The Undescribable Borderless Head Office

Hello, you there!
Yes, I am referring to you as the “reader” reading these words
already understanding what is here
all done in good times whether
you want it or not
like it or not.

Do you know “you” is been watched at
at all times
not that “someone” is spying on you
or “I” am here talking about you
but rather
all this field of experience
including the “you” reading and understanding
is been watched upon?

Who watch, you ask?
I don’t know, for there is “no one” watching at “you”
but simply a sense of watch
even that is untrue
probably Awaked will be the closer word
but again what are words?!
Neither can you even call it a name
for all names are all now been “watched” at.

You asked, is it God?
I would say no for even that is being watched at, now.
Is it Presence?
Maybe, and maybe not for
it surpasses all that.
Is it … errr…. Omnipresence?
a little closer but not it yet.

All I know for sure
you and me are redundant
when “watched” is being experience
not that “I” am now the watcher
but simply… watching

no “I”, what to mention “watcher”…

Haunted by the Now


You think you were mindless
as mindless it could get
And you think you were rarely present
whatever meaning present means to you
as the mind yo-yos and pendulums
from past and future
to and from
except the now

but wait a minute
are we haunting the past and the future
or the now is haunting us?
for what i think about the past
is now being experience
and what is in my imagination of the future
is also an experience of now
except of two different zone of time
called the NOW.

I am already always reliving the Now
like it or not
no matter how much I “disappear” from it
into my own la-la land of dreams
of absurd reality
of probably fears and elations
of unfathomable and nightmarish imagination
yet it has never left the Now
as all it is
is what I am experiencing
NOW

Is there a past, you ask me
I don’t know
what about the future
I dare not think
yet and yet
all these mindless
questions and answers
to each its own
is already occurring in the NOW
even if you call it mindless
to mean there is no mind to it
but yet they are all Mind experiences

Did I leave the Now?
Not once
Not in the near future
or in the past
but oops aren’t they all NOWs
gone into oblivion
rethought about it NOW?
Arrrggh….

NOW puts me into scene
forcing experience
what “I” is

NOW haunts me every moment
like it or not
until of a somehow
a strange magical moment
I awoke from it
to realize
it is all
the
MIND
together with its millions uncountable thoughts
including “me”, “I”, “you” and “we” meanings
pooof! disappears all along with it.

Awakened, Unblemished.
Unconditioned.

In the past unawake occupies Now, and Now awake is…

The Proof of the Pudding is in the Taste

The proof of the pudding is in the taste. Similarly, the proof of one’s own spiritual endearment is in the resilience of facing again and again what comes up in the mind experiences arising at each moment without giving in to reaction. It can be as minor as the desire to talk to someone, or the urge to react to a situation or as challenging as to come to terms with one’s own inner fear without being compel to do anything about it.

In the normal context of life whenever we are faced with such compelled situation, the immediate response would be to succumb to the mind’s need by reacting to it. In reality we seldom “face” what comes up in the mind as they arise. “Face” here to mean taking them on exactly as it arise without needing to do anything with it. It may sound ridiculous not to react as meanings of “necessary”, “important”, “no choice” or “what if” comes into picture immediately, but surprisingly, these meanings are merely facade of one thing that constantly plague the human mind. It is this one thing that makes the meaning of suffering real. Take a peep into mind the next time any experience comes up, and it need not necessary be any “big” situation. It can be as “normal” as the urge to take a peep at your smart phone. What is it that propels that movement? Look deeply and one will see that familiar “one thing” – the experience of unease. It is this uneasy feeling that propels movement of any sort.

Sit back and try facing this uneasy feeling. And you can be sure the experience is not pleasant. Lots of meanings stormed from this space and that is when one is compelled to “do” something as if it is necessary to settle what is needed to be done, which in reality is merely a coy of our unconscious movement of distracting ourselves from facing this unease.

The mastery of one’s spiritual endeavour is in the potential of staying impartial to this experience and let it come and go and see through it beyond what is there. It is kind of a peaceful warrior of confronting our deepest dis-ease and yet not succumbing to fixing it in the form of attack or defending but merely doing nothing, to be precise, non-doing.

