Perception: Disorder Syndrome

I think you are physically here
I’ve got it all wrong
I think you’ve left me
I’ve got it wrong too
you were neither here nor there
neither present nor have left
Except storylines churned out by the mind
of clever perception twisting reality

I think I am here
I’ve got it wrong too
I think I can one day die
I’ve got it seriously wrong
I think I have to be reborn
I’ve got the meaning wrong
for
if I am not here
not to mention there
where then is Now
with all its meanings of Past and Future
cleverly scripted by perception
of deception made real?

I never lived nor died
never conversed, never met
never born, never aged
never waited, never slept
never, never, never met the world
except the meaning of world within
even that is not true
except orchestrated by perception
played silently
with no one watching
no one cheering
no one clapping
no one crying
no one..
not even one, here,
observing
except sculpted cleverly by perception

no thoughts to shoot
no ideas to remove
no beliefs to burn
no hate to churn
no anger to vent
except to witness
equanimously
without a witness within
simply
witness doing its work
recognizing, realizing, awakening

Until then,
I see you
I see myself
I am here, you are there
you will leave
I will be lonely
I will feel betrayed
I will feel grief
I will, I will, I will
whatever,
… remember…
meaninglessly meaningful

Dynamics of Forgiveness, not even that

My teacher once heartily laughing pointed to me that we don’t eat, or rather, we can’t really eat “chicken” or “duck” or “beef”. If you are not familiar with the mind you will definitely be perplexed by what he said. On the same note, you can’t touch the floor. Nor can you see a “man”, a “woman”, a “dog” or anything with a name attached to it for that matter. Confused?

You can have a direct realization on this subject by trying out a series of experiment. Close your eyes and let your hand feel the objects around you. Observe how each object that comes into contact with your touch has a name accompanying it. For example, you may touch a pencil, a keyboard, a remote control, the table, etc – bearing in mind that you can’t touch the meaning of those object. Then advance further by touching more objects where you may not be familiar with – potentially you may not have those kind of object around you at this moment. But give yourself a moment to ponder upon this – when you touch an object that you are totally not familiar with, will you know what that object is, with your eyes closed? You will not. You can only able to touch the texture, the hardness, the sensation – in brief, basic nature of that object. Touch function is all that is – that touch does not have a name of that object.

Hence, when you touch the so-called floor, that meaning “floor” is not what your touch can do for you. That meaning is a separate function given by perception. You either only touch hard or soft – you don’t touch “floor”. At that point of of experience what you experienced is touch+meaning, or more accurately touch+perception. If until now you get where I am leading you, you will start to realize what it means by thoughts make projections real. When you see what your legs are touching on, the meaning “floor” is not “out there” underneath your foot. It has never left the consciousness where that idea came from – it remains in the consciousness as a momentary thought – but you don’t realize that in your daily seeing. Your thought projects it out and makes you think there is an outside – there a “floor” – it is just a meaning or a label from the mind, in the mind, of the mind – all done by the grace of perception. What about “chicken”? Ha ha. Its all in your head, so to speak.

“Nothing I see in this room (on this street, from this window, in this place) means anything.”
– ACIM lesson 1

As you look around carefully, all the things you seemingly know – everything within the periphery of your sight has no meaning “out there” except “in here” within the mind. There are no meanings “out there,” hence meaningless as it can be. Your clever perception conjures it all out, to the minutest meaning. In fact, you are living a world of your own meanings, to each its own. You have never, never, left yourself except bounded by meanings over meanings, overlapping each other, conjured by the function of perception in your mind.

The someone “out there” that “left you” is simply an idea, a meaning of a memory flood of perception. Perception churns juicy glamourous storylines out of each moment of idea and that is what you have to face – over and over again, thinking it has something to do with out there. No one left, no one came except seeing. A little out of the function of seeing, is the beginning of your story – a nightmare, a happy dream, whatever. You have to experience those meanings trapped within you since beginning of time until you get awakened by it. Betrayal? Reflect upon it. Hurt? Look into the abyss of your consciousness – you will see the beginning and the end of your problem. If you don’t see that, then forgiveness meaning is necessary – but the blatant truth is this: forgive others for the wrong they have not done (ACIM). And this brings you back to your very doorstep. You have to open that door alone, all by yourself, only to realize Love, stripped from all meanings, is all that is. Until then, “Love” is just a sweet idea of perception, a meaningless meaning.

My inner journey matters to me dearly. Your inner journey matters to you only. Until we realize that we never met – we are merely meeting ourselves, over and over again, life after life – if ever there is such a meaning. When we realized, awakened, we meet with love, with peace, with compassion, not for the sake of the world, but for our own and with that I see you from that light and you will see me who I am, in the mirror of your own mind.

Only then the Kingdom can be experienced on this earthy temporal plane, albeit still just an illusion…

The Unknown Grey Area of Our Lives

Our hearts tell a thousand stories, if not countless. Not the physical organ but the metaphysical part of it where all our mental activities resides. Where our heart is, is where consciousness lies. Within this consciousness springs amazing motivation, intention and action which probably on the surface looks similar but on deeper probe reveals a great massive of ideas behind the act.

As simple as generosity – what motivates act of generosity? Even the word “generous” reveals a deep meaning of an act that comes from wholeheartedness rather than from a restriction of conditions. One can do generosity from fear – having in mind that we will be punished if we are not generous enough. This kind of mentality can stem from childhood learning where an adult of fear-based mentality prone to instil fear or guilt on a child to inculcate generosity. It has the do or be punished concept where one does it not because of self willingness but rather from “someone” watching over. Many of our self-restraint actions come from that fear rather than from personal responsibility or wisdom.

Another person can be generous because of the meaning of cause and effect – that good will begets good. There is nothing wrong with this mentality except that it has also fear driven ideas behind it. On the other end of extreme this mentality also promotes greed – the wanting to acquire more in the future, hence more good should be done now. It does not come from wholeheartedness in seeing that the very act of giving or generosity is already a blessing itself as it brings joy to the provider and also the receipient.

Yet there is another type of individual whose act of generosity is simply to reduce and ultimately to transcend the illusionary meaning of ownership. In reality, nothing physical can ever belong to us except our meaning of ownership over it. That reminds me of a story of the Buddha with his attendant Ananda passing by two peasants (pheasant is a type of bird) arguing over a little plot of land and the Buddha upon passing by smiled lightly which caught Ananda’s attention. Upon asking what the smile is about, the Buddha expressed the delusion of ownership one can project onto a land.

This type of motivation is neither from fear or greed but from clear comprehension of the illusion of grasping an ignorant mind. It is a movement of ownership or attachment to freedom. The word generosity is simply a word but the implication behind the act is incomprehensibly unimaginable as when we do not inch our notice over the mind, each act can be motivated from selfish gain or guilt. It is like a tip of an iceberg where the massiveness below is not known. The law of nature is that what goes out will come back and hence our unwatched motivation will exactly present us back with results that we may not be pleased, either in the immediate now or future. Right information leading to right view is necessary to bring our act to purity, untainted by self-cherishing thoughts. Only then the actual spirit of spirituality begins.