Category: General

Nothing comes to me or for me, except life is unfolding itself – an experience of me.

Do I ever say the mind comes to me? No, I don’t. I take it for granted that “I am” experiencing – I don’t even have a moment of thought that the mind is out from me or in me, neither is it coming for me nor to me. These statements are totally non-existence, non-questioned, irrelevant to me. I simply experience what I am already experiencing, for I have never seen it separated. If I say the mind is for me or to me, I will have an impression that the mind is separated from me. If that is so, I may even choose to reject or accept it, since it is not me. But I don’t. I can’t. I don’t even have that question in the first place, for the experience is simply unfolding me. I and the experiences are not divided. I am the experience.

But what occurs when I am sick? Do I see the sickness as a separation from me, that it is coming to me? That it is not a part of me? If I were to see it that way, I would have resisted the sickness as I am not that. But if I were not to question the sickness but rather an unfoldment of life itself, unfolding me, then the sickness is not a problem. But simply an experience of me.

The news in the papers. The agony, humor and joy of those news. Do I get angry with what I read? Do I feel happy with what I read? Both seems to give me an impression that the news is coming to me, separated from me. Can I tune myself to see it not as out there coming to or for me in here, but rather an experience unfolding, of me. When there is no out there, there is simply no in here too, except experiences unfolding – me. Then I don’t get it personal – for it is simply an unfoldment of me – experiencing. The news is me.

The nitty-gritty complaints of my parents.  Is it out there coming to me that I am, in here, feeling  so uncomfortable? Or both seemingly existence of in here or out there does not actually exist except life unfolding itself, which is me – just like the mind which I don’t even questioned, experiencing all the time. Could it be the  wanting and not wanting the experiences that projects out the meaning of inside and outside me? If I don’t see it separated from me, how then can I reject or held on to it? Totally irrelevant.

Everything I am experiencing, the experience itself, be it a sickness, a meeting of friends, a flu, a career I am working on, an argument I am experiencing, the floor I am standing on, the parents I am facing, my wife’s comments, my joy and grief, the unfairness of the world, the anger of pollution, the dirty feeling of my defecation, the  someone dumping rubbish on my doorstep – everything is not out there or in here but unfoldment of me.

Go along in life and explore this new way of seeing things – all experiences is of me, not for me or to me.  You will be amazed by what comes out from this space. There is no need for acceptance to come into place for it is of me! Just pure variation of experiences.

How would I react if I wake up one morning, awakened to the realization that the so-called reality I am in here is in fact, a reality show – playing at real time all the while? Have you ever watched a reality show, where every chosen entry and the challenges they confront are all for real, except that it is done for entertainment purposes? The life I am in now – am I being watched … by me? Am I in the show or am I merely a sole observer, being entertained by the show – my dream?

You see, I can only know I was dreaming after awakened from the dream, not in the dream itself. While in the dream everything is real. I eat, walk, talk and even argue – exact activities as I am here. Probably I am breathing in the dream too, or even experiencing sleeping. And when I am being triggered by anything, I can be angry too. I did not exclaim “eh, it is just a dream – why do I take it so real?” Could it be that everyone and everything in my dream is me – since there is no other observing it except myself, the dreamer. So, is the dream, me? That everything in it, is me?

Yet there is two me – myself as the dreamer and my presence in the dream – which am I? There is no one sharing my dream, I am alone watching it and yet participating in it. If I am a dreamer of the dream – a creator of the dream, so to speak – surely everything in it is a part of me, including the ground I stood, the people I meet, the air I breathe, the places I am in – everything from the minutest to the obvious – is me! Could it be my very own projection that makes the whole entire dream so real? Could it be there is actually nothing there in the dream which I call real at that moment of time, except my perception projecting and playing it all out for me to experience – like my day dreaming over somewhere else and yet was just a thought I am experiencing. Am I alone?

What if this Now, the so-called reality, can be a dream too – just that I have not awoken from here yet? That the “me” here, typing out these words,  is only a bundle of ideas replaying itself here in this dream, that everything I experienced, including this article I am writing is a part of a projection? The chair I am sitting, the computer I am looking at, the feel of the room, the disorganized table, the light in the room, the morning, the night, the you, the everything – is me, a dreamer of this dream?

Probably the “me” here is not exactly me except a part of the projection of the mind’s conjuring, fabricating out the whole entire reality? The so-called you and others around me are merely a figment of the mind’s perception, replaying out as a dream which I am not awoken to it yet? Who is the dreamer, by the way, or is there any? I can’t know unless and until there is an awakening experience of some sort, like me waking up from my dream sleep.

So what is real here? Could it be unreal? How would I know except to speculate until I come to experience it myself, the awakening. Until then I look for clues in this reality to investigate whether this is a dream or not. One thing is for sure – when I am not aware, I am liken to dreaming. When I am aware, I am out from the dream state. If this whole entire setup is truly a dream, it means I am dreaming in a bigger dream! What a bizarre thought!

I am here and yet I am not here!

All my actions are random, and I can’t truly know I am giving a perfected giving, except what I am giving is perfectly fine. As and until I am sure my giving is perfected, I have to content that the result that I am experiencing is random too. The world is my perfect reflection, showing me what I am.

What is a perfected giving? A giving that is unreasonable. All my giving is with a reason. I give because I think you need it. I give because there something I am benefiting from. I give because I am told. I don’t really, truly give, except give-because. My giving is conditional. Can I give unconditionally? I don’t really know. What I really know is my giving is giving-because. If I recognize my giving is conditional, I am sure there is also such a thing as unconditional giving, just that I am not there as yet. If I am not able to recognize my conditional giving is conditional and think I am giving unconditionally, there is no possibility for me to experience what true unconditional giving is all about.

Irrelevant whether I give or not, I am continuously giving. I am giving my views, giving my ideas, giving my best, giving all the time, even though I am not giving materially. But in truth I can’t give materially unless it belongs to me. I can only give something that is in my possession. “My possession” is what I think it is – not what it is. I don’t owned anything unless I believe I owned it. Belief is just an idea and what I truly owned is just that – it has not gone beyond belief. “My material” is just a fabrication, a contortion of the mind. I can’t give away “my” material as I don’t own them in the first place.  I can’t, even if I wish. If I think I can, I am simply delusional.

Ideas never left its source – Yeshua

Thus, whenever I give materially, I am, in truth, giving up my possession – my possessiveness that is occuring in the mind – not what is there physically. The physical act is simply a symbolic act of my releasing to what I am holding on to.

Each time I lie, consciously or unconsciously, I am already ignoring the Truth that is here for me. How then do I expect to see the Truth even though the Truth is right in front of me? There is nothing blocking the Truth – not that I am special than you or you are than me that we are uniquely chosen to be given the Truth. Truth can’t be given. Truth is not a sole proprietor belonging to me or you, or to anyone else for that matter. Truth is. Truth is here, awaiting my arrival, as and when I start to do my housekeeping of what I am ignoring, which I may not even be aware I am already ignoring. That’s the beauty of delusion.

Whose delusion? My own ignorance. Not seeing things as they truly are.

And back to giving – nothing ever left me – what churns out from me each moment are only ideas. Giving too is also an act of an idea. Thus the more I “give” the more I have the idea that I am receiving, for each idea of giving is always accompanied by the idea of receiving – everything comes in pair, due to its duality nature – it can never be otherwise. And thus each receiving is also an act of giving.