it – while we await our turn to find our way home.

But who was I prior to entering this park? Or do I really exist except as a residual memory of disconnectedness? What if I was to find my ticket home, will I, at the very eleventh hour, resist? Though I am pretty tired of the games this park has to offer, yet there are many a times the happiness I get from the little experiences in between makes me feel otherwise.  But then again, after each exhilarating moments, I am left with an unanswered question of what’s next? The darn thing about it is that I keep forgetting. Seems like this is one of the many unseen rules that exists in this park – that makes me replay the game again and again, albeit in a fresh but yet not unfamiliar game, having similar endings of boredom that propels the what’s next idea popping up in my head.

The great thing about this park is that I am given the freedom to create my own game, along with the set of obvious rules I have to subscribe to. Mind you, the rules are further categorized into seen and unseen. The unseen rules are pretty tricky as they manipulate my perceptions and trap me further into the game.

The seen or obvious rules are four by default, where I am not able to manipulate and change – that there is a beginning and an end to each game, with in betweens of intermittent breakdowns and gradual degeneration. And if I were to play the game unfinished between these four, I have to continue a fresh game somewhere, someplace, somehow – within this borderless multidimensional confinement of the park and without having prior memories of what I have created. Well, we humans have cleverly coined the four as birth, death, sickness and aging to define the seen rules. These four rules are unavoidable. Other than these, everything goes.

One of the unseen rules, causal relationship of cause and effect is primarily the underlying condition to the whole theme of the park. It makes change possible. The word eternity though exist in our human language, does not exist in reality. It only defines a long period of unknown time without change in it. Where there is change, eternity is out of question as the game may get unimaginably unpredictable, unfolding or ending abruptly. Change creates the meaning of time and space, distance and length, forms and transitions. The four seen rules are governed by this primary unseen rule of cause and effect.

Due to the nature of these seen and unseen rules, hence there exist the seen and unseen experiences. For example, what can be seen may be pleasant, but yet in the unseen, the unpleasantness is lurking, unknown to the beholder. For that is the nature of occurrences in this game – that they exist in pairs, in duality opposites. The like and dislike seems to be the main reaction to each experience within the game. As the game unfolds itself unpredictably, the reactions unfold itself predictably within the confinement of both like and dislike in forms of desiring and resisting, holding on and pushing away, inclining or declining.

Rarely are there impartial responses to each experience in the game. But one thing I am certain; where there is impartiality experience of object and subject relationship, a shift is felt – the game seems to take on a twist – an ending of sort. For that I have to be aware, to be mindful of the play of the unseen rules, a force that propels me to go further. Once this force is understood, the ending journey of the game begins; the undoing of what I have created in unknown immemorial time. And as the tiny light is found at the end of the tunnel, I am seeing the possibility of ending the game within the game to find my way home safe – the home that is unconditioned, uncausal, uncreated, and eternity…

Voice in the Head

While driving back home from a function last evening my eyes caught on to a rear sticker of a car that read “forgive your enemies”. For a brief moment, I pondered on the silliness of that statement. Not that I am judgmental about what others have to say but rather after long being with the mind, knowing a little more about how it functions, I wonder how could it be possible at all to forgive someone that we are still labelling as enemy.

The world’s teaching, sad to say, religion without exception, be it in the past, even now, is consistently about doing. Are these statements too familiar to you – “I am caught in a tangle of trying to do, trying to live right. I don’t know how to not think or worry or control. I don’t know how to let go.”

Did you not start to realize that this voice has never failed in reminding you to keep doing? Yes, you need not even to remember, for you will be reminded again and again as if there is a confidant or confidante (if ever there is such a thing as a male or female inner voice) in each of us that tells us of what to do next – a private and confidential secretary of sort. Not that we are not forgetful – in fact majority of us are, for reasons we can’t comprehend of late as more and more people are complaining about forgetfulness – the thing we can’t forget, though we want it to, is the voice that keeps reminding us “what to do”, “how to do”. Have you not notice? If only this damned voice leave us to our peace and allow us a moment to savour what is in for us, NOW.

