What Love Is

Not that I don’t love you
or I don’t want to love you
but I just can’t love you
but that again does not mean
I don’t love you
or I don’t want to love you.

all I can only say is that
it is impossible to love you
not to mention loving myself
for there is, in reality
no such a thing
except an idea
of the mind
that there
is a you and me.

What occurs in truth
is the mind, simply nature,
doing its function
consciousness, knows
feeling, feels
perception, perceives
mental formation, forms
without you or me
having a role in it.

Like glasses causing crisp vision
and not me having crisp vision
or ear aids causing clear hearing
and not me having clear hearing
similarly seeing already occurring
without me needing to see
or hearing already occurring
without me needing to hear
I am not at all there
for all to happen.

And thus
how can I say
“I” love you
when love already exists
without me
in the very first place
not to mention
love “you”
love alone.

Love is just a phenomenon
just a state
without you or me
except an experience
and not even that
for if there is experience
surely there is an experiencer
there it goes again the arising of “you” and “me”.

Probably the closest word
is contact
or relate
and the whole meaning of
“experience” appear
hence arising the feeling of love
instead, in actuality, love.

So what I can only say
except to let you know
that love is already here
as and when nothing abstruse it
from arising
without having you or me in it
and hence simply love
instead of I love you
or you love me
which sounds
rather funny
and strange
not to mention an error.

Surely then love
be unconditional
for it is not you or me
or anyone else for that matter
but love itself

What a beauty!
what a joy!

A Lone Journey

If I were to say
the path is pretty simple
you would not have believed me.

If I were to say
the path is indeed difficult
you would not have understood me too.

For who knows what is your level
of understanding
except my sheer ignorance in
thinking that I know you better
than you know yourself.

Who am I to say what is good for you
save you know for yourself
even if you are not yet in the position
of knowing for yourself
there is no absolute certainty
that I can tell you what is appropriate for you.

Hence it is indeed a mission impossible
to come to a right teaching
for an appropriate mind
that can bring one directly to freedom

as a pin in the haystack
searching but not finding
indeed sorrowful the path of deliverance it can be

and yet nothing is loss
as where there is willingness
and deep conviction
the master will come
when the student is ready

thus be open to receiving
what is already in hand
as anything can be a learning tool
so long as you are ready to look at it
from a beginner’s mind
freed from judgments and reservations.

Feelings Glued Experiences

Just found out something interesting with this thing call feelings. It brings out what seems separate into one, thus making a person identify with what he or she is experiencing. It has the nature of making thoughts real. It has the similar effect of making what is 2D into 3D experience. It gives flavour to the experience. It makes the experience exaggerated and hence magnifies its meaning as if the object becomes a part of the experiencer.

Whether it is pleasant or unpleasant feelings, the experience will feel glued to the object it is experiencing. If I love someone, the feeling I get is that the other person seems to have a deep connection with me and I will like that feeling to stay on, making me one with it. Of course nothing actually occurs on the other side – even if there is, that experience is his or hers, and has never crossed her border over to mine. It is all happening in my field and since that person has come into my sense of pleasure, I have taken for granted that this person is mine, irrelevant whether I take the initiative to approach or not to approach that person. It has already infused as an idea in my mind. Hence I will find it difficult forgetting the person and if it becomes a discomfort to bear, I will take the next step of bringing the person closer into my fold, by scheming my way to it. And if I am an introvert, I will have to bear with the suffering of not taking the initiative to approach. In both ways, there is already an incepted fusion of idea in the mind, that the person is “for me”.

On the same note, if I dislike a person, making my feeling unpleasant, I have no doubt, brought what seems to be two into one – like trying to separate two objects glued together. No matter how hard I try getting the person out from my mind, I will find it difficult, if not impossible, as that is the nature of unpleasant feelings. It is because I have already made him or her as an incepted idea in my mind that I will have difficulty removing it. Again nothing actually occurs out there, except what is really happening in the mind of the beholder. That is why it has been said there is no such a thing called enemy, except the meaning of enemy found within those who think about it.

In truth pleasant or unpleasant feelings are experiences based on our ideas about the world, rather than the world itself. We are attached to our ideas rather than the world, be it a person or a thing. I can’t love anyone, except loving the idea of the person for his character or whatever. And I can’t hate anyone except hating the idea, found in me, of that person. Hence I am playing my own game all the time. No wonder the experience seems to be glued, as it has never left me! Darned!

Hence can I really love anyone? Yes, only at the mind level where I take my brother and sister as one, seeing them as not separate from me. This non-separation is a realization compared to the imitation version of what feelings seems to do when it merges two into one. One is a realization and understanding, whereas the other, an illusion of form.

I Dream

I dream of coming home
where I will no longer be played by the past
or the future
not even the present.

I dream of coming home
where love is not what I think it is
where acceptance is no longer a question
where wisdom is all I am.

I dream of coming home
where mirror has no reflection
where opposites does not exist
where duality unheard.

I dream of coming home
where you and me is no more an error
where right and wrong never were
where separation is impossible.

I dream
that I am no longer dreaming
and that what is real is simply unreal
and what is unreal simply inexistence
for what lies
is simply… minusing “I dream”.

A Molten Pot of Delusion

It is indeed inconceivable to the extent what the mind can achieve – a molten pot of amazing and ridiculous ideas and views. It is of no wonders without wisdom, seeing an end to it is rather impossible. As I sat one day in meditation, observing how it jives with itself with whatever ideas that came out in the present moment, it became a little more obvious to me how powerful what the force of the mind can do. At that moment the mind likens to me a metaphor of a huge unimaginable unit of data bank, accepting and rejecting whatever idea that meets its criteria, depending on whatever belief system it had previously stored in it.

