Illusion to Reality

I, the goldfish, amidst my friends, live happily each day, enjoying every moment of our time. One day I started to notice that the “one” that feeds me food is not like me – not in the sense of appearance, as shapes are obvious to me by observing the friends that comes and goes around me. This “one” that feeds me seems to be in touch with the ground wherever he goes – whereas I don’t. I need not be at the bottom all the time but yet this “one” seems to have the need to fix himself to the ground. Hmm.. I start to realize I am floating and he is not.  That keeps me wondering why. I checked out with my friends and they too starts to see the obvious. Some are interested and some are not. Some just brushed me aside. Some are intrigued but did not go further than that. Me, being me, become curious and wanted to know why. The “one” out there seems oblivious to my calling, no matter how hard I tried. Is he deaf?

I looked around me and find that everything is familiar. Suddenly it strikes me that I have never gone further than where I am in. What I saw afar is only as close as I can see but not there. Strange, I never thought of this before. I wondered why. As I move around I find that I have never left where I am though I thought I am around the space where I can see. There seems to be some kind of boundary that separates me from what is around me “out there” What is it that I do not know?

I become frantic and start moving around more and more and out of a sudden I realized that there is a space between where I float and above me. I took a peep out and felt that I am out of breath. Weird, why is it so, I wondered again. A few trying convinced me that I am in some kind of material that helps me to float, and out there, there is none. So I am actually being supported by this material rather than thinking that I am floating. I am getting more curious. Why am I being supported by this material?  What is this material than I am dependent on?  And what material is this that I can’t see but only knows when I felt the contrast without it.

I investigate further and came to a conclusion that the material that supports me and the space out there can only be found above me but not around. There seems to be some kind of separation between where I am and what is out there. Could it be I am contained by this material? If that is so, am I in some kind of a space, never gotten out of it – am I trapped? Is there something that I am not knowing? What is it like to live without this material around me?

. . .

I am that goldfish. The water is the mind. And the glass that separates me is the delusion that separates me from the world. In the beginning of time, the one million dollar question of who am I does not arise in me. I live each day oblivious to this thing call “mind”. I have never known what is the mind, except to experience its function like feelings, thinking, etc. Like the goldfish, it will never know what is water until it gets out of it. Breathe is the same too. I never know I am breathing in air except breathing alone until I am told about it. In the beginning I never question what the mind is except being with it. Only later do I realized that the mind is another.

Have you ever seen a dragonfly trying its best to fly out of the glass window? Or a bird looking puzzled why it could not get out to the “other side” – the trees that is outside the house, separated by the the glass window. Consider that the goldfish is not aware that it is in the glass bowl, separated from us. The fish may not know that there is such a thing call water, neither does it know that there is no water surrounding outside the bowl. More importantly it does not know that it is separated by this thing call glass. To the goldfish vision, what it sees is what the world is all about. If I put the goldfish in a small room, it see the room as the entire world – nothing beyond that. Worst, it is not even aware that it is in the glass bowl looking out – as wherever it swims it only sees the room but not the glass. Metaphorically, it is in the room but yet it is not, except in the glass bowl. Who cares? That is the conspiracy of delusion.

I thought I am with the world. But in truth I am with the mind. I have never left the mind. I am playing out all my actions with the mind. I have never, never, touches the world. The mind touches me.

Until one day I am being told to be aware of myself, I start to observe what the mind is. I have never left the mind. Only when I am aware can I notice the mind. Without awareness there is only one – me.

When I am unaware of the mind, I am one with myself. When I am aware, the situation becomes two – me and the mind. And when I am able to be aware of myself and the mind, there are three. Each situation allows me to look at the world differently.

Once I get to know the mind well, I begin to see the nature of delusion – the goldfish need to know the existence of water first before it knows the bowl that contains it.

Delusion is not an option. Delusion separates me from the world. When delusion is realized, Truth reveals. In truth, delusion does not exist. It exist because of the mind. There is no need for the bowl if not for the water. There is no need for the water if not for the fish.

The mind has no need to exist when “I” ends – not only at death, but in the Now.

Answers or realizations comes a calling when I open up to inquiry. It may not be immediate, it may not be later, but that is none of my doing. My “doing” in the Now is to remember to be here, in the now, so as to facilitate observation instead of allowing the mind to be idle in status quo, taking everything that comes its way for granted.

And that needs proactive attitude in me – to see things afresh and anew. Not just giving attention on the objects but also keep guarding myself from falling into the complacency attitude. I learn to be ahead of time, so to speak, to keep recognizing what has just arisen in me. Am I judgmental? Am I concluding? Am I wanting? As I observed, I don’t make them wrong – I use them as an opportunity to understand their nature – how they arise and why they arise. The more I observe in this way, the more I will recognize a consistent pattern in all of them, thus understanding the mechanics of the mind work.