Instead of what or how to do next, which is about ignoring the present, we seldom stay in the moment and question what is going on or how and why is this happening. When we don’t pause and ponder on the present, we are only denying the present by covering up what becomes the past, allowing it to fester deeper. Instead of allowing the next step to arise from understanding, we make the next step a denial of what has occurred. To glimpse this eternal truth is the beginning of our integrity.

It doesn’t matter whether it is a thought of worry, anger, frustration, joy or happiness, so long as there is this sanity that allows us to recognize that each and every experience that comes into the our picture is an experience, not something for us to resist, to hold on to. Instead of taking the next step, we explore what is here for us. For each experience points the way to our cause, usually a dysfunctional cause. Experiences are merely effects of what our causes are churning out each moment. Only when we recognize the cause can we naturally change the course of our future. It cannot be otherwise as all changes can only occur through understanding, not through ignorance. Whatever resist, have to persist.

The journey of our inner spirit reminds us to pause and to remember that the voice in the head is merely a voice, an echo of the past or the future – devoid of essence except a resound. But this we forget. We forget to be mindful of the voice and instead fall into its prey. The voice of the ego seems to be more attractive than the voice of the spirit – never failing us at each moment whereas the spirit has to be recalled as if it is seldom there for us. Or is it because we choose not to listen?

We choose not to listen to the voice that says “enemy”. We choose not to listen to the voice that says “forgive”.  When we hear the voice in our head forgive your enemy, we are quick enough to jump in and do the necessary. We give the voice a gospel truth. The voice “enemy” confirms in us that the party is wrong. The voice “forgive” confirms that we are right. But no matter how hard we try to forgive, the voice “enemy” keeps popping up in our head. And we try a little more. We enlist ourselves in counselling, in workshops, in whatever courses we can grip on to release from the tyranny of this enemy. But where is the enemy except in our mind? And where is forgiveness except a voice in our head? So long as the voice keeps going, genuine forgiveness is impossible. So long as the meaning of enemy persists, unforgiveness has to follow. How can it be otherwise?

To forgive is to make another wrong, in our mind. Instead of healing our thoughts towards others, we condemn them to eternity, by forgiving them. Forgiving is not a doing, is not a thought but rather a realization stem from understanding of a situation. When all these conditions are met, genuine forgiveness arises naturally. The meaning “enemy” simply drops off from the mind without me needing to do anything about it. It does itself.

Hence the importance of staying present and to allow the inner spirit to guide me to understand the situation by giving myself the interest to know what is the cause of the voice in the head. Does the voice enemy have much to do with what I am not accepting? Has it much to do with what is against my ideal? Is there any truth to my truth? Does the voice forgiveness have to do with righteousness? That I am right and others are wrong? That I am compelled to pardon others for the wrong they have done instead of genuinely recognizing that what others have done is not something I could pardon except to understand? Who am I to pardon or even to judge, when I can’t even see the same infesting in me, albeit a different degree? That no matter how much pardon or forgiveness for another, those ideas have never left me? Forgiveness is for myself, not for another. I am my own Enemy, and no other. I have never left myself except in my own delusion.

I can’t do forgiveness. Forgiveness does me. When I meet with understanding, forgiveness unfolds. Forgiveness is none of my business, except my work in understanding the mind.

Contentment

Interrupt, or Doomed

What begins, needless to say, has to continue, unless being interrupted. What has not been interrupted will continue to develop and transform, or mutate, and have its end result based from the original cause and what comes along with it. It is a determined path, a path that has all its prerequisites of what it has gathered along its way. Whereas where there is an interruption, the process itself is put off tangent from its otherwise fixed path and enters into a new horizon of potentiality, of new experiences all together.

