Illusion to Reality

Ideas rule the world. So long as there is a mind, it is subjected to ideas. All thoughts and perceptions are conditioned by ideas, resulting and reinforcing future ideas. If the beginning ideas are wrong-mindedness, what follows are wrong in all aspects, until right-mindedness intervenes, correcting the erroneous views. Wrong-mindedness leads to dis-ease, right-mindedness leads to freedom and peace.

There is no possibility of non-idea, as that itself too is an idea. When I say I don’t have any idea, I am to mean my idea of that time is not coherent with what is at that moment. My existence is based on ideas. And as I observed my ideas closely, I am amused by the predictable events that come with it. For instant, the experience I had when I opened the car boot after my usual morning walk. I have this idea that the car boot is unclean. This unclean idea makes me feel uneasy when people are passing by the car, worrying how they will judge me. When I have the idea that it is unclean, I am already seeing it as wrong. And each wrong will be balanced by the right – it should be cleaned, it should not be seen, it should not happened. Now the mind is in conflict, fighting between having it cleaned and embarrassed by the uncleanness. Well, to resolve this conflict I just have to clean the car. Is that true? If it is true, then I will no longer be bothered by the issue of uncleanliness in the future – but it does not work that way, as I will have to keep cleaning it so as to put uncleanliness at bay. Is there any difference between this and the former? The only difference is that I like cleanliness and dislike uncleanliness. Both are targeting at the same object, not seeing that my idea is the culprit that makes me do this and that – never at peace with myself. It is an addiction. An addiction of doing and doing. My unaware interpretation begins the drama of my storyline.

I may not realize what I am experiencing as uneasiness, as I am continuously addicted to rectifying what I think should and should not be. I should keep the house clean, I should not be complacent, I should do something, I should not rest, I should see my parents, I should not do these or do that. And my should goes further than just me – you should not have dirtied the place, you should apologize, you should have drive carefully, you should mixed with friends, you should, you should. you should. The should is occurring within me, not what is truly out there. I bought in an idea and that idea conflicts me. If my idea comes from right-mindedness I can be sure there wont be any conflict or dis-ease.

Throughout the day there are amazingly countless of ideas interacting and bridging me with the world. The world too brings in ideas that may influence my ideas, either strenghtening or weakening what I am already in. If I am not open to inquiries, what I accept will matches my own ideas. Whatever that is detrimental to my ideas will be automatically rejected.

Ideas too are subjected to the check and balance principle. Each wrong idea has the potential for right idea to spring forth. The way of right idea arising is by the triggers that I get from wrong-mindedness. It is a calling for the correction of an error. I may or may not listen to that call. But it is ok. The more I ignore, the more I will face the trigger until I take time to inquire. Thus nature is benevolent. Each trigger is a rectification of an error. It is by no means a punishment but a benevolent act of Nature bringing me back to peace.

It has the balance of ying and yang in Tao. When I am too ying, I will be attracted to yang and viceversa. When I attack, I am subjected to defense. When I defense, I am subjected to attack. They are interplay of duality, occurring every moment. Am I in-charge? No. I am been pulled by the forces of Nature. My control only seems to make Nature is going against me. In truth it is me that is against Nature.

Everything in existence has its own check and balance processes – a natural law that governs everything that exist, from the micro to the macro level, including the universe itself. It is like an in-build mechanism found in everything – whether be it tangible or intangible, animate or inanimate – all has the inherent nature to arise and cease by itself, moment after moment. Conditioned by its ceasing, it arises again. Conditioned by the arising, it ceases again, in continuum. This conditional principle is spread unconditionally throughout existence – not one is spared from it.

There is no wrongness in this movement of processes, neither is there possibility of things going wrong – for everything, from the minutest level, is taken care of in itself, moment after moment, in perfect harmony. How could it ever go wrong when anything that comes into existence perishes immediately? There is no chance for it to move further into any conflict or entanglement other than to cease instantaneously. If ever there is an entanglement, it will only be a perceived entanglement occurring between ego towards nature. Even the mind is subjected to perish – how else could it be possible for it to be entangled? The misconception of what things really are from the viewpoint of ego is the cause of the illusion of entanglement. What is ego? Misperception.