It takes guts, courage, patience, determination and even love to sit through it with all the meanings of necessity comes pounding one after another, yet one is unperturbed by it. This art of non-reaction has non-interference as its attitude, acceptance as its result and groundedness as its base. It is like a piece of stone grounded solidly upon the earth with winds of high velocity blowing from all different directions. Come what may and yet one is unmoved by it. This stability and impartiality is what the Masters of ages have offered to each disciple to develop –the ultimate surrendering – not to any one or being, but to the inner balance of giving up the egoic needs and trust the flow that comes from the sacredness within of each. A very simple instruction but yet probably the one and most difficult experience to arrive at in the world. It is not something one can do except through persistent and consistent reminder of stepping back and witnessing the working of the mind.

When one finally arrives into this field, whatever movement a person makes is no longer dictated by want or do not want but simply a facilitation of flow of what is at that point of time. If in the past one is compelled to do any action out of guilt, fear or unease, now it will simply be movement of love of what is there to be done, without any iota of resistance as the world is now seen as one with itself.

Freedom Always Here in the Now

Most of us, if not all, would love to be free. In fact what we endeavor in life, like it or not, has its purpose of freedom as its end. We wish to earn more money so that we won’t be burdened by debts, meaning to be free. We want a relationship that allows support and also freedom to be who we are instead of being dictated. We want good health so that we won’t be bogged down by burden of immobility. We want a career that promises freedom of expression of our creativity and skills. Isn’t freedom what we are all seeking, albeit in different pathways and directions?

Yet many a times what we take on as a mission does not turn out to be what we envisioned. We start to feel trapped by what we are in. We feel bonded by whatever we thought in the beginning would seemingly give us freedom. In the midst of it, somehow, disillusion sets in. Probably we have been challenged to consider changing our directions, or maybe, fixing what is out there to fit into what we perceived as bondage. Whatever we do, we can be sure they are not resolutions to the equation that we have begun with.

Who on earth has been given lessons to be free except to find their own ways? Fortunately, there are teachings out there that can lead us to it yet many a times those teachings are pretty profound and illusive as they are merely symbols of symbols, many times misinterpreted when they finally reach our hands. By the time we work it out ourselves, what is left are the remaining years of god-knows-when number of days for us to enjoy that fleeting freedom that we have, hopefully, acquired. Even that many a times many still feel that freedom is still not it yet. What has gone wrong?

It is interesting how the entire game can be turned around by simply shifting our attitude towards the meaning of freedom.  Many a times, the word freedom is being defined by having the freewill to do what we like to do. In truth that meaning is already the beginning of bondage – for that is where we give limitations to what is either already in our space or what is coming to our space. We go against the nature of reality that what is in our space is not what we want – we want it otherwise by dictating that what we want is what should happen.  Well, as we all would have known by now, that can never happen – not in the past, not now and not even in the future. For our wants are merely from the direction of what we do not want – a tainted wish that is exactly what we are asking for and hence has to be experience as such repeatedly – not wanting, again and again.

The secret to freedom is this – what is here is already perfect as it is – resisting it merely creates the illusion of bondage for what is already here is in perfect freedom, freed from your should and should not. It is all in the mind, as the saying goes. Hence flowing with it merely reflects what is already here in process – freedom! Only by experiencing  the little moment of this kind of freedom can the ultimate Freedom be achieved, if ever there is such a thing! Isn’t it illogical to experience constant running hoping to ultimately find freedom at the end? Isn’t it more true by facing whatever bondage is freedom found? The meaning “facing” is not about confronting or having a showdown with what bothers us but rather acknowledging, and importantly, not interfering with what is, either through resisting or fixing it so that what is here is being given a voice to be known. Only then can you figure out and recognize the source from where it springs from.

Thus the next time when you feel triggered by resisting or moving away from a situation, consider turning around your attitude – instead of other’s need is not my need, how about trying the other way of – other’s need is indeed my need – what is it that I am not listening? I am not inviting doormats into your space but rather the world is merely reflecting me either directly or indirectly – what is outside merely points to me what and where I have erred. Surely there is a better way of resolution instead of continuously running away from it, interpreting the situation as burden or bondage. As a Tibetan saying goes – the more you run away from suffering, suffering will keep chasing after you :).

