Insidious Insider

the work of mind
consciousness perception feeling and mental formation
coupled with Delusion
creates multiple views
so subtle
yet potently insidious

like one tiny virus in a system
once crept in
will multiply
spread
infiltrate
mutate
changing everything in its way
so as to hide itself
for reasons to exist
in oblivion
to the host

“I am”
is not you
but a mutated view
deeply entrenched
in self preservation
of what is past
unquestioned
taken as real
transformed to belief
becomes “I”

many a lifetimes would have passed
probably ten
or fifty
or hundred
or even
thousands
to wake up one day
and realize
what is real now
that refers as “I”
is devoid of self
except an empty shell
of devious old programs
dubious it can be
rerunning itself
fed by how your old ideas
relate to it again

it does not matter whether
the object is something
you like or don’t like
though both reaction may look harmless
yet as insidious
as it can be
the way you relate ignorantly
is where the program runs
and how you relate again
keeps the program going
hence to come back forth
once again
and again and again
and yet again in memorial times
to re-experience
the old pattern insidiously
until wisdom
awakens to it.

how long since have we repeated?
we can never know
how many times have we come back to meet?
was never the question
for what is more urgent is the question
are you awakened
to the program
running the “you”?

Only then the dream ends
and you are brought back to Zero
whatever it means to you.

Missed the Cause, Missed the World

The world is an effect. What I experience are all end products that cannot be altered or changed. Hence what I hear, touch, feel, see, smell, taste or even any mind experiences are all outcomes, that is. So? What implication or impact does it have in my life? Lots.

Where there is effect, there are bound to be causes. In other words, the outcome of our experiences are resultant of unknown causes that we are not conscious or aware of that “forces” us to experience what we have to experience. If happiness is our experience, we have to experience happiness and if sadness is our experience, we have to experience sadness – exactly what we experience is what we have. Yet when we experience happiness we do not realize many a times the causes which lead to such effect is what make us happy. We may think it is the food we are eating or the money we are making, or the relationship we are in that is making us happy; if that is true, obviously we can recreate that experience and feel happy again – by eating the same food again and again, or making money repeatedly or even mimicking the relationship situation to feel happy – yet and yet, we already know repeated experiences do not give us the happiness – but strange enough, that is what we do anyway albeit in the know!

We try mimicking those events thinking that it is the event that helps to unravel the key to our happiness, but they don’t. Obviously the world does not give us happiness. If it does, anything can be objects of happiness, whether it is big or small. Again the world is an effect and hence, what causes us happiness, or even unhappiness is occurring in the mind and that is what we are not aware of.  We are not aware of what is going on at the mind level of that time and make conclusions that the experience we are having at that point is the cause of our experience.

In the same way when we are seemingly mad or upset with someone, we are not exactly upset with that someone as the feeling of being upset itself is already an experience within us, churned out from what is going on beforehand in the mind. That person is a scapegoat, a victim of our error, so to speak.

Similarly when we experience ‘aha!’ moments in our spiritual journey, we do not realize how those ‘aha!’ moments came to be and we try to create those ‘aha!’ moments again or even try putting those ‘aha!’ moments into practice, missing the point that those ‘aha!’ moments are ripen results of the prior conditions set for it to happen at that point. In other words, where there is no condition for it to arise, no matter how we mimic or make those experiences happen, we can’t possibly get back what we have experienced before – we are merely barking at the wrong tree, not realizing that the world we experience are merely effects of a greater mystery that we have yet to understand – causes at the mind level.

And again when we see someone happy – we do not realize that person’s happiness is a result of causes occurring in his mind that that we are not seeing. Somehow when we do not see those causes have in mind meanings like “I should be happy like him”, “why am I not as happy as him”, or “he should not be happy” – we try mimicking it or worst, make judgments at the effect not realizing that what we see is a deal done.

Obviously when we don’t understand how our mind works, we also can’t understand the world. We will try to fix, imitate, judge or be jealous of what is occurring in the world but each time we do that we are merely moving in a circular entanglement, trapped within a merry-go-round of repeated error – now you would understand why you are back to square one again in this dimension of existence; never left, never begun.

***

nothing comes out of nothing
for all things has its causes
arising as effects
manifested as experience
we call the NOW

the Now
merely a brief moment
yet constantly another now takes over
so seamlessly as if permanency is real
and experiences unbroken
yet behind it all
at all times
a mystery unknown
churning, accumulating
causes
that brings to us
a world of experience
of what we feel
be it from touch, see, smell, hear, or taste
not to mention
thoughts that keeps popping up in our minds

we see not what we are unknowingly creating
of intentions brief arising continuously
of which causes are created
leading out as experiences
that we hold onto so dearly
unbeknownst
what is more true
is our intent

and here barking at the wrong tree
all the time
we chase after the world
thinking it is “there”
that happiness is found
or running away from the world
thinking too it is “there”
unhappiness is found
yet
the real world is so near
yet so far
found within the mind

the creator of the world
“out there”

who to blame
what to blame
where to start
where to end
except the mind
the end of existence is seen.

I can have, but I don’t need, to have

What I am
is what I have
irrelevant whether I need it or not.

Need was never once in the equation
except a delusional meaning
of which when left unquestioned
becomes a burden for suffering to ensue.

As you can see
what you have is already here
irrelevant whether you need it or not
And what you don’t have
is also already here too
as your experience of not having.

How else can this be far from Truth
to be manipulated or fixed
except a senseless thought of need
a deception that cries misery
of untold sorrow and grief?

Your experience was never once
separated from you
for what you have is who you are
and what you don’t have is also who you are
how else can that be
each time as it unfolds
except an insane mind
wishing it otherwise?

Needing it otherwise
is merely a wishful thinking
a momentary madness
of wanting what is not in space
and not wanting what is in space
creating an imagination
that is only real to the beholder.

Do you not see
what is already here
is an experience of the mind
existing in the mind
of the mind
never once, beyond,
inseparable, undifferentiated?

You are defined
by your experience
and needing something
is defining an imagination
that is not met at this moment
a hunger of displeasure
that only makes you feel painful.

What then would you consider
to experience a having instead of a need
that it is merely a conjuring intent
of wishful thinking
having the thought as your experience
surrendering that if it ever happens
as a reality in the near future
it is exactly what you have
and if it does not happen
it is also exactly what you have too
for you can’t have more than
what you are
nor can you have less than
what you already are.

For they are all
defining perfectly
who you are!

Until you see your own limiting thoughts
of perceptions deeply rooted from the past
of ideas that makes what is unreal real
you will never see the prison
that you have set yourself upon
an unknown wall
barricading your freedom
that was not meant to be.

Recognize Need as your beginning of suffering
See Need as it arise
not as “I need”
but rather Need needing you to fulfil its need
distancing you from the reality of Truth
Look at Need into the eye
and say I am seeing you as you are
without needing Need to go away
for that only perpetuate Need to stay.

Just be awake
to Need’s presence
and you would have done nothing for it to leave.