Category: General

There is a difference when I say “mind your own business” and, “mind my own business”. Language wise, both statements seem to refer to two different subjects, but in reality they are the same. If I were to tell you to mind your own business, I am actually telling myself to mind my own business, and not yours. For whatever I tell you are actually what I am needed to hear, just that I am not aware of it at this moment.  If I tell you who I think you are, I am needed here/now to hear what that statement is expressing about me. Lots!

Each statement I project to the world is telling a lot about me, only if I were to choose to listen. In reality, any projection is what I am denying. If I tell that you are beautiful, I am already telling a lot about “myself”. More than that, I am saying it for myself to hear, not you.  If I am honest, observing this self, I will ask what is it that I need to hear about what I have just expressed. I can’t be honest to you except to myself.  When I am honest to myself, I am already honest to you. What I convey to the world is an effect of what is in my cause.  When I am honest with you, without considering my cause, I am only “honestly lying” to you.

My cause is my motivation. What am I being motivated to express a statement? Any statement is superficially shallow in comparison to the motivation behind it. I can be motivated by unworthiness, by personal motive, by ill-intent, by joy, by annoyance, by love, by guilt – it can be anything. No one need to know which motivation I am coming from, except myself. It is for me, and me, to recognize. And if I think I can ignore this motivation, I am just being blatantly dishonest about myself – but that does not matter too, as the cause will never leave me until I come into peace with it.

There are so much conversations and communications going on “out there” but they are all relatively empty in relation to the communication that is going on “in here”, the self. What is seemingly felt nice outside does not necessary be true inside. Understanding the self, the ego, I can’t trust any praises or comments coming from anyone else – not that I have problem of trusting, but rather I am aware that every sentence is not what I thought it is – there is so much more that is going on in that person self that I can never comprehend. They are only speaking from the space of their own motivation. It is for them to hear. For that I have to remind myself that every sentence that comes to me, has little meaning to me, except my own.

The “nice” compliments that I am so hungrily awaiting to receive, tells so much about me. And yet at the same time I also know that the compliment someone gives to me is not really for me to hear, but for himself to listen. I have been taught to see things either as good or bad, but isn’t it just a mere superficial judgment as what I see as good can be motivated by ill-intent, and what I perceived as bad can be motivated by wise intent. You may ask how can that be? Check your motivation and you will know what I mean. All my judgments are far from truth. I don’t and I can never know what motivation is coming from others, but I can know for sure what motivation is coming from my closet, only if I choose to investigate.

For that I can only mind my own business and I can’t even make any sentence that is detrimental to your well being – for that is exactly for me to hear instead of you. But if I am affected by others’ statements, be it pleasant or unpleasant experience, I can be sure there is something within me I am not acknowledging. Thus all quarrels or arguments are in vain, as there is nothing to dispute except ourselves.

Welcome to the real game!

Man In The Mirror

I’m Starting With The Man In The Mirror
I’m Asking Him To Change His Ways
And No Message Could Have Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
Take A Look At Yourself,
And Then Make A Change

– Michael Jackson

I was on the phone the other day with my friend who has just came back from a long holiday. She shared an intimate personal experience where she observed a strange dynamic occurring between herself and her partner. On days where her mood is down, the other seems to be on his jovial trip and there are days where she feels great, her partner seemingly goes into his down mood.

That sounds familiar to me as I have been observing this play of co-dependencies for years in my relationship with my partner too. More than that I observe there is also a egoic compulsion of bringing the other person down when I am down – the “lets merry together’ syndrome. The insane mind seldom rejoice in other’s wellbeing – it wants the other to suffer together.

That makes a different between a holy communion and an egoic communion. Egoic communion works on co-dependency, holy communion on inter-dependency. Egoic communion steps on each other boundaries, holy communion encourages and allow the other time and space for growth.

