Month: January 2010

MIND is a funny factor
But not a laughing matter
I can’t know what is up its sleeve
neither can I know when it leaves

Where is the mind
I do not know
Yet  I do know
There is a mind

I know it exist
But where it exist?
In the now I sense its presence
Elusively it disappears as quickly as it appears

By its performance
I sense its presence
Yet I could not tell
The performer itself

A good conjurer the mind is
With its myriad perceptions
And various feelings
Surprises me without fail

I will laugh
I will cry
I will think
I will feel
Making me a puppet
On a string

Illusive it can be
It shows itself
Not exactly in form
Except its traits.

Until I recognize the mind
I will be at its expense
Even then
A shadow it will lives

When will be its final goodbye
I wouldn’t know
Standing by for certain
It needs to be known.

I can’t release the mind
Except it releases me
Not until I understand it
My journey with it is for certain

A drunkard loses the keys to his house and is looking for them under a lamppost. A policeman comes over and asks what he’s looking for. “I’m looking for my keys” he says. “I lost them over there”. The policeman looks puzzled. “Then why are you looking for them all the way over here?” “Because the light is so much brighter here”.

What has my upset got to do with anybody else in the world? I may be cheated, betrayed, scolded, hurt or anything, for that matter. The pain I am experiencing is my pain (even this is untrue) and no one can rob it off from me. I can’t even do anything to my pain, what more of others? What I can only do is either to be with it, to understand it, or to hide it under the veil: through changing my attitude or pushing it away (could I?).

I can’t be cheated unless I give a meaning to myself that someone has cheated me. I can’t be betrayed unless I give away my trust to someone else. I can’t be scolded unless I do not accept what is and expect a different answer. Everything has got to do with me, 100%. The world, an effect, is what I am experiencing and not to accept effects and expect effects to be changed to fit my needs is not just delusional, but also insane.

All my suffering comes from the idea that I can change what has already occur – is it possible? Isn’t that a common sense or rather sense that is not common after all? With the speed of  life I am living, and with little room for inquiry except result oriented, it is of no wonder the mind no longer thinks. The more advance technology is, the more stupid I become. Even a simple arithmetic needs a calculator in hand.

I do not see anybody except my past about them. I do not know anybody except my ideas about them. I do not even know myself, how then could I know anyone else? I can’t even understand myself, how can I expect someone to understand me? When I said “You are making me angry” – I am actually meaning “Thank you for making me angry.” For without you how can I realized there is pain in me that is awaiting to be awaken? And that pain has nothing to do with you as it is all too familiar to me, something ancient. Have I experienced anything so new that I questioned myself, eh, what feeling is that? If it is familiar, then it is in me, not you.

If I say with a tone of upset that “I can’t understand you” – that is true as how can I ever, ever, understand anyone until and unless I understand myself? Even that is impossible. What capacity do I have to understand something that is so complex and baffling – the mind? Understanding myself can take a lifetime or more and to understand anyone for that matter is just a waste of time.

I am the source of my own feelings and thoughts and you are your own source of feelings and thoughts. We have never met though we meet. We have never talked though we talk. We have never connected with each other though I think I did. The closest meeting or intimacy I ever had is my own ideas and feelings. Am I seeking at the right place?

I am alone – that is a fact, but not the truth.

A good self-help program can be at my reach, a good motivational speaker can be an inspiration to me, a good family can be giving me all the support, a blessed spiritual friend can share everything what she thought is best for me – yet, whether it is the one thing or a thousand over approaches, if I am not willing to understand what ideas am I holding on, I may not be experiencing what they are sharing with me.

My wife showed me a wonderful clinical handbook on mindfulness this morning and while going through it with her, I found the materials informative. And it got me pondering. What is the difference between someone having right information approaching that material and another not having any information at all. Information in term of understanding how the mind works. If I do not know how the mind works and start working on mindfulness, the end result will defer from those who already have preliminary understanding of the working of the mind. Here lies the irony. Everything in the world I perceived is not exactly what it is.

We do not see things as they are, we see them as we are
– The Talmud

If I am wearing a color glasses, I am not seeing just the color of the glasses in whatever I see, I am seeing colors with a mix. In other words, if my views are strongly rooted in a certain belief, the way I look at things will be supportive of my belief. Let me share a simple example here on the precept of abstinence from killing found in Buddhism. The first of the five precepts says I take the precepts to abstain from taking life.

There are three parts to it. There is a “I”, abstain, and taking life.

At a glance I may take it for granted to mean I shall not kill. Now, that is an unquestioned new idea I am blindly accepting from a already-existing-idea in my consciousness that makes me see it that way. What happens when I have this idea? I will see killing as bad, as wrong, as against my religion. When I see it as wrong I will judge those who involve in killing. I will see the world as wrong, so to speak. When there is wrong, there is obviously anger in me.  When I don’t kill I will see myself as right and good. Doing so makes me think I am right and others are wrong. From being wise I become arrogant – all starts from this tiny mad idea which I have unquestionably accept.

If I do not give attention to the word “abstain”, I am meaning it to say “must not” which is entirely a different meaning all together. And even that idea will make me righteous or guilty depending where I am at.

Now if I ignore the word “I” from that statement, which I normally do as I have taken it for granted, that missing “I” will create a big difference in how I interprete the precept. I will see wrongness in others when they kill. But the precept has nothing to do with anyone else except me as that is what I undertake. I can’t undertake for anyone for that matter and thus it is not my business to judge what others do.

One sentence is enough to change the way I look at life. How many meanings come to my head in one moment, not to mention the uncountable meanings that I am picking up in a day. If I am not aware and precise in my observation, I am drowned in ideas that binds me away from what is, from Truth.

Am I misguiding myself frequently? I am not doing justice to religion, to all the past Masters.

The world what is now, is what I am.