Jealousy – do I have a Choice?

Not if I am ignorant. Jealousy is an inherent nature of the mind. So long as there are wrong ideas in the mind – ideas that are ignorant by nature – jealousy is set to arise. Why is that so? Idea creates projection. Whenever I have an idea, I can’t but not notice that the idea is a projected thought – though in reality ideas never left its source.  The projected thought creates a seemingly separation from me. It is either about myself or something out there. I don’t see idea as me but rather about me. The same with the world – it is about the world. It is like one looking into the mirror. I don’t see the reflection as me but rather about me. Whenever it is about something, I am prone to judgment. And each judgment has the tendency of right and wrong.

Every judgment is preceded by comparison – I can’t help comparing as it is part of perception’s work. Perception function is to memorize and each memory that does or does not matches the past will be automatically compared. If I am not present to recognizing c0mparison is a function of perception, and not me, I will automatically be compelled to  judge – as what I see, I see as something either better or worse than what I have experienced before. Even seeing things as the same is also a kind of judgment – a blind judgment that is ignorant by nature.

Whenever my judgment is about something better than what I had experienced before , automatically, I am in favor with what I seemingly perceived. I see myself one notch higher than the past, whether be it myself, a relationship or any event or situation, for that matter. I felt happy, not being aware that my happiness is about judgment – I am holier than thou attitude. In truth, it is a lie that I am more spiritual than before, except a hallucination, a fabrication of delusion.

I observed this pattern when I am helping someone for a period of time. During the help, I consider myself compassionate and ever willing to lend my hand as a gesture of goodwill and selflessness. I feel holy and noble with my action. The moment the situation changes, I am faced with my own demon of jealousy – that there is no reason to help anymore. I can only see through this illusion if I am authentic with myself for there is  no possibility I can lie to myself. But if I am not skilled in observing the mind, I will accept it as a moving on phase where help is no longer a necessity. In this context, I am been reminded by Byron Katie’s phrase – I only see it as a loan, when the person returns me what I have given out.

If it is a genuine help, I don’t event question what attitude the person has. I give unconditionally irrelevant what he does or does not do. If I am affected by his attitude I can be sure my help is conditional. I could have help from the space of seeing him as a victim – I am better than him. The moment the victim meaning disappears in my mind, I see him as a threat.  That is when jealousy or even regret arise from what I have given in the past.

For that I am not in favor of the word help, in my space. Either I give unconditionally or if I were to give conditionally, I am to accept the pain that comes with it – that is part of nature of how things work in the mind.

If my judgment is about something unpleasant, I can’t be having jealousy as I have the illusional mentality of  “I am better than thee”. Whereas if the situation does not reflect better or worse, but seemingly sameness, I will ignorantly go along with it. Seeing things the same is ignorant simply because there is no sameness in anything except now. There is recycled experience, but not the same – it is always presented anew, though not truly new.

Thus, irrelevant how I view the world, if I identify with my ideas, I am prone to delusion, to ignorance and I can be sure of error. I can be sure each aversion directed to anyone has jealousy in it.

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