I observe the play of conditioning in each pattern – the cause and effect of it. Recognizing this, the wise part of me chooses what is to my highest good – the good that brings about peace, love and freedom. I don’t choose them – wisdom chooses. My job is just to keep recognizing the unwholesome attitude that is detrimental to my wholeness. My job is just to inquire openly through observation.

Ignorance chooses too but out of a perceived idea of the past – hence judgment and conclusion. I am on guard to recognize whether wisdom or ignorance is present. I may not be able recognize both in the beginning and my tool is only to bring in more information from those whom have gone through this pathway. With those background information as my tools, I watch for any pattern of resistance or holding on to what is. I have to be authentic with myself. Authenticity reveals the truth that may not be sightly to me, from years of ignorance, but I trust that there is always an opportunity of transforming what I experienced to understanding. I just need to bear witness without stepping into the process of unfoldment.  The more I observe the more I see the causal relationships of mind states – how each states are conditioned by what I intent. This insight is the beginning of seeing light at the end of the tunnel.

Creating new pathways become easier once I know what is detrimental to my peace, love and freedom. Before that can come into my space, I open up myself to inquiry, appreciating each moment of awareness and inquisitiveness to what I am observing in life. I am on my inward journey home.

Just as ego has many disguise or relatives, wisdom too has its own retinue of wholesome states. The most basic wisdom is common sense. And yet common sense is not that common these days. Not that we are dumb, but conditions are such that it does not encourage us to ponder or to reflect whenever a situation were to arise. It is the pondering and the know-how to resolve a situation that brought about common sense. It is an irony that the more advance the world is, the more ignorant we become.

Open inquiry is the basis for the arising of wisdom. If I were to read a phrase and it strikes me that the author is trying to convey a message, I will ponder upon it. I will not give a presumptuous answer to it and do my level best to understand which angle the author may be coming from. My ability to ponder is already an indication that I am opening up to inquiry. And if I don’t get any satisfactory answer from whatever knowledge I already have, I will leave that statement aside without brushing it off as unimportant. A day will come when another point of view from another writer may strikes me to revisit what I have read or probably what I have shallowly understood at that point of time. This revisiting may be something automatic that is occurring in the mind, without me needing to try remembering the connection of both. How can this happen? It is because I have directed the mind to put the meaning aside first, allowing the mind to match my future data. In other words, I am putting the mind on call, instead of a presumptuous judgement or idea that kills the possibility of a future understanding to arrive. I can’t force wisdom to arise except to plant the condition in the mind for it to take its course.

The mind is simply a tool for growing wisdom. If unattended it will remain status quo and thus ignorance sets in. It is the nature of the mind to hold on to where it is. Clinging to what is is the basic instinct of the mind – simply because perception in the past determines what is in the now. If I don’t bring up an openness to inquire, I am simply living an old ideas. The mind only works when it is directed. As such an untrained mind can achieve nothing. What kind of training? Worldly training is one, spiritual training is another. In spiritual training, the key purpose is to understand oneself better and to develop qualities of mind that brings about peace, love and freedom.

In the meditative factors of enlightenment there are seven in number commencing with awareness as its foundation. To be able to open to inquiry, I am invited to be fully present to what is without resisting or holding on to my own personal views or ideas. Only then can I look at what is in a new perspective and inquisitiveness. Thus inquiry or investigative nature, is second after awareness. When inquiry is introduced to the mind, my past understanding will naturally look through its data bank to match its own understanding with what is. That is effort in action. I don’t give what I inquire an answer. I allow understanding to do its work – searching for clues and information of that inquiry. When there is the natural effortless effort of inquiry, joy arises due to inquisitiveness. And the joy propels deeper observation that has stillness in it. In the stillness there is wise attention to what is being observed – simply bearing witness without trangression of any sort to the nature of what is. Stillness culminates in concentration – the ability to prolong the observatory state. And concentration leads to equanimity to things as they really are – being impartial to what is.

In daily living the seven factors take on a different form. They are the basis of wisdom. There is presence to what I am in. In the midst of presence, I inquire what I am not understanding. Inquiry leads me deeper in searching for the truth. There is keeness in it. As I reflect keenly on what I am inquiring, inner silence arise in me. Inner silence brings about attentiveness and in that attentiveness there is impartiality to what I am reflecting – not making any conclusion out of what I am not understanding. In that space, when I am out of my own way of reasoning and concluding, understanding unfolds naturally. Answers in the form of realization, are always in hand, only when I do not interfere nature with my own conclusions.

The above factors are merely information to show that when I begin the journey of wisdom, the relatives of wisdom follow suit. My job is just to initiate wisdom – through open inquiry. 

Not because of wanting realization I put myself in the pursuit of inquiries. But because of inquiry, realization comes to me. Inquiry facilitates wisdom. Wanting leads to ignorance.