The Impostor

It came to my observation lately that true good qualities of the mind like kindness, acceptance, compassion and many more others, comes upon realization, from wisdom, of a situation rather than from conditioning of a situation. “True” in the sense that it is not determined by situation or time, but rather as an already natural state that has no biasness of preference. Not that conditionings does not produce good qualities but rather I will coin these good qualities as “impostors” rather than true innate naturalness as when condition changes again, those qualities no longer exist.

And as I probed and observed closely into the daily activities of the mind I came to realize that those impostors’ qualities have hidden agendas of “what’s in for me”. It is tainted by self-cherishing thoughts of ego preservation rather than a natural state that is not determined by conditioning. In fact if I am truly honest with what is being presented to me at each moment, the feeling of naturalness and that of “what’s in for me” has vast differentiation of qualities – one is of peace, the other satisfaction of desire, which is jagged and disturbed. It is not at all obvious on the surface of the experience except when one goes into the inner state of the mind. It is like the proverb, still water runs deep – there are lots of stuff that I am not aware of if I am just contented with what is on the surface.

Questions from others do at times arise: why the need to venture into the abyss of the mind when what one is already experiencing is pleasantness, irrelevant whether it comes from ego or wisdom. The way I see it is that the journey of purification of the mind is not meant for anyone, at least not at the moment when this question is posed, unless there is a real dire need for understanding the very root cause of our ease and dis-ease of life. When one has a glimpse and taste what it is like to be free from dis-ease caused by the Impostor, even if the experience is merely for a brief moment, one could not help but to work closely with the mind as the potential of more freedom is on its way. Not that freedom is desired but rather, from the realization that living a life of lies, from the ignorance of the impostor is rather meaningless and painful. It is like the simile of a loving friend who is later found to have a hidden agenda of taking your life.

The Impostor robs the genuine life of true peace, love and freedom. It instils bondage, addiction and suffering on the beholder without him realizing it. Not that he does not realize, except that he has yet to recognize the contrast of what it is like to live without it. What will life be where there is neither wanting nor not wanting? The Impostor has both under its sleeve. When it wants something, it will imitate the good qualities to gain what it wants. If I want someone to be in my life, I will imitate all the loving qualities to lure the person into my den. When it doesn’t want something, it will find all reasons, irrespective whether it will create a trail of destruction along its way, so long as what it desires is met. If I don’t like the way you treat me, I will find all excuses to make you small, even to the extent of belittling you in the eyes of others, as if I am the righteous one, so long as my intent of revenge is fulfilled. That is how the Impostor works.

When one recognizes the Impostor appearing in each moment in our lives, one could not help but to keep vigilant of its sly. This is peace. This is the way to freedom, albeit inwards.

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