Nature Showing its Might

The fire rage ceaseless
one more time
as if the last was not enough
and it was just ten days ago

Then came the torrential of water
drawing what is along its path
insinuating discomfort
calling for release
which can be sudden
cheating preparation

And just when all seems to end
the wind in waves came popping up
inducing an orchestra of sounds
in passageways the water has passed
an acute discomfort
when release is not called
affecting a ballooning tension
of inflated dis-ease.

After much fury
of three solid days
of elements playing up
the mind heave a great relief
of heavy clouds
that just passed
and rain that imbued a gloom feeling
welcoming now the coldness of winter
blowing through the window
and the lightness of body
from the aftermath of imbalance.

– 13 Dec 2010, Yangon

It was indeed a great relief to feel better after the imbalance of elements played up in the body the previous three days. Started with a severe throat infection that came back after it left me 10 days ago, just the very day I left for Myanmar for my meditation retreat, followed up by a day of diarrhoea and later as if I had not enough of it, with wind catching up in my belly, making my tummy inflate with much tension. It was during the same period the unexpected rain and cloud came pounding when the weather was supposed to be welcoming the winter season.

Nature has its own way of working things out. Similarly with the body too, which is part of nature. And the mind, another nature, falls into slumber and stupor, as if a timely call inviting me to stop doing and to simply flow into what nature is teaching me to do – simply be with acceptance.

It was a great lesson in change of routine, of not trying to look good and to feel guilty when much sleep and rest is called for.

On hindsight the contrast of health made me realize how I have taken it for granted all this while. Paraphrasing my meditation teacher’s statement – do you know you are experiencing when you are in the midst of experiencing – as in my own words, when you are in good health, are you aware you are having good health? Only by recognizing good health will you feel blessed by it, each moment, valuing it and taking care of it and not after been stricken by ill health, as that will have make us regret moments that we have not cherished it with care. And all it takes is awareness, wisdom and having the right knowledge that the mind and body is part of Nature and hence they are to be respected as any other parts of nature instead of misusing it.

Just Another Nonsensical Thought

Lizards
mosquitoes
frogs
grasshoppers
and of late,
scorpion (yes, just one)
fed my numbers
of beings
that is of non-human
that I am acutely aware off.

Not that they are uncommon
or unusual to my field of experience
but they become succinctly obvious
when the senses of experience
are put to bare minimum.

No tv
no news
no handphone
no movies
no music
no food of my choice
except what is being given
no thick mattresses
no driving
no going anywhere
except what is within
the four walls of the retreat centre
tho there are days where I venture out
to follow the monks alms round
even that seems to me
everything stripped to minimum
except my dear laptop
to entertain me
and my camera which I seldom use
which at times become
an obstacle
to my practice.

Whatever it is
wherever I am
there is always something the mind holds on to
like those “non-humans” I seem
to frequently see
or the dogs and cats
roaming in the compound
of course not to mention
the practitioners, monks and nuns
who are just like me!

This was written during my retreat and I became aware that the mind grasp on to practically everything that comes to its domain, irrelevant whether there is more or less objects. Its job is just to grab!

Coming Back to Where it Begins

A retreat is not a heavenly experience where one escapes from the world to chill. On the contrary, a retreat is to come back to what one keeps running away from and to face whatever fear that kept one at bay. In truth, retreat is facing the world again, the world within that has never left us.

Internal experiences become more obvious when one is in retreat. Triggers become obvious and little attachments made magnified, only if one takes notice of it, instead of the already always way of shunning it by giving it a meaning. Not that a retreat is a place for ego or defilements to grow, but rather, with no other outlets for the mind to escape, what was not obvious before comes out into the open.

Your only escape is to sleep, but even that is not a solution as what is being resisted will appear in dreams as nightmares or unpleasant experiences. What’s the point then of a retreat if one is not ready to face what one’s purpose of coming to a retreat for?

A retreat is like a coliseum where your entertainment is your very mind. Not a pleasant entertainment though if you have in the past with mindlessness, kept running away from it. But if one has been trained to watch the mind, giving it a priority instead of the outer world, a retreat will be an opportunity to deepen the skills. A retreat then will only be an extension of what has already been a daily practise in life. In fact, this is the correct attitude towards the approach of going into a retreat as it is not a place for escapism but a place to sharpen one’s skill in meeting the challenges the mind offers.

Hence your idea or ideal of a retreat makes your criteria of attending it. What is sure about a retreat is that it is not a place where you can chill unless and until you learn to face what is already in the mind. Facing one’s own mind is voluntary and cannot be coaxed. But it will be a matter of time when one takes the initiative to embark on this journey as each our threshold of pain has its limit and there will come a time where we just know for ourselves that there is a better way out to handle ourselves. It is this time that one will realise that it is through understanding the workings of the mind where and when one takes the resolution to explore what one has not understood – to realize that there is something much more than what one thinks life is all about.

A retreat, to begin with, is a space of courage, where one takes the readiness to face what comes up in him. Hence, the beginning journey, as always, is pretty difficult and arduous – not that it is painful, but certainly unpleasant, as we are no longer subjected to what the mind draw us to do, but to observe with much impartiality how addicted we are to the ego’s need. Hence to have adequate right information of handling the mind is necessary as how you address the mind is how you define your practice. You can either see the mind as a threat or as an opportunity to learn its nature. Both have different flavour of practice and somehow either idea will define how you address your life as they define your attitude.

Welcome to what is truly purposeful in your life!