Knowing and not knowing is tricky indeed.
I can only know what I know, and
Do not know what I do not know.
When I know that I do not know,
It is already Wisdom half-won
Hence knowing is not nothing.
Not knowing that I do not know is dangerous
As that is where judgments come to be.
When I make an assumption,
It is from a mind that does not know that it does not know;
But due to its limiting view, thinks it knows
Yet knowing itself may not be wisdom-owned
For ignorance also knows –
Except from a deluded point of view.
Sayadaw Tejaniya is a precious gem of a teacher indeed. He constantly shows me the distinction between the nature of wisdom and the nature of ignorance. He leaves no stone unturned to answer questions that I thought I already knew the answers to – his replies always bring me to acknowledge that the mind is in the state of “I do not know that I do not know”.
These words he said to me changed the way I perceived meditation, “Forget about meditating. Simply check whether you are having the right attitude towards what you are experiencing – that (in itself) is meditation.” At that time, I couldn’t understand what he meant; it was only years later did I grasp the full meaning that wrong view leads to wrong meditation and right view to right meditation. The invitation to check my attitude is for me to figure out whether the mind is having the Right View or Wrong View; in other words, to comprehend if the knowing mind is motivated by wisdom or ignorance.
It is true indeed; how much wisdom can arise from meditation tainted by a Wrong View? This realization shocked me because I had thought that I understood Meditation fully; after all, I did have 30 years of meditation experience before I met him.
Sayadaw’s presence in my life has caused me to redefine the meaning and purpose of meditation. His razor-sharp clarity fine-tunes my thinking where I err and brings me to new levels of understanding. For this, I am deeply thankful.
I once asked Sayadaw if it were possible for me to experience the level of wisdom he possesses, if I had not met him in this lifetime. His wise reply? It all depends on the kind of parami (perfection) each individual has cultivated in the mind – some have the wisdom to discern on their own and others need guidance from a teacher.
His answer reminded me of the Buddha’s experience. The Buddha is unique in that he was aware that there was a lot he had yet to understand, despite his teachers’ confirmation that he has learned everything there was to know. Yet the Bodhisatta, as he was called prior to his Enlightenment, somehow knew that there was something else that He has yet to realize. And this knowing was what caused him to continue searching till He found the Ultimate Truth. Not many of us have this capacity to even recognize that we do not know it all.
Sayadaw Tejaniya is exceptional in that he has the wisdom to know that he does not know fully yet. Sayadaw has brought me to realize that the missing ingredient in my meditative effort is to consistently know that the mind does not know; instead of being in the state of not even knowing that it does not know.
For it is in the knowing of not knowing that meditation truly begins.
The Unspoken Meaninglessness
Don’t go back to sleep.
Wake up.
Wake up to what truly is.
It is an exciting time for awakening
where realization comes easily
where past and future has no actual meanings
other than mere storyline arising in the Now.
as each story continues with a sequel
Storylines upon storylines
stacking up the Now
making what in origin eternity
now a glamor story of beginning and end
yet the end is still not truly ended
whence then can there be a real end?
Continuation is not eternity
as it has past to determine it
and future meanings to hold it tight.
thus beginning and end is but an illusion
played up by perception of memory flood
making each story a juicy fluid
and each experience a meaningful dream
of which there are times nightmare too.
Yet meaning or no meaning are still “meanings”
locked within the time bubble of falseness
away, totally forgotten, the “meaninglessness”
meaninglessness to you portray doom and helplessness
Yet that is not what it means
Except a meaning put by you.
Consider a time—if ever “time” does ever exist
No one object has a meaning
Until an idea of a meaning springs into mind
Now no longer a object but simply meaning
Even that what is “an object”?
Except another meaning to That?
What then is “That”?
“That” is “What” – do you not see how meaning work?
Thus shut-up, keep still
Be silence and stop all doing
Only then what is beyond “meaning” emerges
Unfolding for you to realize
What true meaninglessness is –
“Meaningful”!
Is There Really “Life”?
Have you ever noticed that your experience can never be in the past or future except in the now? More accurately will be – have you ever realized that the past and future cannot be experienced?
I invite you to consider a little exploration with me. Do take notice of your seeing, smelling, touching, tasting or even hearing. They are the doorways to your “experience” for each moment; whichever doorway you are giving attention to – that is where your experience is. (The meaning “experience” is where attention is given to it.) Hence when you are attending to seeing and not giving attention to the touch, say your legs in contact with the ground, your experience for that moment is merely seeing and not the legs touching the ground. Yet, are you fully aware that the seeing can only happen in the now, not even a split second in the past or future? Do you notice you can’t “see” future or past except constantly now. Even your ability to see movement – which is a combination of the so-called past and the now is not actually seeing per se but rather memory+seeing at this now. Without perception at work in recalling each moment, your seeing “now” has no meaning of movement except what it sees now. In other words, if one’s memory does not function at all, 100% unworkable, one will be transported into a dimension of total forgetfulness – not truly forgetful as the meaning of forgetfulness does not even arise since there is no past for him to “forget”, not to mention remember.
Similarly if one has no ability to imagine, to mean the function of perceiving the future, one will be in a limbo of simply now all the time, without the future or past haunting him. Hmm… wonder what will it be like? Past or future is simply the work of perception – an imaginary experience that is constantly occurring in the Now. You have never left the now, nor will you be escaping from the now, at all. Can you? Even when you are asleep and dreaming, the experience is constantly now, in whatever experience you are in, albeit merely a dream unbeknownst to you until you wake up from it. Even that is memory working when you realize it was just a dream. Bizarre isn’t it? Now don’t try to think I am a weirdo to figure out this concept as it is not something that you can think about except to realize. And to substantiate my realization, even quantum physics does have proof that the world “out there” does not truly exist – strangely, it was found there is no “out there” except a projection of the mind! If it is merely a projection, where then is realness of past and future, except the now? But wait a minute, if past and future is imaginary, what then about “Now”, you may question?
Is “now” too imaginary? I will leave this to your own realization – if “now” is so-called “middle” of both past and future – where will there be middle if there are no both ends to substantiate it? So is there a “now” without both ends of past and future coming into equation since they are all but imagination of perception in the now? Happy realizing!