A Self Revelation Journey of Awareness

I was working through a qigong session with a master two days ago and while at it, I experienced an impatient mind awaiting an end to the session. This impatient phenomenon is ancient to me whenever I am not enthusiastic with what I am doing – an incessant addictive mind of wanting something new other than what is in the now. In the past, my impatient would have developed into upset which may lead to seeing the person as wrong. Or I would have a self-admonished conversation in my head, beating myself up for being impatient and intolerant. I may even justified myself righteously by all the excuses the mind can think off, except to understand why am I impatient.

But of late, the mind no longer does that old pattern but instead start questioning experiences whenever it arises. Before the inquiry mind can sets in, I have to first acknowledge the impatient in me instead of seeing it as wrong. Only then can I learn to observe and understand the reason behind that impatient. I would have known by now, through past observations, that all experiences are preceded by an idea. I am also aware that the prior idea is also an experience during that moment of its arising – but since I was not aware of it, that idea has transmuted further into what I am experiencing now, the impatient. I begin to see that an unwise idea will always lead to suffering in the end. In the same way a wise idea, always lead to joy and freedom. My present choice of inquiring is setting the present idea right so that when the future arrived in the now, that moment will be a right idea.

Once I am able to observe again and again that ideas are the cause of my experiences, I am now skilled in recognizing and changing those ideas instantaneously. For instance, when I observe impatient has an idea of disinterest, I bring in a new idea that motivates interest, for example, I can inquire what can I learn from each movement rather than doing it just to kill time. But I can only replace ideas when I fully comprehend the working of the mind. If I were to do it without prior understanding I am just covering up what I am not willing to face. There is a difference between positive thinking and changing ideas – the former is a cover up whereas the latter is coming from the direction of wisdom.

Only when I mastered the mind can I start to create. Before that my creation is not truly from a being state but rather a doing state of resistance and holding on to past ideas. It is compounding what is already in existence rather than a true creation that is based on the wisdom of right mindedness, in other words Right Thought.

Awareness leads to acknowledgement
Acknowledgment leads to observation
Observation leads to recognition
Recognition leads to understanding
Understanding leads to realization
Realization leads to freedom
Freedom leads to wise creation.
Wise creation leads to further faith.
And in that faith, keen awareness arises leading to further cycles of wisdom.

The entire journey, beginning with awareness, is a path of gradual awakening. In the onset, this journey  may seems to portray troublesomeness and meaninglessness – robbing me off from my usual day to day experiences by needing to be mindful. In the beginning, the forgetting to be mindful makes me feel irritated. It even makes me give up easily. It is difficult to remember to be in the present moment. I interprete the practice as boring and unexciting. But when the journey is pursued with faith, with interest and inquisitiveness to inquire, the pathway takes a new twist – I see meaningfulness in it instead. Each undoing of meaninglessness of the drama of the world is a meaningful journey of freedom.

I just need to put on the eyes of interest into self-inquiry rather than the old pattern of conforming to what the mind is conditioned. A new way of living will surely dawn upon me, and also you, if you choose to inquire within. That is peace.

Right Confidence leads to Right Effort
Right Effort leads to Right Mindfulness
Right Mindfulness leads to Right One-pointedness
Right One-pointedness leads to Right Understanding*

Buddha

*Right Understanding leads to further Right Confidence and thus the cycle grows.

3 Replies to “A Self Revelation Journey of Awareness”

  1. This is very useful for those who are beginning their journey. It encourages to erase self judgments and self expectations. We are just simply too hard on ourselves, expecting every moment to be perfect, failing to recognise that even in an imperfect moment, it is also perfect by itself.

  2. I just got one this morning after posting the entry. I was pissed of with wify and as I keep inquiring deeper I saw that I am not happy for being upset – I see upset as wrong. And I want to resolve that upset – the more i want, the more I get upset – and you can guessed what happens next – I blame her for the upset. What a irresponsible ego!

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