Category: General

It is in the non-specialness is specialness found. Anything that is special is merely a facade of “what’s in for me” – a lie the ego tells to entice me to seek further. My egoistic specialness is usually found in my focusing on the future, an effect that may or may not exist. My attention is always on the destination, never or seldom, in the present – the very journey itself that finally arrive me to the destination. The destination is a lie. What is more real to my own experience in the now is the journey itself. Each specialness I give to the destination makes me missed the mark that I am supposed to experience at this moment.

Instead of seeing the beauty of what my partner is, irrelevant whether she is in her good mood or not, I am always portraying that she should not be this or that. I am creating specialness in her instead of seeing nature unfolding in front of me.

To face what is in front of me, no matter how trivial it may seems, is the unseen doorway to my inner gate of freedom. The little, little, understanding of each facing, of each unfolding is the specialness. To look elsewhere for specialness is missing the mark of what is already here for me.

I have specialness in relationship, specialness in achievements, specialness in financial targets, specialness in material gains – all these specialness have not reaped any fruit in the past except enticing me to have more and more, an addictive behaviour, detrimental to my inner beingness. Each arrival  of specialness is short lived – it makes me lost the glory of acquirement and thirst me into seeking further.

Can I see specialness in each moment – that each moment is a wonderful creation of all unseen forces of causes that finally arrived me here in the now, albeit a momentary experience. Each moment is telling me a full story of the conditioning that I have unconsciously created. To be at the moment is to be at the beginning of my creation. Without being in the moment, gathering the data of each differences, I will never know how I arrived at my own conclusion which I always abhored, seeking further and more. I never like what I created, simply because I am always never in the now and thus the future that finally arrived is a creation of my own moment to moment ignorance of what I am supposed to witness. I am consistently in this cyclic of delusion, ferrying me deeper into yet another level of delusion, a web that is so difficult to disentangle.

For that, my presence in the now is much of importance if I wish to create a future that is of my highest happiness and freedom. What is in the now is already an effect of the cause of what I created in the past. Getting angry and upset over what is in front of me makes no sense – whether it is a news I am reading, a person that seemingly is confronting me, or a pity I take upon someone’s suffering – they are all telling me about me – how my judgment is about my own creation that I have unconsciously intended in my cause – the mind that is wittingly playing out what I am intending.

All intention is my creation and thus the Buddha said – volition is karma. When I don’t have wisdom I will be killed by ignorance – chasing for things that is totally irrelevant to my purpose here.

And this is what I loved about the statement made by Yeshua, repeatedly mentioned in this blog:

J said, “If you bring forth what is within you, what you have will save you. If you do not have that within you, what you do not have within you will kill you.”

May I see myself safely home….

An untrained mind is inclined towards craving, the incessant wanting and not wanting. Whenever I am not mindful, not aware of the now, the nature of the mind is always about the past or future. And each thought about the past and future has either expectations or guilt in it. When I think about something pleasant in the past, there is an expectation for it to occur again. When it is about an unpleasant thought, the mind either expect the unpleasantness to be get rid off or guilt takes over me. As for the future, the mind expect pleasant experience to occur and may even worry for the unexpected to happen.

Each craving or expectation depletes the mind, wasting unnecessary energy that can be conserved for better use. Thus thinking unnecessary eats up my mental energy, making me restless and lethargic. Furthermore when my expectation is not met, which normally is the case, upset ensues. Each anger depletes me further. Anger blocks the energy flow in the body and creates further dis-ease. Each dis-ease affect the healthy growth of cells in the body. Imagine the harm I do to myself when I am unaware, unmindful – the wastage of energy and the creation of toxic waste in the body.

Whenever I am upset, the verbal expression is always harmful and excessive. I tend to verbalize my anger more and probably louder. There is unnecessary wastage in my expression. I tend to breathe unnaturally, holding my breath, disallowing a good flow of air coming into my body. The more I tense the more I disallow the natural flow of energy – leading to long term damage and wastage of the body system. Similarly, whenever there is desire or expectation, there is a potential overuse of energy to pursue my needs, not to mention overeating and food wastage.

I observed that whenever I am unmindful, I tend to turn the water faucet more than needed, wasting water unnecessarily. Environmental pollution has a lot to do with heedlessness or unawareness. I am directly responsible for what is happening around me. It can be a tissue paper I used, or forgetfulness to close the fridge properly – all leading towards wastage and non-conservation.

If I wish to see a better world, I have to start taking stock of my craving, my forgetfulness of being present to my desire and resistance. To help the world is to destroy the world, to help myself is to save the world. So long as I am reluctant to see my own shortcomings, my overused and wastage, I am condoning the death of mother earth, even though in form I am seemingly supporting environmental work.

