Month: June 2010

From personal observation and experience, the Spirit, Wisdom or Essence, whatever you may call it, never left me; not even once, not even a breath of a moment. Not like stories of the old where I hear about “have mercy God, why have you forsaken me?” – for God, or Spirit, or whatever name I put upon it, is not something, or someone that is separated from me. It is inseparable. In fact the word “separation” was not even in the equation at all in the very first place. It is just a delusional experience I get when I don’t realize that there is nothing that I “should” not have and nothing that I “could” have other than what is already here for me.

The meaning of “lack” only arises in me when I want something other than what is already here in my space. What is already in my space is all that I am – for that is who I really am – defined by what is in the experience. In short, experiences define me. If anger is in my space, I define myself as “I am Angry”. If food is in front of me and a pleasant experience comes up in me, I define myself as “I am Happy” etc. I am peaceful, I am hurt, I am stupid, I am intelligent, I am jealous – mere definitions of experiences. I am being given experiences all the time, not one moment short of it. Other than experiences, I am no-thing – not even “I am”. In fact, “I am no-thing” is also not spiritually correct as there is no “I am” other than experience. When experience arises, “I am” accompanies it. In other words there is merely experiencing but no experiencer, observing but no observer.

But desire or clinging makes me think otherwise, delusionally. It makes me think I am “Someone” or “Somebody” if I have what I want. In truth I can’t have anything except experience itself. “Experience” and the “need to have something” is exclusive and yet the same thing.  The “need to have something” is an experience that is already in my space. If I don’t see it as an experience, I fall into the trap that it is “I” that is needing it, hence “I am needing” instead of needing as an experience. When this equation is not seen exactly as it is, I ignore the Truth that is present at that moment of time and fall into the dream of lack, which calls forth the meaning of “separation” of what I am wanting and not able to have it. Irrelevant whether I will have it later or not, but each wanting is already a meaning of “separation” attached to it.

Ignorance is the cause – in other words missing the mark resulting in misperception that is going on in the Now. Hence, clinging is the effect. Both this causal relationship of ignorance or clinging is wrong view by nature. A wrong view or idea that comes into my space which I do not recognize it as an experience but instead latch on to it as “I am experiencing” – a delusional realness that perpetuates the nightmare of this so-called existence. Existence does not exist except in a dream, an illusion of clinging on to the idea sprang from not having and thus the need to seek for it. Right here, right now, once the misperception is change – from seeing it as an experience, rather than “I am experiencing”, what is misperceived is brought into Truth – it is all just a tiny mad idea.

Herein lies the Peace; immaculate, unspotted, untouched, unconditioned – where “I” was merely a dream, a dream that has never occurred at all, except in an illusion. And illusion is but a misperception, a delusion of sort, an off tangent of what is – missing the mark.

it begins
as an unobvious error
a very tiny little bit of misperception
a REALITY off tangent
and a whole meaning of time conceived
harmless as it may seems
left unchecked
a nightmare
an unimaginable suffering.

beyond time
beyond space
nothing
occurred
except but a dream.

wakeup… wakeup!

***

an article worth reading:
http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/thanissaro/freedomfrombuddhanature.html

Each moment of experience bring us to make a choice that is to either respond or react; in other words, based from right or wrong perception.Right perception is one that is based from wisdom, a learning that we have understood or realized from the past. Wrong perception is a conclusion that is based from ignorance, a judgment that we interpret, without giving ourselves a chance to reflect wisely within us what is the lesson of that moment. To give attention to the effect is a misperception as there is nothing we can do about it, thus wrong perception.

In short, we either learnt from the past or make a blanket conclusion out from it. It is not true that we always learn from the past – in fact we seldom learn except make conclusions out of what we experienced – through what we like and don’t like, instead of what brings us freedom or bondage. If it is a true learning, it would have been a realization, an understanding, and hence wisdom that leads us to peace and freedom. If our present actions are based from our past experiences of fear, of what we like and don’t like, then we can be sure we are locked into our past, experiencing a bondage that we have to apply in the present again, to escape the pain. “To learn” is to mean giving ourselves the space of an open mind to reach in and understand what is demeaning our peace, our freedom. If the mind is in the state of righteousness and arrogance, unaware of the fear lingering at the background, we have shut ourselves to understanding, to wisdom.

It is about being aware of these two dynamics playing up in us at each moment. We can only know or recognize them by being awake to the moment. Rarely we were trained to do this – hence the practice of mindful living. The mind is constantly focusing on the outside rather than in here – the very source where all issues are. Let me illustrate an event that shows these dynamics. I was on rice fasting for two weeks and there were many a time I smelled delicious cooking coming from my neighbour’s kitchen. To an unquestioned experience, the first thing that came to mind was how nice it was if I was able to savour that food. That thought would have perpetuated me further to a wild imagination of “what if”s and probably led to my giving up my fast in exchange for that pleasure. Or on the other extreme, the mind may have guilt for having such a thought and out of fear or shame, forced itself back quickly to some other activity as to avoid the temptation.

Both thoughts are detrimental to freedom and peace though on the onset it may seem as if I had picked out the right thing to do. But what I did was neither of both. I allowed myself the space to recognize the nature of the mind that was taking place – that nothing could be included or excluded from past, except to acknowledge it. Whatever effect experience that came up from that scent is nature – I don’t have a choice in it. My only choice lies in how I respond or react to it. I don’t have a choice not to smell the scent – either it comes into my space or otherwise. And as I allow nature to unfold itself I realized that the scent has nothing to do with my taste, except a thought that arise subsequently wanting to eat it. What has the scent got to do with eating? That understanding alone was enough to bring me back into peace, recognizing that smelling is part of the process and wisdom has the ability to differentiate it with the taste and hence the end of the thought. This self inquiry arose when I give myself the space to observe how nature works – not by suppressing or refraining from smelling.

Right choice comes from wisdom. And it is also wisdom that makes me see that I can’t stop others from judging me. And it is again wisdom that allows me to learn from the situation after it happened. Where there is no wisdom, there is no choice except jumping into a reaction which is based from wrong perception of the past and what started off as ignorance will spiral further that leads to more defence, attack and ultimately blame and pain. There is no other way except to relearn from it again in another situation where we are called upon to choose again – to inquire so as to gain deeper insights into the reason of our errors and the pain deriving from it, which in return will be gifted with wisdom. Each little step we take in watching the mind is a sure journey Home, to Truth itself.