Transforming Intellect into Realization

The mind, more often than not, has confused itself by making information as realization. There is a vast distinction between both and to recognize their salient characters needs the eyes of wisdom. Information is knowledge whereas realization is wisdom. One is merely an intellectual understanding whereas the other is a spiritual experience, a state of being.

Using upset as an example – I have experienced from many past occasions that upset is an effect of a certain peculiar idea that I am righteous about; and if I am denying this reality, I am bound to make the world wrong whenever I am being triggered. I will see the world as against me. If I defend something, I am sure to perceive others as an attack – both attack and defence comes as a pair, not separately. This realization has to be credited to A Course in Miracle’s statement “denial makes projection” as it begins my journey of learning to observe how true this statement is. Yet there are many a time where I would have failed to resolve my upsets even though I am aware of the ideas that I was having. It was what I was not seeing, rather than concluding the above statement being untrue or only works for certain situations. Usually, it would dawn upon me much later that I was barking at the wrong tree at those periods of time.

It is important to know that what is hidden from me will be revealed if I am able to recognize what is in front of me, for there is nothing hidden that will not be revealed. Thus, if the maxim upset is caused by righteous clinging on to ideas and yet if I am unable to resolve my upset even though I am able to recognize the cause of it, I can be sure I am not recognizing the ideas correctly, or rather I am missing a point here. By nature, true recognition (potentially wisdom based) has the ability of undoing clinging. Naturally, when one is able to see an error, one has already rectified himself at that moment, that is, upon right recognition. It cannot be otherwise. In the same manner, recognizing a wrong attitude propels one immediately to right attitude. Each upset is merely an indicator letting me know that I am still not recognizing wisely.

So what are the misperceptions I have overlooked? There are a few wrong ideas that I am righteous about, very deeply ingrained by the society norm. To begin with, my idea is always right and as such what opposes it, is wrong. Even if I were to be open-minded, and ready to listen to your idea or view; with my intention is to undermine your perception; I will use your own words against you. That is how righteous the mind can be. More ideas on the list:

  1. I should not be upset (guilt)
  2. I am upset of myself for being upset (shame)
  3. Why am I upset again (anger)
  4. I should be able to resolve my upset and it is not happening (clinging)
  5. I am the problem of my upset (self-punishment)
  6. I must not express my upset (expectation + shame)

Each particular statement is an idea generated from a past perception, gotten either from a self concluded experience or a conscience ingrained from an unquestioned cultural or societal belief.

These ideas appear as thoughts in the mind. It camouflages further what is already present in my space – the original righteous idea that I am clinging on. In other words, the above examples are sub-ideas that strengthen the original idea. They are after-effects of a wrong idea. Observe how a wrong idea contagiously spread more wrong ideas into the mind. In truth, if I am able to recognize the original idea, there would not be any follow-up to it.

When I miss the mark of what is already here for me, and yet want to resolve the upset, the intellectual mind will be busily occupying itself into thinking of ways how to fix the upset. This is none other than what Albert Einstein was implying – answering from the same level where the question arises is insanity. Instead of giving up all the doing and let the muddle clear itself, the mind uses whatever knowledge it learns from the past to fix a situation instead of using those knowledge or information as an opportunity to observe the mind and thus gain understanding from it. All understanding could only arise through introspection or observation, not through intellectual fixing.

By composing oneself, whatever information one has from the past can be easily brought into the present moment and thus allow understanding to unfold by itself when proper observation is applied. In other words, one’s job is just to allow clarity into the present and by simply doing so, what obscure the truth comes into clarity. The intellectual mind is an obscurity.

Thus in truth, information or knowledge are merely truth for me to observe, not to apply. In the space of stillness, all is shown, and something realized.

My Choice, My Detriment

When I like or love someone, what is it that I am liking or loving about that person, to the effect that I want to be closer to that person, or even needing to possess him or her? But, as usual, more often that not, upon longer interaction or relationship with that person, I would come to realize that it is not what I wanted – to be with that person.

I may put up with the relationship a little longer, hoping that things will change – the wait and see syndrome, or I may just leave and move on with life, expecting another new experience to come into my space again in due time. Or, I may, just like many other lovers – engaged, married and settled down to life; begin a new adjustment to what has been bonded.

What is it that makes me move into or away from a relationship? Personality, looks, character, attitude, or what? There are many ideas to that and some are valid, at least for a certain period of time until things change! Now if I were to direct my attention inwards and listen to what I am attracted to instead of listening to what my head wants, I may come to a new frontier of understanding to the reasons of my choices in my relationships.