This knowledge is common sense to me, and probably to you, as a reader, too. But strangely, when it comes to the mind, I am oblivious to this process also occurring in it. I seldom question the mind, seldom interrupt it, so to speak. And if I don’t question it, the mind will follow the path that it is used to. It cannot be otherwise. Each questioning or inquiry is an interruption to what the mind is predetermined to do. In other words, if I am experiencing a certain pattern in my life, I am already not questioning my mind. It can be an event, a situation, a relationship, or even the same note of emotion that seems to haunt me again and again in a certain familiar fashion whenever I am triggered. If this emotion is historically repeating, isn’t it common sense for me to realize that an old program is still running in me, irrelevant whether the storylines or dramas that unfold are different?

No, I don’t. I am ignorant to that. I don’t see it as common sense. Hence I don’t inquire within the mind. I keep solving it outside instead of addressing the mind – by fixing the world. I try to fix, and if it doesn’t work, I would gladly escape from each drama and go on with life, to be hit again by another; like a tsunami; albeit with a different storyline. There are times I am cornered with an issue, nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, and you know what? I give excuses, to buy time, hoping everything will be solved by itself. One of my favourite ways, which is what a guy normally does anyway, is to keep silent – a silent war within, though there seems to be a silent war without. But does it calm the situation? Fat hopes. When it comes again, as another wave of tsunami – shucks, the pain, the hurt, the agony, of those familiar emotions and again it is the routine of blaming whoever victim that is there for me to target. Come to think about it, isn’t it dumb and insane to keep hoping that my life will be hunky-dory at the very near future, with the same old programs running in the mind? Isn’t that what we are all doing – putting in action the same thing again and again and expecting the result to be different? Albert Einstein called this insanity. I call it a nightmare!

And we are fully aware, or should I say expert, on this field of ancient emotions; except that we can’t get rid of them, or rather do not know how to, and thus keep it a secret in our closet – the mind – as if, we are abnormal compared to the world. But as you would have known by now, the mind runs according to what you give to it and thus what you hide is what it runs! Oops! The things that I least want becomes my experience now – horror of horrors! Isn’t there a way out of this rut?

It is always about abandoning issues, needing approval, fear, insecurity, victim mentality or self esteem, so common to each and every one of us, that we become familiar with it. It is a secret but yet, an open secret! The more we hide those stuffs, the more it takes on a new twist. Since we deny it and find more ways of doing that, we keep manipulating this reality to the extent that it no longer shows itself as it is, but in a new mutated way of something beyond our recognition. As they say, same stuff, different packaging. Superiority is just a facade of inferiority. Inferiority is just a facade of insecurity. Insecurity is just a facade of fear. Fear is just a facade of guilt. They are all one. What about then the so-called love, need, friendship and many more found in life? What about anger, jealousy, discontentment, restlessness and even happiness (yes, happiness!) that we keep chasing after? Are you getting a hint by now that they are our demons in disguised – the stuff that we hide which becomes a projection out in the world? What is real within becomes real outside but since we deny what is within, our reality now focuses in the world, forgetting that the real stuff is actually in the mind – the cauldron of experiences.

I frequently asked myself this pertinent question – why am I perceiving something as I have done before? Can I not look at it differently? Could it be that I am so stuck with my views that I am not allowing myself the chance to see things differently or even accurately? What if my ‘accurate perception’ is a denial of my misperception? You get what I mean? Since I have been so intimate with the mind, albeit a sly relationship, is there a possibility that I become intimidated by it? Possible. Am I denying something within me when I make a conclusion of what I am experiencing? Am I running away from the truth of what is going on in me and thus making the world a scapegoat for my escape – so that I need not face what is within me? Surely, if I am looking at things the same way, the mind has already taken a predetermined path that arrived to exactly the point of what I am experiencing now. Isn’t that common sense?

If this is true, why am I still judging and blaming the world for what is occurring to me? Have I missed the mark somewhere? Have I unconsciously settled on a determined path the mind took on to conclude my experience or could I have interrupted it with inquiry so that it may have started taking on a new highway? Am I taking the responsibility of what I am experiencing now, irrelevant whether it is a new story or drama that unfolds, recognizing that they are merely a facade of a task to what I have given the mind?

