Month: January 2010

Lately I observed a queer pattern going on in the mind – if I give specialness to something, making everything other than that as non-special, the result I get from that something will be a love-hate relationship. Why is it so? So I put on the wisdom telescope into the ocean of the mind and investigate and this is what I found…

Everything that comes to me is in 100% perfection – whether I call it a flaw or a misfit. What is, is what is. It is only when the mind complaints that I see the thing that is for me, as imperfect. The mind is rather unwise, not recognizing that what is, is what is. So there is an invisible boundary going on between the mind and the world – both are not in sync. I can’t make the world in sync with the mind, but whether I like it or not, the mind has to be in sync with the world – else what I get is stress and disease.

So what comes to me at each every moment, is what is. If I term sound as either noise or music, it does not make sound different. What is different is in my experience. What I perceive is exactly what I get. There is no other way than what is. Thus if I put meaning to the sound, which is not exactly as what nature is offering me, I will experience exactly what I put in – 100% to what I give into it.

Thus if I placed special relationship to a certain music, I will be annoyed when others do not jive with what I think it should be. Not just that, if the music is been remixed, I will be annoyed with it too. If I have a special relationship with a word, I will see others as an attack when they “misused my word”. If I have a special relationship with my spouse, I will see anyone that approaches her as a threat.  I too will see her as a threat if what I perceived in her is not exactly what she is going to express.

Whenever there is a love specialness in anything, there is sure to be hate specialness in it too. Thus my annoyance has nothing at all to do with the world. I created my meaning, and I have to experience what I have created. There is no other way than that. To keep seeing the world as wrong only compound my misery. The more I protect myself, the more I see the world as an enemy. I can keep on going attacking and defending, but it is a futile war – the war will only ends when I come to peace with what I have given out.

For that I call for mercy, not to an external force, but mercy in me for seeing things as they truly are.

What I give is exactly what I get in return – 100% all the time.

Many great Masters of the past talks about letting go and surrendering. And many who followed did and yet many failed. How to surrender, the question were asked. Letting go of what? Surrendering to what? And many sort themselves out by trying – by giving up wealth, giving up materials, giving up life, giving up practically everything and still find themselves miserable. I read Illusions by Richard Bach a year ago and find the parable enlightening….

Once there lived a village of creatures along the bottom of a great crystal river. The current of the river swept silently over them all- young and old, rich and poor, good and evil, the current going its own way, knowing only its own crystal self.

Each creature in its own manner clung tightly to the twigs and rocks of the river bottom, for clinging was their way of life, and resisting the current what each had learned from birth. But one creature said at last, “I am tired of clinging. Though I cannot see it with my eyes, I trust that the current knows where it is going. I shall let go, and let it take me where it will. Clinging, I shall die of boredom.”

The other creatures laughed and said, “Fool! Let go, and that current you worship will throw you tumbled and smashed across the rocks and you will die quicker than boredom!” But the one heeded them not, and taking a breath did let go, and at once was tumbled and smashed by the current across the rocks.

Yet in time, as the creature refused to cling again, the current lifted him free from the bottom, and he was bruised and hurt no more. And the creatures downstream, to whom he was a stranger, cried, “See a miracle! A creature like ourselves, yet he flies! See the Messiah, come to save us all!”

And the one carried in the current said, “I am no more Messiah than you. The river delights to lift us free, if only we dare let go. Our true work is this voyage, this adventure.” But they cried the more, “Savior!” all the while clinging to the rocks, and when they looked again he was gone, and they were left alone making legends of a Savior.”

– Richard Bach, Illusions – The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah

What am I still holding on? What is it that I am clinging to? The world is my reflection…

Not if I am ignorant. Jealousy is an inherent nature of the mind. So long as there are wrong ideas in the mind – ideas that are ignorant by nature – jealousy is set to arise. Why is that so? Idea creates projection. Whenever I have an idea, I can’t but not notice that the idea is a projected thought – though in reality ideas never left its source.  The projected thought creates a seemingly separation from me. It is either about myself or something out there. I don’t see idea as me but rather about me. The same with the world – it is about the world. It is like one looking into the mirror. I don’t see the reflection as me but rather about me. Whenever it is about something, I am prone to judgment. And each judgment has the tendency of right and wrong.

Every judgment is preceded by comparison – I can’t help comparing as it is part of perception’s work. Perception function is to memorize and each memory that does or does not matches the past will be automatically compared. If I am not present to recognizing c0mparison is a function of perception, and not me, I will automatically be compelled to  judge – as what I see, I see as something either better or worse than what I have experienced before. Even seeing things as the same is also a kind of judgment – a blind judgment that is ignorant by nature.

Whenever my judgment is about something better than what I had experienced before , automatically, I am in favor with what I seemingly perceived. I see myself one notch higher than the past, whether be it myself, a relationship or any event or situation, for that matter. I felt happy, not being aware that my happiness is about judgment – I am holier than thou attitude. In truth, it is a lie that I am more spiritual than before, except a hallucination, a fabrication of delusion.

I observed this pattern when I am helping someone for a period of time. During the help, I consider myself compassionate and ever willing to lend my hand as a gesture of goodwill and selflessness. I feel holy and noble with my action. The moment the situation changes, I am faced with my own demon of jealousy – that there is no reason to help anymore. I can only see through this illusion if I am authentic with myself for there is  no possibility I can lie to myself. But if I am not skilled in observing the mind, I will accept it as a moving on phase where help is no longer a necessity. In this context, I am been reminded by Byron Katie’s phrase – I only see it as a loan, when the person returns me what I have given out.

If it is a genuine help, I don’t event question what attitude the person has. I give unconditionally irrelevant what he does or does not do. If I am affected by his attitude I can be sure my help is conditional. I could have help from the space of seeing him as a victim – I am better than him. The moment the victim meaning disappears in my mind, I see him as a threat.  That is when jealousy or even regret arise from what I have given in the past.

For that I am not in favor of the word help, in my space. Either I give unconditionally or if I were to give conditionally, I am to accept the pain that comes with it – that is part of nature of how things work in the mind.

If my judgment is about something unpleasant, I can’t be having jealousy as I have the illusional mentality of  “I am better than thee”. Whereas if the situation does not reflect better or worse, but seemingly sameness, I will ignorantly go along with it. Seeing things the same is ignorant simply because there is no sameness in anything except now. There is recycled experience, but not the same – it is always presented anew, though not truly new.

Thus, irrelevant how I view the world, if I identify with my ideas, I am prone to delusion, to ignorance and I can be sure of error. I can be sure each aversion directed to anyone has jealousy in it.