Month: November 2010

The mind is constantly experiencing things the way it already always experiences. Seldom does one get out from that already always state unless being challenged to do so. Even that, to come out from that box takes much coaxing and resistance. Is it the nature of the mind to stay status quo or that we have not been trained and encouraged to question and investigate life, and hence when being presented with situations, the only way out is to apply the already always method, either by complaining, blaming, resisting or fixing it?

Consider the minds of great teachers and masters. Are they simply different in the sense that they are special and given some extraordinary ability or vision to discern the Truth? Who gives? Or did they arrive at their own true space after much wise discernment through trials and errors of practice, without ignoring the fact that they too have somewhere at the beginning of the journey, been provoked to question themselves regarding life and its meaning? Look at the classic case of the Buddha. It was through questioning life that made him embark on the journey of the recluse and many years of further determined inquiries that finally led him to Truth.  He questioned the many teachers of that time, not out of disobedient, but simply out of the thirst for truth which he knew he has not arrived at although well-known teachers of that time confirmed that he was already “there”. He questioned his own austerity practise when he was close to death’s door. He questioned conformity, which I would say was seen as a rebel of that time.

He inquired about the reason for the need to die and to be born. It perplexed him why people have to fall sick and get old. For mundane people like us such questions are irrelevant and even strange, simply because we take life for granted.

Look at another statement made by Yeshua – all are given but few choose to listen. We are all given the gift of coming into the Truth, but seldom do we take the step in seeking. And to seek is to mean to inquire – inquiring what is here more than just life. What is here more than just experience? What are experiences?

We have always been taught that we learn through crises and problems and we know for many an experience that seems to be true – growth only follows upon pain. Is it necessary to necessitate pain to learn and to grow? For me it is not the pain per se that invokes understanding but rather the questioning mind and the subsequent looking for the solution that brings about growth. Without questioning, seeking is impossible. Whenever we are faced with a task that takes a new way of resolving something, the first thing that always comes to mind is what is the best way of doing it – it starts with wise questioning. Even when we are faced with a stuck situation, to get out from it needs questioning.

Do we see that it is the questioning that invokes the mind to search for a solution? The Buddha too did the same – questioning life. In normal cases, we only question when there is a problem but seldom do so when things are in well condition – and the normal reply is why the need to disrupt the happiness that is already happening? In fact, we have no reason to question when life is good, when the mind is happy, when desire is intact. But what is really happiness? Is there truly happiness or simply attachment to feelings of pleasantness, which is to mean there is continuous avoidance of unpleasantness? Not that we are inviting sadism, but rather to acknowledge that life is an addictive process of needing to feel good, unconsciously chasing for that medieval feeling, so illusive and brief, just to feed that addiction which many seldom question; and in that process, hoard and manipulate situations, events and relationships just to have that.

Is that what life is all about – to be born, live and die in vain, to feel good? Or is there something deeper and profound to life that we are not questioning? The cue is in inquiring. Not simply any kind questioning or inquiring, but wise questioning – wise inquiry that is profitable to our well being, and also of others. But be forewarned, as the path is pretty uncomfortable, as each questioning lead us to seek inwards and that inevitably puts us in a position where we’d have to face our ancient pain and discomfort where we had all the while passed the bucket of responsibility to others when we were not willing face it ourselves. It is time to come home to ourselves, only when we start inquiring. Not once, not twice, not many but all the time until the Truth has finally arrived.

Until then, never be tricked by the mind to conclude that we are already “there” – until being tested again and again by situations, events or even, relationships – when we are no longer affected with pain or discomfort, but simply consistent in compassion and love in our perception. Let not our Truth be confirmed by others but rather through our own conviction and deep realization that we have finally arrived “home”. It is a personalized journey. Until then, every trigger is our gift for us to seek another inquiry, confirming in us that work is still in progress.

It dawned upon me lately one important clue why my wise meditation teacher seldom gives direct answer or statement whenever I post him a question. Instead, he will counter me with another question, allowing me to ponder and inquire deeply. What he does is to make me investigate, instead of simply accepting any statement as true or false, and comes into my own realization and understanding of what I allow myself to recognize.

There is an important dynamics occurring in this space. He knows how important for each individual to realize for themselves, instead of being spoon-fed with answers. And for realization to arise, investigative nature has to come into picture. And for investigative nature to happen, the mind has to inquire, hence his counter questioning. In the past most of my teachers keep mum over my questions and some even go to the extent of discouraging me from asking. On hindsight, I wonder how wisdom could arise when there is no skillful way of encouraging a student to grow except to believe without questioning what higher authority has to say, or worst, keeping mum over it.