With such immense combinations and permutations of views accumulated life after life, it is of little wonder how we can’t get out from our fixated ideas that easily, save with wisdom. I was sharing a book A Thousand Names for Joy by Byron Katie with a fellow practitioner which I felt would have been helpful to him in his practice as it had been for me in tremendously disentangling a certain way I look at my ideas. The feedback I got a few days later was not encouraging, which was surprisingly to me as just a little over a year ago, another practitioner expressed profusely with thanks how amazing this particular book was to him and how it has helped him open up to his practice in new ways he has never seen before. It is indeed interesting to observe the difference between perceptions working.

A book, or for that matter, any teachings, can be seen from the perspective of a thousand ways through the lenses of our convoluted ideas and views, though in simplicity, what is required is merely a simple way that needs no complexity and difficulty to perceive. I remember reading another book by Jed McKenna who mentioned about how simple the Truth is and yet it is indeed boggling how the mind can’t get around seeing it at all until it gets it. Obviously the web of delusion can be so dense, that it is in-penetratable until a wise teaching which resonates with the mind comes along in undoing it. Such is the ignorance of the mind.

No one knows and no one can really tell, which or what teachings can be a corrective and appropriate tool for him or her in undoing the mind considering that in such dense delusion, a gradual awakening is necessary. As such, no one tool can be said useful all the way, depending on which level the person is in. At a certain given time, devotional practices can be necessary; at another time, effort; and yet at some given time, wisdom. Hence to judge one’s practice to another can be sheer ignorance as we can never tell where the person is, not to mention ours.

Hence to be mindful of ourselves, on how the mind works, without making a quick conclusion about it, helps us to develop a little more compassion towards our kindred spirits who have come together to practise towards the path of total emancipation.

Strange Clinging On

It is rather strange how the mind works, or rather how this world is governed by opposites. Not that the opposites are two different things occurring at a different moment, but rather, they are actually the same thing, occurring simultaneously, at the same moment, except only one can be experienced at one time. In other words, both are simply the same thing seen from different perspective, as in the phrase opposite sides of the same coin.

If I like someone, I am already disliking the person at the same time. Insane isn’t it? You may hold in disbelief how this can be true until you probe further how the mechanics of the mind works. By nature everything is in constant change, irrelevant the things we see seem not to change, like any object that is within our sight. At the molecular level, everything is changing ceaselessly but since our sight does not have the capability, or rather has not been trained to see at that speed, everything seems to exist in permanency.

Not just the objects of the world is changing, even the mind is changing quicker than we can ever perceive. Imagine the fickleness in our choices or the change of mind in our decisions – they are tell-tales signs how fluctuating the mind is. Look for anything in the world that is permanent and what you get is impermanence. That impermanence is the only permanence, except changing all the time.

Now if this is truly your understanding, not a kind of whimsy thinking, but an actual realization, you will likely find something pretty strange, as there is no such thing such as “like”; as “to like” already implies there is something permanent there for you to hold on to, and that permanency may mean briefly to you. It will be easier to understand through the model of subject and object principle. If both object and subject is changing all the time, like the spokes of a moving wheel in tangent with the ground it is constantly touching, where can there be a possibility of one moment of time where a point of the wheel is in constant touch with the same position of the ground, unless the wheel is not moving, which cannot be the case, since everything is changing ceaselessly. Clinging on to an experience, is hence an illusion.

Now here lies the irony – we don’t need to hold on to anything if we knew things are not going to change. For instance, do you need to hold on to your breath, if you already know air is constantly in supply for you to breathe? It is because we realize the nature of change that we want to hold on to it! Isn’t it strange? It is like we are not accepting what we already know and we try as hard as we can to hold on to it, as if trying to proof nature is wrong. Kind of insane, isn’t it?

Hence when I like you, somewhere deep inside, I dislike you for not being able for me to hold on to you. Of course, ultimately there is really nothing out there that we get in contact with, except all playing up in our mind. How strange!

So don’t be surprised, behind special love, there is already special hate – just nature working its way out to balance the equation of illusion!

The Self Transgressed

What is Nature?

Nature is not
the trees
or the forest
or the rivers
or the wind
but the natural occurrences
existing in them.

Do you not see
the trees have their own way of existence
and also the forest
and the rivers
and the wind?

What about then the earth
the planets
the solar systems
and the universe?

Surely nature too is taking place
in each
placing order
in their existence.

If the entire system
has its own way of working
surely nature is playing out
in every animal
in insects
in plants
and also minerals.

And do you too not consider
that this “I”
which refers to a personality
is also part of nature
running its own sets of conditioning?

The heart beating
blood circulating
kidney functioning
every organ running in perfect harmony
and cells and tissues replacing
do “you” have a say in it?
or simply nature taking place?

Observe your mind
and surely you will come to realize.

Nature too is taking place in you
for you can’t choose to be happy
as and when you wish
or choose not to be angry
or not to be sleepy

Forget about control
forget about chasing those emotions
for it only enhances the self
making nature seems redundant
as you are only going against the force
which will surely catch up with you
the very moment you transgress.

listen to the flow deeply
in your very own views
and you will find how nature
is moulding you
from who you were
to who you are
and who you will be.

Look at the patterns of the forces
and you will learn
each result has its own set of causes
as that is how Nature works
and as you apply the causes
hence each result follows.

Only then will you live in freedom
conforming to the Nature of the world
without transgressing the world
with the Self transgressed.