Presence Itself

I waited
you were not here for me
and when you waited
I was not aware of you
both missing each other’s presence
never once met.

and eventually when we finally meet
when you are present for me
and I am here for you
eye to eye, as close as it can get
mesmerized by what we both see and feel
yet in that very moment
you are only present to what is within your field of experience
never once to me,
similarly with my own experience too.

waiting for another thus has always been in vain
for nothing truly comes out of it
except probably betrayal and deceit
of what been expected never fulfilled.

yet if wait is to be experience at this moment
let one be wakeful to
the presence of what is already here
perfect as it is
irrelevant whether I am here for you or not
doing my own things
or looking into your eyes
in that brief stillness
a special bond arising
or “no-two” as you may call it
that is of full trust and surrendering.

in that sudden moment felt
the presence of the Beloved
has always been here for me
indefinable by distance
inseparable by bodies
but in union of “no-two”,
of Presence
permeating boundaries
of limited segregation
simply wonderful in experience.

not you, not me
but simply Presence.

Practise, Non-practise or simply Being?

In any journey of acquirement, whether it is manifestation of any kind or working towards achieving one’s goal in term of material or spiritual gains, there is always some kind of “practise” needed to arrive at the goal of what one wishes to experience. The word “practise” already implies making perfect or developing a certain skill for the sake of arriving at a target result which is usually somewhere in the near future, except now. The end result can never be in the now so long as the meaning of practise is still in progress. In other words, practise and result are two different things altogether. Hence each moment of perfecting the practise is a step closer to the goal, but the practise is not the goal itself.

Can you think of any path that does not involve “practise” and hence the result is constantly in the now? Yes, there is and it must only be one that has no acquirement at the end, to mean nothing to arrive at or nothing to gain in the near future, except end itself, in the here and now of each moment. What kind of journey would that be? It is the journey of dismantling the egoic framework, or undoing the self, sometimes also referred to as the pathway to enlightenment.

But, you may question, is it not practise that finally lead us there? Strictly speaking, there is in reality no “practise” involves as enlightenment is not a kind of place or something that one will “arrive” at. It is not a goal of some kind or an achievement of some sort as there is in truth nothing to achieve, nothing to gain. That is why it is sometimes referred to as relinquishment or undoing, for a better word.

The word “sati” in Pali, to mean “not forgetting”, or “recall” if I am allowed to redefine it, is the most appropriate and closest definition needed to express this particular path. Many translate that word sati as awareness which I find it inaccurate as it implies a kind of doing that needs to be perfected, hence the meaning practise has to come into picture. But isn’t it a contradiction then when practise implies there is something to achieve or to get when the whole purpose of undoing or relinquishment is its end itself?

These two Pali words will lend further insight to this unique journey itself – “sanditthiko (to be seen here and now) and akaliko (not delayed in time). Both words obviously point to the fact that the journey is the result itself, not a lofty experience that is in the near future, for it is not delayed in time. So what does “recall”, or “sati” does? Each time when you recall, you are bringing wakefulness to what is already present here in the moment, hence passively disengaging or undoing whatever conditioning, that in the past due to unawareness, drives you to repeated traps in similar reactions again and again, albeit in different storylines. Doing is active, undoing is passive, to mean, stepping back without interfering what is already in the now.

Recall is not a form of practise as it does not involves mastering. Recall involves confidence and interest based on a certain new information that one has personally heard, read and understood and hence putting it into observation and investigation in the here and now so as to confirm what he or she has come to know. Thus in each moment of recalling, a certain level of relinquishment or undoing is already taking place, when wakeful is no longer about wanting to get anywhere or desiring to get anything, except to be in the moment, awake, watching. Hence the journey is about acknowledging conditioning and the end of conditioning, to be seen here and now and not delayed in time. Isn’t that liberating?

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

(10 Sept 2011) Note: Since the above entry was posted, there were varied opinions that “practice” is necessary for beginners. I appreciate the comments given and wish to share my view that this entry is directed specifically only to the journey of undoing, nothing further than that. Hence the word “practise” in any other form of practices is not intended here. Secondly I am not suggesting giving up “practise” as many seems to have misread, but rather the meaning one gives to the word “practise”. For how one means it, directs the mind to a specific direction, as intention is key to all mind experiences.  Hence if one unknowingly intend the path with error, due to either misinformation or ignorance, the result would be misdirected. As such, I am merely pointing out that the word  “not forgetting” or “recall” cannot be equated to “practise”, as in the example of remembering, it is either you remember or you forget – it is not something you can do (as what the word “practise” implies) about it, except conditioning the cause(s) for it to arise. With this right context in mind, “recall” itself (with non-interference) is already in process of undoing. Is consistency in recalling a choice of practice so that undoing too is consistently occurring? No, not until one’s faith is ascertain and even this cannot be “practiced”. Only through much right view and right understanding would one’s faith increased – hence the importance of kalyanamitta (wise spiritual friends).