I was on the phone the other day with my friend who has just came back from a long holiday. She shared an intimate personal experience where she observed a strange dynamic occurring between herself and her partner. On days where her mood is down, the other seems to be on his jovial trip and there are days where she feels great, her partner seemingly goes into his down mood.
That sounds familiar to me as I have been observing this play of co-dependencies for years in my relationship with my partner too. More than that I observe there is also a egoic compulsion of bringing the other person down when I am down – the “lets merry together’ syndrome. The insane mind seldom rejoice in other’s wellbeing – it wants the other to suffer together.
That makes a different between a holy communion and an egoic communion. Egoic communion works on co-dependency, holy communion on inter-dependency. Egoic communion steps on each other boundaries, holy communion encourages and allow the other time and space for growth.
The ego see another as a separation and for that it repulse what it does not like to see and hold on to want it wants. Whereas the spirit sees everything as part of its own and thus to support it is to give itself the same. Imagine if I were to see you as a part of me, separated only by space and time, I would support you, for I am aware that if I don’t I am actually not supporting myself. The simile of the fingers would illustrate that. My partner recently shared with me how she realized her discomfort of her last finger is causing other fingers immobility in handling simple chores. When people around me are not supported by my wellbeing, I am incurring unnecessary dysfunction in my own process. We are all intertwine, unconsciously as a unit.
If everyone around my space is a part of me, each and everyone has his or her own role to play – and that dynamic makes the growth of the holy communion possible. There was a story in the Buddhist tradition that tells about an acrobat father who was holding an upright post with his son above, shouting to him to take care of each other so that the act will be performed well. And the wise kid replied back to his father that if each takes care of themselves well, everything will be taken care off. We can only support others by our action, not by intruding into what they are doing, and thus forgetting about ourselves.
Now, if the holy communion is actually myself, manifested in many roles, played by a different part of me, I allow each role to play its best, as I can only play well in what I know and that is what my role is. When I allow the space for others to be who they are and to take full responsibility of all my biasness and shortcomings without specifically targeting on anyone else I am contributing generously to the communion, which is ultimately for me. More than that I am allowing the other part of me to heal itself through the roles they play, when space and time are generously given.
On another perspective, I am not just supporting myself but also supporting and giving a freer way to the spirit to work through me as it assist me in releasing whatever blockages or misinterpretation I have about the world. That is what sangha community and holy communion is all about. There are mere labels to serve its purpose – namely, to undo the ego for one to experience the Truth.
*MMOB – Mind My Own Business