Illusion to Reality

He began his journey thinking that Desire has to be killed
Irrelevant whether it is material, food, money, sex or relationship
Only to find out bitterly that nothing can be removed
Except to be understood.

Then he went all out to stop himself from being Angry
Being drummed repeatedly that Anger is a serious sin
Only to find out later that suppression only increases Anger
And the way out is through recognizing his expectations.

And Judgment is wrong, he was told
Making him judge himself more each time they arise
Only to realize later that the problem is not Judgment itself
But the views he had been holding on in his system.

Jealousy? Oh boy, what a shame
Being jealous is not appreciating who you are
That was what he was well informed
As he struggled daily to put appreciation before jealousy
Only to find himself overwhelmed by it.

Strangely he was told that Guilt is good
For that is the way repeating of mistakes can be curbed
He welcomed guilt into his house
As he stayed in shame of the past and fear of the future.

What a painful mess he got himself into since then
As he struggles every day to fight and slay the devils and dragons
That seems never ending coming his way
Religion was well-intended, or so he thought
Buying into ideas that he never questioned
Swaying from one end of self-reliance to a savior who can remove his sin.
Constantly he shops, looking out for new skills to kill his inner demons.

And thus he follows blindly what the masses feeds him
Not once did he question the rational of those practices
Ignorantly accepting everything that comes on to his plate
From hierarchical respect to you-should-not-question authority disease.

Stop! O Friend
Put down all shields, swords and arrows
As well as bombs and ammunitions
And come to your senses!
Stop putting up a fine and dandy suite
Having knowledge, priding a follower of sorts
You stalk in conflict
Between lofty qualities with inner demons.

What if the Master’s word is not what you intended
What if the Master’s word has all being misconstrued
And ignorance has gotten the best out of you
Misperceiving entirely what the Master has said?

Wake up! Wake up!
Come to senses!
Welcome wisdom to fold
Probe intelligently the mess you’ve got yourself into.
Stop answering and seeking
Instead train to observe silently
Observing with stillness what arises within.

Move out of your way
End all fixings
End all doings
End all meanings
End all answerings
And allow Be-ing into fold
Let Truth unravel itself
Showing you what is going on in the Mind.

Yesterday morning a heavy downpour interrupted my plan for a walk up in Mont Kiara. Nevertheless we went ahead after Lai Fun suggested that we could walk anyway, with an umbrella – indeed a brilliant idea. Unlike the huge crowd that usually throne to this hill on weekends, today’s scene was deserted with only a handful of people making their journey. On my way up the slope I met two friends – an unassuming encounter which embarrassed me.

The first friend whom I met during my walk was one who stays much further away from the park compared to my very own distance to the park. She took the effort to walk despite raining cats and dogs, with an umbrella. It was refreshing to see such initiative and yet, at the same time, I could not help hearing the familiar chattering mind in my head commenting about the excuses I gave for not walking this morning due to the rain. It was a self-admonishment of sort – judgments and punishments.

A kilometer further from where I had my first encounter, my second friend called out my name. I reciprocated by expressing my wonderment of his commitment to his regular weekend walk despite the rain. His reply indeed surprised me and made me seriously pause and ponder – “rain is part of nature unfolding so why would it deter me from walking?” It woke me up from my own unawakened state. I saw the rain as an obstacle – which in reality was simply an excuse, by giving my power away, of what I am not willing to be responsible for – an attitude of complacency.

There are two interesting lessons here for the mind. That in every situation, there is always an opportunity for awakening, provided that I encourage self-inquiry to what I am experiencing. The first encounter triggered my unworthiness – an opportunity for me to reclaim power from the meaning I gave to myself. Embarrassment and guilt. Was it true? What was it that unraveled in me? Was it necessary? What ideas was I having at the background of the mind that was fertile for such negative thoughts to arise? Why am I subscribing to those thoughts? There are much room for observation to what arrived at the mindscape when I allowed myself space to stay mindful and alert throughout the entire processes. It is so much easier to be aware when I am alone, more so in the midst of nature. It is this reason that I forgo having friends around during my walk so that I could listening silently to what comes up in my mind.

The second encounter triggered wisdom in me – that I have forgotten to see everything as nature, instead of threat. How easily it is to fall prey to the old patterns of conditioning where we expect the world to subscribe to our needs first before we embark on journeys that are essential to our well-being and growth. Behind the façade of these excuses are habits of procrastination, of not seeing priority in wellness. Many a times I too hear comments expressing that meditation is a luxury “hobby” and can only be afforded after one retires from worldly gain. Obviously those who made such comments have misunderstood what meditation is. But what is more true is that we trade peace for security. Ironically there is no security when there is no peace. We see worldly gains, instead of a healthy mind, as a passport to a safer and secure life.

Rarely are we being taught that peace is found within instead of without and that wisdom when developed is the cause of our security rather than the possessions which in truth, make us more insecure and vulnerable, instead of safe and free.

The journey is personal and my choice is wisdom over anything else.