And to support this journey of inquiry, I have this maxim in hand – if I see something as I have seen it before, I am not seeing it at all. Inner inquiry is an interruption – a healthy interruption that provokes the mind to look at things differently. You see, the nature of the mind is, should I say, pretty dumb, or, merely a perfect follower. It repeats accordingly to what it has been given. It is a good follower of a “manual” given by me, consistently changing according to what ideas I add on it. It will think, see, speak, feel, smell or act the same old way, without having the cheekiness of changing its course, so long as there is no new information given to its database – simply because I am that. More than that, when it comes to a brand new situation – an all new experience altogether where the mind does not know how to act, the mind will work according to its limiting resources in finding a solution, which many a times caused me much embarrassment. Do I have a choice not to? Have you not notice this before?

For the mind, although being a forerunner of all things; is merely a tool – its function is to follow what instructions I give to it. If I perceive myself a victim, I have started the ball rolling for the mind to take on that meaning. From there it becomes an idea, not just an idea mind you, but it churns out to be my reality. It works according to that idea – it cannot be otherwise. What I put in, it works accordingly. There is no me in the mind, except a tool for me to experience what is in the world. What I hide, what I deny, becomes what the mind is working. There is NO hiding place, sad to say, in me. Not even a cave, a universe, or anywhere else to tuck my fear. It is in ME! Goodness gracious!

When I don’t interrupt it, the mind takes a pathway that it has always taken. It does not have a life of its own, so to speak, except to run its old program the master has given to it. Its purpose is to continue what it knows. When I am not mindful or aware what I inject into the mind – the ideas and views that I took on unconsciously – the nightmares and horrors begins, as that is what the mind is exactly receiving from its end and do not hesitate to start working on it. It works 24/7, all the time, churning out experiences according to what I perceive. Do you not see this? Now, instead of me being a master, I have positioned a switch of roles, giving the mind the function of a master instead – like the dog leading its master during a walk – who is the master here?

And without interruption, life is a mediocre, trapped in its suffering of what I gave to it. The mind is not the problem. I am. So, for me to return to my helm, instead of ignorantly playing the game of hide and seek, not with anyone but myself – indeed a dumb game – I have to bring in inquiry, to allow inquiry as chief in recognizing the game I played in the mind. I never questioned myself, you see. Even if I question, I’d give it an answer that is from the same level of the mind – the space of my hidden fear – a horrible mistake I repeatedly make upon myself. Isn’t that what sin is to mean – missing the mark of what I have mistaken. What else can I expect the answer to be when I answer my own question which comes back to me much like a simile of a dog chasing after its own tail, forgetting that it is one with it? How ignorant can it be!

For that I have to inquire, but not answer to my own inquiry. Even if I were to inquire, what questions would I pose to the mind? It makes a difference – a darn great difference from where my questioning is coming from – in short, intelligent questions, and not questions that fix or try to escape from an issue. It is a question of needing to understand what is occurring in me – a journey of education, a journey of understanding, a journey of undoing, instead of creating a way to resolve. See, the mind has mastered the game of impostor which I have taught so well and now it looks like it is against me – forgetting that it was me who once upon a time placed those information, which at that point, seemed harmless; only to have the tiny mad idea become a reality that had taken a monstrous form to haunt me now. My, oh my, what illusion have I created?

For that I have to open my heart deeply to observations, and end to all judgements, including those of myself for judging. For that I will have to allow wisdom to unfold instead of being clever myself. For that I have to be true to myself. I will have to end all blames, acknowledge my arrogance and cockiness and give myself up, so to speak, in order to live again. For that I will have to surrender totally to what is and just be still, ending all doing and just be – being in the space of awareness with common sense again; to remember not to forget to be in the now for each now is the doorway of where my mind is – in other words, to be mindful instead of, mindless. And, so it is!

