Author: asitisnow

It is really unbelievable to come to a realization that nearly every moment, I am not accepting fully what is already here in my space. Let’s not even mention about unpleasant experiences as without any iota of doubt, who of a sane mind would want to stay even a second longer to experience what is of a discomfort. True, there are moments where we simply face what is already here for us; like for instance, a toothache, or a serious physical illness; but then again, even during those moments of agony while facing what is, there is deep resistance going on in the mind, having the hope that the pain will end. This is not acceptance, but rather tolerance with expectation going on with it.

It may sound strange to you if I were to say that even at the very peak of happiness, in moments of exhilarating joy, there is still no full acceptance of what is going on. Do hold a minute, if you beg to differ. You can only see this reality if you were to look into the mind in a very honest way else what is on the surface of your experience does not really tell you the truth. As someone pointed out to me lately, who on earth would like to interrupt the happiness he or she is experiencing and bring out the truth that may jeopardize the good experience? So ignorance is bliss, eh?

If you are a seeker of truth, and really wish to know how this mind works because of the numerous times it has played tricks on you, you would surely like to go to the bottom of the truth, and nothing else, but the truth. If you do not experience this truth going on in you, it can be logically explained as this truth has many a times, simply missed your attention.

Have you ever come across moments that whenever you are experiencing something joyful, there is this very need within you wishing that this feeling will last forever, if not at least a little longer? Even if this feeling does not come out as obvious as it would be, surely there are also thoughts that you already know that this feeling will end, probably soon? Or if both of these too are not what you get, what about experiences of wanting to hold on to that happy feeling? Even liking that feeling is already a show sign of holding on, of wanting more. Check out the next time you feel happy and I am sure any of those will become obvious to you.

Now you may ask what’s the big deal? So long as there is any of the above, you are not fully accepting what is already given to you in the present! There is a true case of a friend who feels very much afraid that her husband will leave her. Not that there is any issue or problem that is already in existence with their relationship as she is indeed experiencing the goodness of life with him, coupled with the blessings of having two beautiful children. But she sadly admitted that there is this lingering fear in the background that it will be a matter of time before she lose all these experiences. Hence in the midst of happiness, she is actually going through a nightmare!

Isn’t this strange? In fact, if you were to look into your mind, this is how the mind operates! It is constantly coming from the ignorance of lack. I read an interesting phrase in ACIM* that says: “Lack implies that you would be better off in a state somehow different from the one you are in.” How true! When you do not accept fully what is already here in your experience you are already implying that you would, in your mind, be better off without it, as the fear you are already having is showing that you are not fully embracing the experience! Lack and fear comes hand-in-hand together, sad to say. Fear implies that what is already here is not good enough, whatever the situation is.

The point to make is that acceptance is a rare asset. In fact in all forms of true acceptance, there is wisdom accompanying it. Obviously we lack in that, as by default, the mind runs on ignorance until we come to realize that. It will startle you to know that while in the midst of pain and if you were to bring in full acceptance to it, making sure that your attitude has no resistance in it, you will be blessed with the experience of non-pain! Try it out with itchiness and you will get what I mean, even if you were to experience it for just a brief moment before your habitual scratching catches up with you!
The beginning of spiritual maturity comes with acceptance, accepting what is.

*A Course in Miracles

The mind is a strange “thing” – in fact the strangest thing I can ever phantom if I was to compare with anything in my field of experience. Of course it is impossible to compare the mind to anything as “anything” is in fact a subset of the mind, for the mind is the mother of everything, at least in this illusional existence.

Multidimensional, multi facets, multi-whatever you may call it yet words cannot fully define completely the nature of this thing call the mind. The mind can be “seen”, felt, or experienced, from three aspects – total immersion, as an object and finally as simply, the mind.

In the beginning when you are not fully aware of the mind, everything that you experience seems to define an experience of separation – that you and others, or the world, is totally two different things all together. I am here and you are there – so I am always separated from you. Except for the body that seems to be with me all the time, never leaving me, which I refer as “my body”; anything out of this experience is simply not me. When I feel an emotion, say upset, I feel I am upset, instead of I feel upset. I can’t see this distinction in the beginning as I am totally immerse in the emotion, thus the mind. I am the mind, so to speak. Every expression I have about my own experience has a “my”, “me” and “I” attached to it. The mind and I is of no difference – that is what total immersion is all about – fully identified, absorbed in it.

Later when you begin to be more aware of the presence of the mind, which you can only be aware of its functions like feeling, thinking, imagining, remembering etc. – suddenly you’d start to feel that the mind is like something that is separate of you. You view it as an object, as a distinction between “me” as a subject. You no longer perceive mind experiences as “me”. In the past if you were to think, you will experience yourself as “I am thinking”. Soon upon watching the functions of mind long enough, you no longer see yourself thinking but merely as an observer to your thoughts. Still you’d have this lingering feeling as “my thoughts” though it is a little different than the former total immersion where identification with it was pretty real. It has a little sense of being free from it and although still within your experience. Over a period of observation through awareness, soon even feelings become an object – that feeling is been watched by you rather than you are feeling it. It feels like watching an exciting movie on screen – there are times you are totally immersed, forgetting that you are not part of the scene – and so long as you are unaware of it, you are totally drown in its storyline until you wake up from it and realize you are merely an observer to it, and not in it. This second level of experience of the mind is simply that – there is no longer identification with it as you become pretty aware of its functions.

But there are times you may forget and find yourself immerse in it again – that is natural and probably will happen many times so long as you are unaware, but the funny part is that when you are aware, the feeling you get is that you are totally out of it. So if you are immersed in anger, the anger will just totally disperse when you are awake to the fact that you have earlier immersed yourself in it. So your emotions will not be as prolonged as before. There is deeper sense of being free too, in this awareness.

Soon one day, after a long period of seeing the mind’s function again and again, it will dawn upon one that what she has been observing is the mind. Not “my mind” but simply mind’s work. Identification with the mind at this level starts to drop drastically and you will not get too pent up with experiences which you used to identify with in the past. For instance, if in the past experience of I am feeling lonely, at this level, I will experience loneliness as part of the mind’s nature rather than “I am lonely”. You will also start to realize that what is outside you is actually a projection of the mind, similarly with what is within; hence you no longer see any separation in anything that you experience. Any judgment of what is out there is actually ongoing in the mind. You will find that everything, so long as “you” are there, has to do with the mind – your experience. You will even get a glimpse that the label “I am this or that” is no longer as true anymore – that the mind has no “I” or “you” in it – the mind is simply an expression of experience, a bundle of views or ideas, and it does not defines you.

Interestingly it will come a time where you will not see the mind as you anymore. Who then are you? Let the mystery be yours to reveal! Until then, enjoy mastering this journey. All Masters have trodden through this path, a pathless one indeed, and soon will you too, at your own pace and time.

You see me not
yet you sense I am around
I am not here
I am not there
I am everywhere
Yet, I am not everywhere
Neither am I above
nor below
Inside
or outside
yet I am all
but none of these are true
except my ability to conjure them all.

Who am I?
what am I?
where am I?
it’s up to you to realize
so long as you have not
you will always find me, or you, a mystery.

You cry
you laugh
you feel
you think
whatever you name it
you are constantly
fed by me
drawn by me
survived by me;

and when you finally start
to get to know me
you will be surprised
how immerse I am in you
including “you”

In the beginning you will find it strange
for the first time without me
as naked as you can feel
and yet somehow freedom is what it is
but then again when you finally realized
it doesn’t matter anymore
for like a dream
you are awakened from me
heeding me no more
for I am simply the illusion,

I am the Mind.