I have issues with accusations, and I used to find myself having difficulty containing my composure each time I am being targeted. When I enter into the journey of self-understanding the nature of the mind, through the introspective practice of awareness, I resolved to take time to work with this meaning that I am always vulnerable too.
While in the process of self-awareness, I found out that I too unconsciously accuse others for what they have or have not done. What I realized was that I do not have the wisdom as yet to recognize the actual situation of that moment and instead judge and make hasty conclusions on what I perceived. I am buying into my thoughts, so to speak, believing everything I think as true. This first revelation makes me understand others as myself too – not having the wisdom to discern.
Over time a new perspective emerges in me – I saw that each meaning of accusation I give to the world, is a self-accusation I give to myself. What can be a better way to camouflage my shortcomings then to project it out to the world. The more authentic I am, the more I see that I am trying to fix the world of as is. Why am I agitated by Nature? Am I not accepting something within me? Am I deceiving myself again? If I am truly confident of myself, what are then comments to me? As I probe deeper with openness into my own shadows, I experienced a vivid childhood event whereby I was been “innocently” accused by my mum, or that is what I thought it is at that point of time. Did my mum purposely accuses me or is it my own interpretation that she is accusing me? Could it be that I am holding on to my view as right and that she is wrong. Have I given myself a chance to understand her? My interpretation of her accusing me is actual my own judgment. As I judged others, so am I judged.
The more I start to observe my ideas the more I start to get real with it – I find that many a times my judgment are all derived from my old ideas. Each judgment has prior ideas to it and each new judgment reaffirms that old idea. I start to realize how I create stress in myself by making ideas real. Instead of trying to analyze the content of each idea I proceed to seeing ideas as simply ideas – a mental construct of the mind, a fabrication.
Recently I observed that I am able to overcome my accusation issues much more speedier then before, as I see that it is just my own idea I put into the issue that makes accusation real to me. I recognized that I can’t remove or change the construct of ideas except to be mindful and recognizing them as it is – that the idea is not me, except an old conditioning of ignorance. By that understanding alone ideas naturally removed themselves, as I no longer give power to the meaning. On another perspective, I also start to understand that whatever other speaks, they are speaking from their own ideas too that they are not mindful of. There is no possibility I could see them as wrong once I understood that if I am unmindful of my ideas, I too will act the same.
As I understand myself I understand the world. Instead of judgment, compassion naturally unfolds.