Month: February 2010

I have been observing for quite awhile now that everyone (me included) cannot appreciate anything at all until they come into an understanding about that thing. What is the cause of it? I search into the mind and the answer that I get at this moment is “what’s in for me” factor.

If I don’t get a satisfactory answer to my question, I would not appreciate your answer. If I am in a desperate state for an answer (which I already know what answer I wish to have – only if I am conscious) I would not appreciate an answer that is pointing me to the truth, in other words, a painful answer that is showing me the falseness that I am holding on. I would only appreciate an answer that is supportive of my view. Is that familiar to you?

In the same way if you are reading this blog and all you want is the truth, nothing but the truth, you will read what I write here with much enthusiasm and even having self-inquring and reflection after reading it. But if you wish to have a quick-fix answer to your life issues (which I also do once awhile), you would not appreciate what I am writing here. That is fine too. For we only choose what we want to listen.

So if I want to hear support, I will only look for support. If I want to hear the truth, I will only look for the truth. So a yardstick for me to know what idea I am having is to look around me. The world is my reflection. In the same way, if what you share is something I like, I am happy for you. If it is something that is making me upset, I am not happy with you, though that thing may be pointing me to the Truth. That is the human dilemma – consistently wanting something to feed what’s in for me.

I came across many people telling me that they start to appreciate what I have shared years ago. That statement also mean that they were not appreciative when the sharing was done at that point of time. That is true as when we don’t understand what we hear, we cannot induce any appreciation. Even though we may think we understood what we heard, the appreciation of that point of time and after our personal realization is entirely different. I would say that moment of hearing is not much of appreciation but rather an expression of thanks. Appreciation has the cause of understanding and confidence.

Appreciation is not for anyone else except the experiencer. I can’t really appreciate you, though the expression seems to be pointing to you. What I am truly saying is “I am appreciative for the understanding that I have gotten and I am sharing this news with you (as I thought you are the cause of it)”.

Many a times people came to me with their “house on fire”, and surprisingly not many wishes to hear the Truth except for a quick-fix answer. At times they are not even keen in seeking the reasons of their suffering except to pour out their grievances. In other words they are not keen in solving their pain except for a relief. That is the irony of human suffering. And all is about what’s in for me, rather that what’s the Truth for me. And I have people coming back to me with this question – how would I know what is the Truth? Or how do you know that is the Truth?

There is nothing in Truth – truth is not a place. Truth is not something that belongs to you or me. Truth is simply an understanding that sets me free. If I am not free I can be sure I am not living the Truth.

I was working through a qigong session with a master two days ago and while at it, I experienced an impatient mind awaiting an end to the session. This impatient phenomenon is ancient to me whenever I am not enthusiastic with what I am doing – an incessant addictive mind of wanting something new other than what is in the now. In the past, my impatient would have developed into upset which may lead to seeing the person as wrong. Or I would have a self-admonished conversation in my head, beating myself up for being impatient and intolerant. I may even justified myself righteously by all the excuses the mind can think off, except to understand why am I impatient.

But of late, the mind no longer does that old pattern but instead start questioning experiences whenever it arises. Before the inquiry mind can sets in, I have to first acknowledge the impatient in me instead of seeing it as wrong. Only then can I learn to observe and understand the reason behind that impatient. I would have known by now, through past observations, that all experiences are preceded by an idea. I am also aware that the prior idea is also an experience during that moment of its arising – but since I was not aware of it, that idea has transmuted further into what I am experiencing now, the impatient. I begin to see that an unwise idea will always lead to suffering in the end. In the same way a wise idea, always lead to joy and freedom. My present choice of inquiring is setting the present idea right so that when the future arrived in the now, that moment will be a right idea.

Once I am able to observe again and again that ideas are the cause of my experiences, I am now skilled in recognizing and changing those ideas instantaneously. For instance, when I observe impatient has an idea of disinterest, I bring in a new idea that motivates interest, for example, I can inquire what can I learn from each movement rather than doing it just to kill time. But I can only replace ideas when I fully comprehend the working of the mind. If I were to do it without prior understanding I am just covering up what I am not willing to face. There is a difference between positive thinking and changing ideas – the former is a cover up whereas the latter is coming from the direction of wisdom.

Only when I mastered the mind can I start to create. Before that my creation is not truly from a being state but rather a doing state of resistance and holding on to past ideas. It is compounding what is already in existence rather than a true creation that is based on the wisdom of right mindedness, in other words Right Thought.

Awareness leads to acknowledgement
Acknowledgment leads to observation
Observation leads to recognition
Recognition leads to understanding
Understanding leads to realization
Realization leads to freedom
Freedom leads to wise creation.
Wise creation leads to further faith.
And in that faith, keen awareness arises leading to further cycles of wisdom.

The entire journey, beginning with awareness, is a path of gradual awakening. In the onset, this journey  may seems to portray troublesomeness and meaninglessness – robbing me off from my usual day to day experiences by needing to be mindful. In the beginning, the forgetting to be mindful makes me feel irritated. It even makes me give up easily. It is difficult to remember to be in the present moment. I interprete the practice as boring and unexciting. But when the journey is pursued with faith, with interest and inquisitiveness to inquire, the pathway takes a new twist – I see meaningfulness in it instead. Each undoing of meaninglessness of the drama of the world is a meaningful journey of freedom.

I just need to put on the eyes of interest into self-inquiry rather than the old pattern of conforming to what the mind is conditioned. A new way of living will surely dawn upon me, and also you, if you choose to inquire within. That is peace.

Right Confidence leads to Right Effort
Right Effort leads to Right Mindfulness
Right Mindfulness leads to Right One-pointedness
Right One-pointedness leads to Right Understanding*

– Buddha

*Right Understanding leads to further Right Confidence and thus the cycle grows.