Illusion to Reality

Who am I?
How would I know?

Where do I come from?
Can I know?

Where will I be led to?
Can I be certain?

These questions
burning in one
leads one to seek
and hence begins his spiritual journey.

It does not come when there is no reason for it
and when it comes, there is no stopping or turning back from it.
And how one takes on the journey
depends much on his own wisdom
without which one will be lead to and fro
meaninglessly, confused and astray
longer than necessary for the realization to arise

But then again does he have a choice
if wisdom is not at hand
Guiding him?

What yardstick can he look for
What guidance can he trust
What measure can he take
To make sure his journey is one of surety
And not in vain?

That too has to do with his wisdom
for without wisdom
any yardstick can be misinterpreted
any guidance can be overlook
any measure can be misevaluated
and hence making what is near to be far.

So, ye, my dear truth seeker
Seek not anything but wisdom
As wisdom leads to further wisdom
to the other shore
so difficult to cross.

In the practice of Insight Meditation, where one will finally be led to know about himself through his own initiative; as the name of the meditation implies; an important criteria to the success of this practice is inquiry. Obviously to know oneself is to mean realized and for realization to arise, the prerequisite is understanding, for it is understanding that makes a person realize. And understanding can only come into the picture with observation. And for observation to take place one obviously has to inquire. Thus inquiry is the beginning and wisdom is its end. Between both are aspects and effects of inquiry that finally leads to realization.

Inquiry is twofold. Firstly, to motivate or to direct the mind to observe, and second, to recognize the play of causal relationship that leads to understanding. In the beginning of the practice, the initiate is encouraged to pose questions to the mind, so that it sparks the mind to seek. For simple reasons the mind is constantly taking things for granted and rarely seeks for understanding unless it becomes a necessity, as a problem to solve. Who am I is a mystery and hence to solve the mystery I have to start the journey of inquiring, unless that question is not a priority to me at this juncture.

The beginning purpose of inquiry is to jump start the mind to look for the solution to the mystery. And that is all its purpose, for a start. It is important to remember that the sole purpose of inquiry is not to get an answer, but rather to invoke curiosity as to lead one to the final answer. To seek the answer is to jump the gun of the process and doing so impedes the natural unfolding of realization. Even if ever there is an answer to it, it is merely just another information but not a realization.

And through a little perseverance on the part of the practitioner, the inquiring with its questions directed at the mind, one opens up a new horizon of understanding that one may not have seen before.  More than that, one starts to observe the connection between the object of observation and the corresponding reaction of the subject – that there is a correlation between the subject and the object. In brief, how the world is perceived has much to do with the perceiver. Through long observation, without interrupting what is already going on in the process, one starts to recognize and understand the workings of the mind, its cause and effect. He starts to realize how his suffering and happiness has much to do with the way he operates the mind.

It is at this period that his inquiry takes on a new level – it is no longer about invoking inquisitiveness or curiosity, for by then he would already have the interest to understand further the mechanics of how his mind works and how the effects he is experiencing has much to do with the causes he has been creating unconsciously. Naturally his inquiry comes to the level of seeing the causal relationship of his experiences and he starts to undo what is unnecessary for his wellbeing. He starts to assimilate a conscious living through the wisdom he has acquired and continuously abandon the unconscious state of mind that he was before. He becomes more aware or mindful so to speak, and that leads him further into undoing what binds him before which now offers him freedom. In this way his life moves towards the direction of greater freedom, in comparison to bondage that he was unaware of before.

This is a brief idea how Insight Meditation can lead one to understand himself or herself better and ultimately realize the meaning of existence – the “I”.

Forget about being serious or trying to put in extra effort to get somewhere or even anything. We have been already too serious in life that makes a fool out of us. Fool in the sense of developing our ego more than annihilating it. Of course there is nothing wrong to that, except it is not who we really are. We are just too serious in relationships, hurting ourselves many a times. Too serious in our outlook too and have taken too much unnecessary time and effort just to look good for others to see – it takes less effort and much relief to let go of that mask. And just too serious in what we should or should not do, making us more stagnant than growing wiser.

There is much attention given to things that are not beneficial to our innate well-being, in terms of our spiritual needs. Instead, much is given to feed the ego, our false self. And when we finally take the step to embark on the journey of spirituality, we unknowingly bring along that unconscious need of strengthening the ego instead of transcending it. Spiritual egoism is not uncommon among practitioners of faith.

Meditation is the opposite of seriousness. Not that we are called to take the practice likely, but on the contrary, we are called to take notice of the seriousness of growing our ego unconsciously. Wanting to get something out of the practice is already an egoistic purpose. Trying to achieve something other than what is already perfectly here in our space is already resistance to what is – another camouflage of the ego. So meditation is not about doing or not doing anything but rather non-doing, a practice that request from us nothing more than simply getting out of our own way. And it can be a difficult practice to work on, considering that we have already always intruding ourselves in our lives, practically in anything we lay our hands on, even during times when we thought we are not involved in it.

Non-doing calls forth in us to sit back, literally speaking, and observe the incessant wanting and not wanting pattern that is going on in the mind. It can be pretty uncomfortable not to succumb to it the first time we learn to watch it. Worst, in the beginning, we may not even know or aware that we are already into it, though we think we are not. With a little persistence, without putting any extra effort to overcome or to beat it, but simply to surrender to the addiction, we come to recognize a space of freedom and peace where we are no longer a victim of the ego, but instead a master to the mind.

The journey is a lifetime, and more often than not, lifetimes, and the practice is not something that you can eagerly complete and call it a day. Much patience is needed. Much wisdom, unspoken. Compassion is a necessity. And importantly, not forgetting not to forget to be aware each time the mind goes back to its old pattern of seeking – to stop, applying non-doing and allowing that dance to die itself naturally.

Each moment is required a mindful living, as each moment is where the ego dwells. Only then can we see light at the end of the tunnel, the journey home.