On a wider perspective, these conditioned states are what we called Nature – they are the natural workings of existence. Conditioned states are unconditional by nature as it goes beyond all forms, without any exception. It is like implying that the only permanence is impermanent itself. When I am in the space of stillness, of beingness, of surrendering – all not exempted from change itself – the flow of this nature is experienced – the natural state of change, of impermanence, occuring at all levels, including awareness itself. These phenomenon of change can be directly experience as something that is devoid of self, of doing. It is not something I can hold on to, as holding on itself is subjected to change too. Thus in existence there is not a permanent entity that can be called the same at any moment. Observing and understanding this nature is wisdom at work – a kind of experiential realization.

Do “I” really exist? Yes and no. Not as a permanent entity, but as Nature – subjected to the conditioning of arising and perishing, moment after moment. Consciousness, perceptions, feelings or mental formations, perish as it arise, and conditioned by perish, it arise again.

Like a dream, I cannot say it does not exist, neither is it in existence. Only when I do not understand and realized the principle behind these experiences that I took it personal – and from that arises the misperception of control; of holding on and resistance – all springing from the ignorance of this nature. That is where delusion works.

“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.” is a line from the 1939 film Gone with the Wind starring Clark Gable and Vivien Leigh. It was spoken by Gable, as Rhett Butler, in his last words to Scarlett O’Hara.

I probably would not use such a profanity statement in my vocabulary, but if I have ever said “I don’t care” I can be sure that statement evolves around a convoluted expression of what is truly in my mind – I don’t give a damn. I am just not being real.

Whatever it is, can I don’t care? Can I don’t give a damn? I can’t not don’t care unless I do not know its existence. I can’t not say I don’t care about the world, as I need to know its existence before I can not-to-care. The moment I know about its existence it has already entered my space, so to speak. How can I not-to-care?

When I said I do not want to see you anymore, can I? You have never left me, though physically you did. I carry the anger towards you and thus I can’t not care, simply because that don’t care is stuck in my mind. The more I do something to get rid of it, the more it hangs on to me – the good news is that it cannot be get rid of. Like a boa constrictor, the more I resist the more I get strangled by it. Each time my anger increases, I am holding on to you more. But it is the other way round, my dear – my holding on to you is the cause of my anger. Arrrggh…. ! I may even resort to harming you in an unwise way. If I did, I would have got it all wrong. It is my anger that I am not seeing. It is my holding on to you that I have mistakenly see you as wrong. If I harm you I would have harmed an innocent being. I am actually harming myself. You did what you have just did and that is perfectly what it is. It is only my reasoning that I think what you did is wrong. And what has my reasoning got to do with you? My reasoning created my pain. How can you be responsible for it? When I held on to you, I am holding on to my sorrow.

Talking of holding on, when I love you I am also holding on to you. When I don’t love you, I am also doing the same. My attention is always 100% on you. What a delusion. Is there truly love in it? Can I caused you pain? Or can I cause others pain, except myself? The more I see myself, the more I see how ridiculous and comical the mind can be.

What I am running away from, I am exactly doing what the dog tries to do – chasing after its tail, not realizing the tail is its own. Whatever I don’t care, I am already caring it, unconsciously until I wake up to it.

The world has never left me. If I think an earthquake is a problem, the problem is me. There is no problem in earthquake, neither is there problem in death. As Byron Katie puts it aptly – whenever there is a problem I am always there. Nothing can escape my mind, unless I am oblivious to it. But the irony is this – whether I am oblivious or not, it has never left me as the world is me. Just like I will never know whether I will get jealous or not, until someone comes along. The jealousy is not caused by someone out there but rather a latent state awaiting its arising which I am holding on to. So when I am oblivious to what is, it does not mean that I am totally vulnerable to it.

The mind has no walls, neither are there windows. The mind is totally open to picking up everything that comes through the sense doors. There is no filtering, neither is there censorship. What changes is how I response to it. Since I can’t beat it, let me have peace with it.