The ego see another as a separation and for that it repulse what it does not like to see and hold on to want it wants. Whereas the spirit sees everything as part of its own and thus to support it is to give itself the same. Imagine if I were to see you as a part of me, separated only by space and time, I would support you, for I am aware that if I don’t I am actually not supporting myself. The simile of the fingers would illustrate that. My partner recently shared with me how she realized her discomfort of her last finger is causing other fingers immobility in handling simple chores. When people around me are not supported by my wellbeing, I am incurring unnecessary dysfunction in my own process. We are all intertwine, unconsciously as a unit.

If everyone around my space is a part of me, each and everyone has his or her own role to play – and that dynamic makes the growth of the holy communion possible. There was a story in the Buddhist tradition that tells about an acrobat father who was holding an upright post with his son above, shouting to him to take care of each other so that the act will be performed well. And the wise kid replied back to his father that if each takes care of themselves well, everything will be taken care off. We can only support others by our action, not by intruding into what they are doing, and thus forgetting about ourselves.

Now, if the holy communion is actually myself, manifested in many roles, played by a different part of me, I allow each role to play its best, as I can only play well in what I know and that is what my role is. When I allow the space for others to be who they are and to take full responsibility of all my biasness and shortcomings without specifically targeting on anyone else I am contributing generously to the communion, which is ultimately for me. More than that I am allowing the other part of me to heal itself through the roles they play, when space and time are generously given.

On another perspective, I am not just supporting myself but also supporting and giving a freer way to the spirit to work through me as it assist me in releasing whatever blockages or misinterpretation I have about the world. That is what sangha community and holy communion is all about. There are mere labels to serve its purpose – namely, to undo the ego for one to experience the Truth.

*MMOB – Mind My Own Business

Spiritual relationship is not for the purpose of holding each other together, but rather as a mean or tool for us to come to our beloved. Our beloved is not about someone “out there” we loved but rather Love itself that is hidden from us by the falseness of the ego.

Spiritual relationship acts as a support to our journey. It brings up in us what we need to unveil, to transcend. Unlike worldly relationships, spiritual relationship is interdependent – uplifting each other rather than pulling each other down. Any relationship can be turned to a holy or spiritual relationship. We need not seek far or wait for one to come. What is already in our space will be our spiritual lesson.

We need not be binded by marriage papers to come into a spiritual relationship. We need not define a certain boundaries for our spiritual work to commence. Wherever we are, we are already in it, only when we are ready to transform all egoic patterns into lessons of the spirit. It is never about the future when conditions are permitting. It will never be, so long as the present Now is not what I am willing to face.

Relationship is not about someone or something.  It is about my respond to the world. When I react instead of respond, my egoic relationship comes into place. When I take responsibility, to mean ability to respond, I am already allowing spiritual relationship to take place.

Spiritual relationship may not necessary be a smooth lovey dovey journey. In the midst of arguments, conflicts, disagreements or even fights, a moment of conscious stepping back with wisdom can be a very powerful choice of respond that is in alignment with your spiritual calling. It is innate in all of us. But seldom do we listen to that.

“Many are called but few are chosen” should be, “All are called but few choose to listen.” Therefore, they do not choose right. The “chosen ones” are merely those who choose right sooner. Right minds can do this now, and they will find rest unto their souls.

– A Course in Miracle  pp44.

The spirit is awaiting my presence, patiently. My work is just to bring presence to it, by getting out of my way. I have to fully recognize that I am conditioned to come from wrong mindedness, which is the egoic pattern of existence. I have to take full responsibility of this pattern as I patiently and lovingly work with it by recognizing and understanding its presence in my life. Other than that it is not my job to remove it or try fixing it. I fully trust that when I am allowing what is to take place, I am giving myself up to something greater than me to unfold. I may call it dharma, holy spirit or whatever label I am used to, but when it comes to my fullest being, what I gain is an insight, a wisdom to the mechanics of this whole dynamism, irrespective of what label I put in.

The more I work with confidence, the more I see the potential of freedom and peace that is not found within this realm. I am the creator of all my bondage and also ultimately, freedom, and for that I choose consciously to incline myself towards what is conducive to the highest good. As I come into this space I am also bringing my highest good to the world. And so it is.