Illusion to Reality

All my actions are random, and I can’t truly know I am giving a perfected giving, except what I am giving is perfectly fine. As and until I am sure my giving is perfected, I have to content that the result that I am experiencing is random too. The world is my perfect reflection, showing me what I am.

What is a perfected giving? A giving that is unreasonable. All my giving is with a reason. I give because I think you need it. I give because there something I am benefiting from. I give because I am told. I don’t really, truly give, except give-because. My giving is conditional. Can I give unconditionally? I don’t really know. What I really know is my giving is giving-because. If I recognize my giving is conditional, I am sure there is also such a thing as unconditional giving, just that I am not there as yet. If I am not able to recognize my conditional giving is conditional and think I am giving unconditionally, there is no possibility for me to experience what true unconditional giving is all about.

Irrelevant whether I give or not, I am continuously giving. I am giving my views, giving my ideas, giving my best, giving all the time, even though I am not giving materially. But in truth I can’t give materially unless it belongs to me. I can only give something that is in my possession. “My possession” is what I think it is – not what it is. I don’t owned anything unless I believe I owned it. Belief is just an idea and what I truly owned is just that – it has not gone beyond belief. “My material” is just a fabrication, a contortion of the mind. I can’t give away “my” material as I don’t own them in the first place.  I can’t, even if I wish. If I think I can, I am simply delusional.

Ideas never left its source – Yeshua

Thus, whenever I give materially, I am, in truth, giving up my possession – my possessiveness that is occuring in the mind – not what is there physically. The physical act is simply a symbolic act of my releasing to what I am holding on to.

Each time I lie, consciously or unconsciously, I am already ignoring the Truth that is here for me. How then do I expect to see the Truth even though the Truth is right in front of me? There is nothing blocking the Truth – not that I am special than you or you are than me that we are uniquely chosen to be given the Truth. Truth can’t be given. Truth is not a sole proprietor belonging to me or you, or to anyone else for that matter. Truth is. Truth is here, awaiting my arrival, as and when I start to do my housekeeping of what I am ignoring, which I may not even be aware I am already ignoring. That’s the beauty of delusion.

Whose delusion? My own ignorance. Not seeing things as they truly are.

And back to giving – nothing ever left me – what churns out from me each moment are only ideas. Giving too is also an act of an idea. Thus the more I “give” the more I have the idea that I am receiving, for each idea of giving is always accompanied by the idea of receiving – everything comes in pair, due to its duality nature – it can never be otherwise. And thus each receiving is also an act of giving.

Each moment I give, I am giving my best, irrelevant what afterthought I would have about it. I may be consciously giving myself half-heartedly, say dishwashing – I want to quickly complete it without giving much attention to it – that giving is what I am offering at that point of time – that is my very best I could ever afford, and thus is my 100% of that moment – can’t be more, can’t be less.

If that is what I have given my best, and found later that the plates are not properly washed, the experience I got is 100% too. On the other hand, if I find the plates are properly washed, though I am half-hearted, that too is a 100%.  No less, no more – exactly as it is, until the insane mind thinks it should be otherwise – as if time can be reworked. What has what I found got anything to do with my best? I give my best, the world give its best, perfectly at each moment. So I can’t get it wrong at all, all the time. I get it wrong when I insanely think that the world should return exactly what I give. If I can’t be fully sure of my action, except a random choice, how can I be 100% sure of what is been returned?

With the limiting condition I am having at each moment, I can’t be doing anything better than what I am already doing, thus that is my best. If I am giving my best to a relationship, and found out later that the other party is not giving his or her best – how can I say I am reaping 100% result, you may asked. Yes I am, just that I am not wanting to see it that way – I want more than 100%. If I am expecting something from my relationship, which is fine – a 100% expectation – the result I get will be 100% disaster – if my expectation is not met. If my expectation is half met, that is because I have half expectation, if there is such a thing – that too is fine, as that is my best. I can’t dictate what is out there, but I can dictate what is in here. In truth, I can’t dictate at all except to get exactly what I am.

I get 100% all the time. You get 100% all the time. We have never met, though we think we met physically. I have never got connected, except myself, which I am not aware. When I truly realized and understand that what I connect is, but myself, then only the world starts to get connected with me. Before that I am only imagining.

So I could not get it wrong, until the insane mind thinks that the other person should exactly return the same as what I am giving. It is like saying, I am calling out for attention to the whole entire world and to expect the whole entire world would to respond exactly to my calling. Fat hopes!

What I want is not what I am going to get – I can’t get what I am imagining to be. What I want is what I get – I get a perfect 100% imagination. Whatever I generate is what I am experiencing and has nothing to do with what I want the world to offer me – it is just a wishful thinking. The effect has none of my business except what I am causing.

Thus, the world has nothing to do with me and yet has everything to do with me. What the world is coming for me (not what the world is offering me) is none of my business. My business is how I am going to respond to it when it comes.

Could you observe the mind is attracted to a certain conditioning – be it relationships, food, habits, friends, etc? The mind, a bundle of ideas, a permutation of potentialities, attracts similar kind of conditioning of patterns, behaviors, personality –  whenever and whatever conditioning it takes on at that period of time.

Like a magnet, it either attracts or repels whatever that enters into its sphere. Likewise, the people I meet which I like and dislike, is a indication of what ideas I am having at that moment of time. No one comes into my life coincidentally. My field of conditioning attracts me to the experience. Like a magnet, anything around that is not magnetic will pass undetected – I have uncountable experiences each moment but only few that attracts “my kind” of conditioning brings about “my” experience – do I truly have a choice or was the experience been chosen by conditioning?

Observe intensely each passing moment and I will be amazed by the course of action the mind takes. Observe the style of bathing. Observe the style of wiping the body. Just watch. Everything is automated. Everything that I do, from the minutest to the obvious, are set conditioning of the mind. So long as I am not aware, there is practically no choice in it. I am a servant to the mind, so to speak.

Could I be right to say I am  unconsciously attracted to a certain scene of events, without my knowledge as Nature’s pull of conditioning is taking its own effect? Am I attracted to a certain type of family? Is a child born innocent or simply a continuation of ignorance? Does a child habit your making? Do I blame my parents for who I am?

Does teachers come to me or am I attracted to them by my own conditioning – such that either I am pulled towards their direction or they are attracted towards my direction? Observe the flow – there is a certain pattern underlying these movements. I will call the movement the movement of Tao – of ying and yang.

The attraction of sexes is the same – the yang attracts the ying and the ying with the yang. The yang repels the yang and the ying repels the ying. They are the natural interplay of feminine and masculine energy. Do I really have a choice in my decision? I totally doubt so. Even if I have a choice in making, I observe the choice is incline towards a certain conditioning. There is no truth in freewill except conditioned freewill.

In the stillness of the heart, the movement of this conditioning is obvious – matching itself every space and time – flowing in unison and in sync. There is no one moment where there is a coincident. Neither is there a freak situation. All is perfectly at its own space, performing its conditioning without the “me” needed to be around. This is Nature…