How can we say that we have lived fully everyday by simply experiencing the same emotions that we are addicted to every day? What we’re actually saying is, “I have to reconfirm who I am” and my personality is, “I have to do this, I have to go here, I have to be that.”

A master is quite a different cat. It is one that sees the day as an opportunity in time to create avenues of reality and emotions that are unborn, of realities that are unborn, that the day becomes a fertilization of infinite tomorrows.

– Ramtha

Slipping Through My Fist

Slipping Through My Fist

I have drifted down a ways along the shoreline,
I just watched these ropes give way
where they were tied.
I could have reached out quick when the ropes first
slipped, if I had tried,
but I was wondering where the wind was trying to take me
overnight, if I never did resist, and
what strange breezes make a sailor want to
let it come to this,
with lines untied, slipping through my fist.
It is downhill, all the way to the ocean,
So of course the river wants to flow.
The river’s been here longer,
It’s older and stronger and knows where to go.

David Wilcox

My Intention Seals my Own Outcome

My intention seals my own outcome, irrespective what the world offers in return. In other words, my end is my beginning. If my intention of giving is for the sake of a return, my outcome will be expected – returns. My intention here is clearly not of giving, but returns, except using giving as a means to arrive at my intention. ‘Giving’ is used as a scapegoat. There is no giving at all in the very first place. It is the wolf camouflaged under a sheep’s skin. Accurately speaking, giving has never been in the picture at all. If each moment determines the next, how can the first moment of intention, which is ‘return’, changes its direction and become otherwise? How can the quarter middle, middle or second quarter middle, or even at the very last moment have ‘giving’ as its pathway? Impossible.

To allow giving to set in, which is an intention itself, the intention of return has to die, has to end. Both cannot coexist at the same time. A pathway can only change where there is an end to its beginning, with another new beginning taking over its course. True change can only be made possible through wisdom, else the course is doomed with its end similar to how it begins. And this applies to everything in the world, for intention, or mind, is the forerunner of all things.

No wisdom, no talk, as the world goes on with its end result predictable to its beginning. The play is between ignorance and wisdom. A wise intention changes the course, otherwise the impostor comes into play – as what the root word ‘ignorance’ means – to ignore what is true – that it is the wolf in the sheep skin.

So the mind has many impostors in it, copying what is genuine into imitations. ‘Return’ made into ‘giving’. ‘Taking’ made into ‘receiving’. All imitations have self-interest invested in it. With the maxim, give to Caesar what is Caesar’s, then return will have taking as its end and giving will have receiving as its end.

In other words, giving is in truth, receiving, as both end and beginning are similar. Similarly, with an intention of receiving, giving has its end as a result. Hence, when I truly give something, I am bestowed with the gift of reception – that the other end completes its cycle. If there is an expectation of return, I am in truth playing the game of taking, not giving, for each meaning of return has taking as its beginning.

As such I need not await what is bestowed to me from the world, as I have already bestowed myself the moment I set my intention. What I expect from the world is my own ignorant, a lie I unconsciously put upon myself. Only wisdom allows me to see this. Or else the world is always seen as defending or attacking me – an imagination I concocted from my own delusion.

With return as my intention, I am done. With giving as my intention, I am done too. Both have different end as its result. To say thankyou is redundant after the act, except as an expression of appreciation, and not of gratitude. To have gratitude is to see that there is something out there for me or to me, which is delusion at play. Everything is of me. If receiving is my game, giving is my end – I give myself the gift of allowing things to arise from me – not that someone is giving me. ‘Someone’ or ‘something’ that comes my way is only a manifestation of my intention. In reality and proven by quantum physics there is no one out there “out there” except an imagination of our consciousness. That is the true meaning of the law of attraction. I am entitled to what I intent. I am my own entitlement.

Turnaround

It is rather strange how the spiritual journey turns out to be …
a completion of sort,
a full cycle,
and yet gone nowhere
neither here, nor there
but yet everywhere.

There…
Here…
Ere…
Re…
E…

(poof!)