Nothing Special is Special

It is in the non-specialness is specialness found. Anything that is special is merely a facade of “what’s in for me” – a lie the ego tells to entice me to seek further. My egoistic specialness is usually found in my focusing on the future, an effect that may or may not exist. My attention is always on the destination, never or seldom, in the present – the very journey itself that finally arrive me to the destination. The destination is a lie. What is more real to my own experience in the now is the journey itself. Each specialness I give to the destination makes me missed the mark that I am supposed to experience at this moment.

Instead of seeing the beauty of what my partner is, irrelevant whether she is in her good mood or not, I am always portraying that she should not be this or that. I am creating specialness in her instead of seeing nature unfolding in front of me.

To face what is in front of me, no matter how trivial it may seems, is the unseen doorway to my inner gate of freedom. The little, little, understanding of each facing, of each unfolding is the specialness. To look elsewhere for specialness is missing the mark of what is already here for me.

I have specialness in relationship, specialness in achievements, specialness in financial targets, specialness in material gains – all these specialness have not reaped any fruit in the past except enticing me to have more and more, an addictive behaviour, detrimental to my inner beingness. Each arrival  of specialness is short lived – it makes me lost the glory of acquirement and thirst me into seeking further.

Can I see specialness in each moment – that each moment is a wonderful creation of all unseen forces of causes that finally arrived me here in the now, albeit a momentary experience. Each moment is telling me a full story of the conditioning that I have unconsciously created. To be at the moment is to be at the beginning of my creation. Without being in the moment, gathering the data of each differences, I will never know how I arrived at my own conclusion which I always abhored, seeking further and more. I never like what I created, simply because I am always never in the now and thus the future that finally arrived is a creation of my own moment to moment ignorance of what I am supposed to witness. I am consistently in this cyclic of delusion, ferrying me deeper into yet another level of delusion, a web that is so difficult to disentangle.

For that, my presence in the now is much of importance if I wish to create a future that is of my highest happiness and freedom. What is in the now is already an effect of the cause of what I created in the past. Getting angry and upset over what is in front of me makes no sense – whether it is a news I am reading, a person that seemingly is confronting me, or a pity I take upon someone’s suffering – they are all telling me about me – how my judgment is about my own creation that I have unconsciously intended in my cause – the mind that is wittingly playing out what I am intending.

All intention is my creation and thus the Buddha said – volition is karma. When I don’t have wisdom I will be killed by ignorance – chasing for things that is totally irrelevant to my purpose here.

And this is what I loved about the statement made by Yeshua, repeatedly mentioned in this blog:

J said, “If you bring forth what is within you, what you have will save you. If you do not have that within you, what you do not have within you will kill you.”

May I see myself safely home….

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *