Month: December 2010

The ball has, and always, will be in my court. Nothing left me and never will. The world is simply my reflection, a projection of what is in the mind. What about me to you then? Am I your projection?  This question is tricky as the projection principle doesn’t apply both ways, at least in my space. You can speak for yourself but I can’t speak for you as to do that is to deem that somehow down the line I am not fully accepting the fact that my ideas never left its source, and that’s me.

For example if I were to say that I am your reflection, I am not seeing that this sentence comes from my mind, and hence my idea. It has never left me. And since the world is my reflection, which includes you, who am I then to dictate, except my mind again? It is like blame. If I realize each blame is actually a blame occurring in my mind, to myself, I would not even care to blame myself anyhow, as to redirect it to myself is no difference than to do it unto others as it has never, never left the mind. They are merely ideas churning and playing out its own game, and I am the experience of it.

To finally undo the mind to the level of the awakened state, or enlightenment, as one puts it, never involves anyone – it is a totally personalized and alone journey. In fact it is more than just being alone as it is simply all, as in the mind. To make up the meaning of ‘alone’ is to mean bodies – that I am separated from you and thus, alone. Alone denotes a self, a person feeling it. In reality that is unreal as what occurs is merely mind play, nature taking its own place due to conditioning, arising and passing away as quickly as it comes, to be reborn again. It is beyond the meaning of self, beyond control.

Hence when I work on the mind level, being mindful of each moment the meaning the mind gives about the world – the reaction to what is – I am soon to realize that there is all it is, everything occurring in the mind. I am merely awareness and wisdom, witnessing the play of mind conditioning.

Each trigger I have about the world is what comes up in the mind, never once left me. It may seemingly perceive that the world is the cause of my reaction, but without what is already within the mind, how can I be reacting? The mind is only reacting to the dance of the world, hence “trigger” is merely an alert, indicating what I have not faced, arising again for me another opportunity to heal.

Thus to make you a scapegoat by admonishing you, by putting instructions on you on what you should or should not do is simply missing the mark of my own journey Home. Not that it is wrong to direct my attention to the world; it is simply prolonging my journey towards the destination I am longing for. It is of no wonder that the journey that takes a moment Home can take countless lifetimes as I keep forgetting that there is only me, me alone in this journey. In my absent mindedness of not remembering this Truth, I draw myself unconsciously back to the eye of the delusional swirl – the repeated arising of birth and death.

The world cannot not reflect me. Each every moment it is doing that. In truth “the world doing that to me” is incorrect as the world is me, as in the mind. Any expression that I receive “out there” is telling me a tale of my subconscious, only if I wish to listen. But many a times I don’t listen except to buy into the story. To listen is to mean that behind each experience there is something profound going on in the mind – stripping off the form, the story line – is my reaction, and this reaction is telling me my dance of my conscious and subconscious (as to mean what I am not conscious off) – the imbalance of ying and yang coming into balance. So long as there is a dance, as in me continuously reacting, it is already telling me the dance is still going on, the balance is still work-in-progress.

If I love you and yet I get a sense that you don’t really love me, it is my internal imbalance dancing its way, to mean that consciously I think I love you but subconsciously it is otherwise. The more I get hurt by what you feel for me, the more the dance goes further into imbalance as I am not getting the message that it is really me, all the time – my storyline is a lie – ignorance, so to speak, of what is obvious in me.

If I wanted to be alone and yet did not wish to let you know, fearing that you will leave me or misinterpret me, and by that I dishonor myself; it is telling a lot about me too – the dance is still ongoing! For each internal reaction is constantly a message of Truth – my play with my beloved, the opposite of the so- called me. Do you not see that in the midst of needing to be alone, I am also expecting that you don’t leave me – it is the clash of the titans – the imbalance of the ying and yang which the Buddha labeled as the two extremes, where when the dance is completed, I become impartial to both – not as not reacting, as not reacting is still a reaction; but impartial as loving what is – an expression of unconditionality.

So constantly I am in battle with myself, reflected by the way I react to the world. There is no-thing in the world, except my own game and yet if I don’t realize this, I have fully missed the point of what life is offering me – to bring me closer to Home, to awaken me to the Truth.  Listen deeply to the words of what the world is telling me, be it directed to me or not, and listen deeply to the way I react to it – both are letting me know what is in my subconscious and how I am dancing to it.

Let me remind myself this point – say what you wish, and do what you wish, oh world, and let me just remember this tiny truth at each moment – that, it is merely a reflection of a journey I have not completed and my role, solely, is to heal what is within me. My only setback in this journey is forgetting – not remembering to recognize this point, but that too, is ok. For each moment of remembering again, may I constantly be guided to remember that the world is merely my reflection…

Do what u will
and let me not wish you do otherwise
as I would have missed the point
of what is truly here for me

To change you
is not to accept what is already within me
furthering me from my already bondage
I have created for myself
through lifetimes of ignorance

Say you love me, say you don’t love me
tho that is what I wish to hear
or difficult it is for me to accept
let me not forget again

That it is not for me to change you
but to remember deeply with wisdom
that you are merely my reflection
of what I am not seeing.

The cry is here, the cry is there
wailing and grieving everywhere
for that is the world reflecting me
of what I have forlornly forsaken

Of a truth, so sublime I am not seeing
of a truth, so simple and yet so difficult to grasp

Wake me up, wake me up
from the drunk of delusion
from the stupor of oblivion
from the illusion of this game

And before this game finally comes to its end
let me love you as much as I could
as it only tells me about me
let me not love you too
as that again tells me about myself
for you are only merely an innocent passerby
a puppet reflecting in me
a part of what I have forsaken.

If I perceive that you don’t like what you are hearing
of what I have said
it is still me again
not as in blaming myself
but as in reflecting what my subconscious is telling me.

Oh dear what a mess I am in
barking aimlessly all the time
to finally find I have never left Home!