Peace in the world comes from me, not through advocation or provocation. There is no peace so long as I am not at peace with myself. There is only enemy simply because I am against myself. Everything starts from me and ends in me. To forgive the world is to forgive myself. To forgive myself is also to forgive the world. Both comes in pair. Each moment of unforgiveness is a grudge I made upon myself, an endless revenge of myself until I come into peace with it. All acts of unforgiveness is a waste of time, of energy, of mental peace and freedom that is within my reach, each moment.

Desire and the Importance of Failing

…
A window opens.
A curtain pulls back.

The lamp of lovers connect,
not at their ceramic bases,
but in their lightedness.

No lover wants union with the Beloved
without the Beloved also wanting the lover.

Love makes the lover weak,
while the Beloved gets strong.

Lightning from here strikes there.
When you begin to love God, God
is loving you. A clapping sound
does not come from one hand.

A thirsty man calls out, ‘Delicious water,
where are you?’ while the water moans,
‘Where is the water drinker?’

The thirst in our souls is the attraction
put out by the Water itself.

We belong to It,
and It to us.

God’s wisdom made us lovers of one another.
In fact, all the particles of the world
are in love and looking for lovers.

Pieces of straw tremble
in the presence of amber.

We tremble like iron filings
welcoming the magnet.

Whatever that Presence gives us
we take in. Earth signs feed.
Water signs wash and freshen.
Air signs clear the atmosphere.
Fire signs jiggle the skillet,
so we cook without getting burnt.

And the Holy Spirit helps with everything,
like a young man trying to support a family.
We, like the man’s young wife, stay home,
taking care of the house, nursing the children.

Spirit and matter work together like this,
in a division of labor.

Sweethearts kiss and taste the delight
before they slip into bed and mate.

The desire of each lover is
that the work of the other be perfected.
By this man-and-woman cooperation,
the world gets preserved.
Generation occurs.

Roses and blue arghawan flowers flower.
Night and day meet in a mutual hug.

So different, but they do love each other,
the day and the night, like family.

And without their mutual alternation
we would have no energy.

Every part of the cosmos is draws toward its mate.
The ground keeps talking to the body,
saying, ‘Come back! It’s better for you
down here where you came from.’

The streamwater calls to the moisture in the body.
The fiery aether whispers to the body’s heat,
‘I am your origin. Come with me.’
Seventy-two diseases are caused
by the various elements pulling inside the body.
Disease comes, and the organs
fall out of harmony.

We’re like four different birds,
that each had one leg tied in
with the other birds.

A flopping bouguet of birds!
Death releases the binding, and they fly off,
but before that, their pulling is our pain.

Consider how the soul must be,
in the midst of these tensions,
feeling its own exalted pull.

My longing is more profound.
The birds want sweet green herbs
and the water running by.

I want the infinite! I want wisdom.
These birds want orchards and meadows
and vines with fruit on them.

I want a vast expansion.
They want profit and security
of having enough food.

Remember what the soul wants,
because in that, eternity
is wanting our souls!

Which is the meaning of the text,
They love That, and That loves them.

If I keep on explaining this,
the Mathnawi will run to eighty volumes!

The gist is: whatever anyone seeks,
that is seeking the seeker.

No matter if its animal,
or vegetable, or mineral.

Every bit of the universe
is filled with wanting,
and whatever any bit wants,
wants the wanter!

This subject must dissolve again.

Back to Sadri Jahan and the uneducated peasant
who loved him, so that gradually Sadri Jahan
loved the lowly man. But who really
attracted who, whoom, Huuuu?

Don’t be presumptuous and say one or the other.
Close your lips. The mystery of loving
is God’s sweetest secret.

Keep it. Bury it. Leave it here
where I leave it, drawn as I am
by the pull of the Puller
to something else.

You know how it is. Sometimes
we plan a trip to one place,
but something takes us to another.

When a horse is being broken, the trainer
pulls it in many different directions,
so the horse will come to know
what it is to be ridden.

The most beautiful and alert horse is one
completely attuned to the rider.

God fixes a passionate desire in you,
and then disappoints you.
God does that a hundred times!

God breaks the wings of one intention
and then gives you another,
cuts the rope of contriving,
so you’ll remember your dependence.

But sometimes your plans work out!
You feel fulfilled and in control.

That’s because, if you were always failing,
you might give up. But remember,
it is by failures that lovers
stay aware of how they are loved.

Failure is the key
to the kingdom within.

Your prayer should be, “Break the legs
of what I want to happen. Humiliate
my desire. Eat me like candy.
It’s spring and finally
I have no will.”

–  Mevlana Jalaluddin Rumi (Mathnawi, III, 4391 – 4472)

From ‘Feeling the Shoulder of the Lion’
Translated by Coleman Barks