I came to realize that the form or character of that person has nothing much to do at all with my choices, though my head thinks I am deciding from that angle. I may be taught from media influences or parental/friends advices on what kind of relationship I should incline towards but when it comes to my own journey, in truth, I am no longer in charge, except by what is in me. My choices are much limited and confirmed mainly from whatever ideas that I already have in my system, formed from the many years or even lifetimes of interactions. In fact, there is no choice at all except matching of what is in my database, the mind’s hard disk. I am dancing to the tune of my ideas, to my same lingo, so to speak.

I am drawn to a relationship by what fits into my idea. If I have an idea of abandonment in my life and if a person crosses my path that seems to offer me a sense of belonging, at least for that temporary period of time, I will unconsciously be attracted to it and begin to find ways of bonding that relationship. Sad to say, I find that many a time the mind will manipulate its way through sweet talking, subtly lying, conformity or even giving up one’s integrity for the sake of making that relationship work. And to keep that relationship bonded, I will consistently adjust myself by giving in to the others’ needs – a very exhausting and painful process indeed – just to make sure that my fear of being abandonment will not arise. I am living my dream world and manipulating others to fit into my dream. But how could that be possible as attitude changes all the time? What I perceive in that person is only what I want from them – but in reality that person does not offer me what I want all the time.

Hence when I don’t see that reality, I am creating my doom again. That person may find my presence suffocating as I try ways of making him fit into my need. In reality, no one has rejected or abandoned me. My playing up of fear of being abandoned jeopardizes my own relationship.

It is interesting to observe here that the people I am attracting into my field are seldom for my highest growth except to maintain my status quo. Instead of surrendering to what comes to me, trusting that each every person that crosses my path has something for me to grow out from my box, I choose people that fits into my need and move away from those who push my buttons.

How much then have we grown throughout the years? Or have we even? It is not that destiny or the God in our perception is unfair – everything, yes EVERYTHING, within our own field is our doing, albeit an unconscious movement. We doomed ourselves in many ways. We jeopardize our own growth. When we don’t seek what is within us, we destroy ourselves in long term. When we seek what is within us, what is within us will assist us to find a way out from the narrow confinement of our own created box.

So what is it that we are attracted to in any person we seemingly like? A piece of missing jigsaw that we are seeking to make our storyline perfect – and our jigsaw formation are none other than all our experiences we have of our past – the ideas and views that we conclude from each encounter that conditioned us to look at things in a very specific and peculiar way, many a times not based on wisdom, but rather judgments and ignorant of what is. It is a vicious cycle and when we don’t take moments to inquire why this is happening in our lives, we are led blindly by the nose to another experience that repeats what is in the past. Scary? Indeed.

Be it pleasant or an unpleasant journey, know that my present journey is but a continuation of what I have not undone from the past. I am the creator of my own bondage in a very unconscious way.

Read another synchronized entry from JournalingTruth titled Healing the Abandoned for a better insight.

Trials are but lessons that you failed to learn presented once again, so where you made a faulty choice before you now can make a better one, and thus escape all pain that what you chose before has brought to you.

– A Course In Miracles

Deepest Truth means Looking Within

Finding your deepest truth means looking within. It means not blaming other people, not playing the victim and not spending time feeling sorry for yourself. When you look more deeply at any situation, you can always see that you set it up for your growth. In any situation you feel you were a victim you always had an inkling of what was going on, and ignored opportunities to change things.

As you look more deeply at things that really bother you, I want to propose a thought: Nothing you are upset about is caused by what you think. For instance, you may be upset that your friend accused you of doing something you didn’t do. Upon deeper examination, you will find that it is a recreation of an earlier pain, played out over and over in changing scenery with different people until you resolve it. It may be a reenactment of a childhood drama in which you were accused of things you didn’t do. Pain, anger, or resentment you feel now almost always comes from a similar childhood experience. You recreate the pain so that you can move beyond it. Next time you feel angry at someone, stop. Close your eyes and go within. See that you have had similar experiences before. Realize that you are reliving some childhood decision and that now is an opportunity to end this pattern in your life and come from your deepest truth. Realize other people are only drawn to play out certain roles with you to help you evolve. Let go of any anger or blame you have towards them.

Sanaya Roman (Channel for Orin), Personal Power through Awareness