My years as student, and also a teacher to some, showed me directly how their growth has much to do with how I interact with them. There are times I tell them what is in their space, without giving them opportunity to ponder. And I observed that my direct statement to anyone, be it a person who seek counseling, or a friend who needed clarity over her issue, not only reinforces what is already in her already-state of uselessness or usefulness, as in inferior or superior, but also disallows her to move out from that state. In short, my “telling” confirms in her, her own old belief patterns, or in worst scenario, using those direct statements I have said as a tool against me for what had happened.

How can this be so? Is there anything “wrong” in being direct? When I “tell”, I am disallowing the wisdom in them to inquire and thus make a conclusion for themselves. Worst, if their faith in me is blind, what I say becomes their gospel truth. For me, each “telling” or being direct, is indicating something deeper in me that I am not seeing. I can be telling from a brutal honest space, which does not help you at all, but only invoke pain. But more importantly is why do I need to be brutal? Is there something amiss in me I am missing? Could it be that I am being irritated by you that I need to attack? My teacher would have shown me that ignorance can be honest, not to mention wisdom. He would have me recognize that the key is not in honesty, as it can be fabricated. What is more important is my attitude to each moment, in short my motivation. I can be lovingly honest, giving many options for you to ponder as to allow you to arrive at your own understanding. Or I can be brutally honest, paving way to my own error and also in you.

When I tell you, instead of the wiser way of assisting you to inquire, I am already concluding a situation which is never profitable to your hearing, whether it is something pleasant or unpleasant, as that only makes you think who you are. And if you are wise, you will question my statement, which may pave way for me to look within and inquire too. But if you do question, you too can make sure that the question you post is in support of another’s journey and not a subtle statement of attack for your own fulfillment, but a genuine inquiry to understand further.

That is the whole dynamic of being conscious and bringing conscious awareness to another and when I am unconscious I am only cementing unconscious state not just in me, but also in others.

I seldom contain my experience, as to allow its dance to end in the here and now. I proliferate it by furthering its feeling. If it is a pleasant feeling, I further it by my unconscious manipulation, finding ways to make that feeling come to me again. If it is an unpleasant feeling, I try to remove it by my unconscious manipulation, pushing it back to the abyss of my mind again. And amazingly there are countless ways the mind can do to salvage that. But I will know, so long as I am not ready to contain each experience into the moment, the journey of proliferation of the ego or defilement has already begun. The now is the doorway for the vicious spreading of the ego.

If subtle hurt arises in my space as an experience and I do not contain it in this little cubicle call “now”, the next moment will see the mind finding ways to justify it, glorifying the hurt in ways I could never imagine, making me more righteous. In truth, the hurt is not as important as my attitude towards it. But who on earth likes to face his or her hurt except to quickly extinguish it with whatever meanings that can come up at that time. And the mind can be pretty cunning and sly. Though there may be times I am ready to face my hurt, behind the facade are storylines of being betrayed, seeking opinions and even manipulative scheming. As much as I would like to face the hurt, all these meanings take over precedent, making the experience becomes the now. So the journey of facing it is not something that is static where hurt is just the issue, but the continuous stuff that comes along with it, which has to be dealt with instantaneously, leaving no room for complacency, else at any one moment where there is unawareness, proliferation of the ego has begun, leading the way of our action, that may not just be detrimental to us, but also those close to us.

To contain each experience is to make the experience personal, not that it belongs to me, but rather only I can deal with it, not anyone else, not even those who can give me perfect insight into it. From my own journey, I came to realized that only a good spiritual friend can show me ways on how to deal with it with an open answer, inviting me to inquire, rather than giving me a close answer that makes me justify what I am already in, making my old ideas rooted deeper.

A statement from the world may mean anything, something or even nothing to me. But if a meaning was to arise in me, triggering a specific feeling in the now, I can be sure it is an old idea running in the system that needs inquiry – be it a pleasant, unpleasant or even neutral feeling. For the game of Freedom is not about feeling all these feelings, but rather to recognize that the feelings are what we are chasing after and to end these incessant addiction is to inquire at that precise moment what comes up from our attitude towards those feelings. It is a doorway to our way Home.